Living In Pain And The Toll It Takes On The Mind

[lostforgottensoul]

You know, thats how many heroin addicts start? Sad fact. But no, don't go get heroin. Or pain meds on the street for that matter.

I get the no help thing. I live in Florida, the pain pill capitol and where pill mills were (and probably still are) and now every Dr is super careful to not attract attention of the DEA or they think you are just an addict or want to sell them. Super sad and majorly frustrating as you are like "no, I honestly have horrific pain that I can't deal with".

Pain will drive a person insane fast and make someone do what they normally wouldn't (like buy on the street) fast.

I def get it and cleaning houses is VERY physical! Thus why mine is filthy. Cleaning more then my 850 sq ft apartment and forget it. Its frustrating to me as if I loose my job or want to move on from it, I am extremely limited on what I can do. I must be able to sit the entire time. No choice in that. And even that is becoming very difficult. And im 35. Its just all so very depressing.

 

[ladee]

Could you maybe start with pot and build up to heroine?
Or as said here in the south..hairon.

Now, before you completely pop a cork..a question...then slowly backing out of hitting distance...What are you doing for self care?
Scurrying out of your way now so you have time to think about it. Still with you..but peering over the fence.
Gentle hugs my friend.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I also have chronic pain from severe facet arthritis, which is so bad it is causing my vertabrae to slip off of each other which impinges the spinal cord, stress fracture in my back, stenosis, bulging disks at every level, DDD, and PTSD. I just got a call from the Health Sciences spine center, where I was referred to a neurosurgeon, that I have to start with a pain specialist. I told them I had a pain specialist, and have had one for 5 years. She said they wanted to try non-operative things first. I assured her I had 5 years of non-operative things, including CBT, acupuncture, physical therapy, walking, which I can't do much of anymore, steroid injections, radioablations, and 2 surgeries. She said that's just how they do it. I can kind of see it, but why repeat what hasn't worked in the past, so I have to pay more bills and have to drive 40 minutes one way to get to these appointments that are booked a month out. Ugh. My pain specialist was a little annoyed that they want me to do everything again. I won't. I don't think I even want surgery. I mean I know I don't want it. At my age, it takes a long time to heal, and then you get about a year before the stenosis comes back.

Since I have a pain doc, I get pain medicine. I'm fortunate there. I hope when you see the pain docs, they will give you meds too.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Just to set the record straight..... I was being sarcastic when I said I was going to do heroin. I would never do that...
1) I don't do illegal drugs at all.
2) My daughter was/is a heroin junkie. Don't know we don't speak.

I just call d Dr office and left a message saying, I can not live with this pain any longer, as it is affecting my life and that work has almost become impossible, and that I need for her to call me, call in a script, or have some kind of solution for this. Hahahha. Waiting for a call back!!!! I'll shit if I get one... I'll bet if she does call, she offers anti-depressants. I'll tell her to shove it, if she does....

@ladee My issue with Pot.... it actually causes me to have severe anxiety/paranoia. If I could I would get some, but the thoughts of anxiety.... Nope, just can't do it.

I just worked 4 hours, walked through my door and grabbed 2 ice packs and I'm on the couch trying very hard to "numb" my back so I can at least get in the shower later....

 

[Deleted member 541]

@ladee Self care. Ice packs, heat, TENS unit, all sorts of OTC rubs for pain. Plenty of sleep/rest, and trying not to overdo.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Wow, @She Cat, I'm so sorry to see this and read about what you've got going on right now. I also deal with a lot of pain from stem to stern while managing a boatload of medical issues which doctors have yet to determine a precise cause for. Story of my life, but that's another post. After giving over 15 tubes of blood at the lab way too many times without any precise Dx or treatment plan, I took this into my own hands again. I think I earned an MD when I wasn't looking. At any rate, after a lot of research, I created an eating regimen to go along with the others modalities I'm applying to my situation to aid in self-healing or at least to make daily life more bearable and productive. For you, have you done any research into food that might help your situation? I'm thinking anti-inflammatory and anti-pain in nature, i.e. deeply colored fruits/veges, cold pressed oils, almonds/walnuts, no wheat, gluten or dairy, lean poultry and omega rich fish (Aldi has fresh caught, single serving salmon in the freezer case for a good price), a multi-vitamin and a baby aspirin, fresh ginger tea, turmeric (other herbals available), and a lot of water. Also, Epsom salt baths help reduce pain and inflammation, and maybe Swedish massage at a local massage therapy school? I know massage can be pricy, but maybe $15 to make you feel better and get the blood flowing? Just a thought. Also, stretching and some yoga poses. My cable provider offers these for free "on demand"; maybe check into that? Floor-based exercise works best for me and does make me feel better afterward. I'm kind of like the Tin Man, so I figure anything that gets my parts moving is a good thing - too much rust going on here.

This is how I've lived for a long while in trying to cope with my life such as it is and has been. As you know, I also hold strong to my faith, but I also agree with doing what I can to help myself. I'm kind of a mind that I throw all that I know and can find out against the wall. I try what I can and see if it helps. If not, I wash and repeat once I've recovered from the latest round of self-doctoring. It's daunting and feels hopeless/never-ending a lot of the time. I try to keeping breathing through a filter of self-compassion and being mindful of what I can and cannot do in times like these. I pray, I get angry and swear (Oops, did I write that?!), I get into nature and out of my own mind, and/or I plug into the internet and plan my own escape in front of my laptop...

Just a few suggestions and my experiences, one day at a time. Keeping you in my prayers and sending support your way. VB :hug: :barefoot: (yoga)

 

[ladee]

Doing all you can on your own..so temporary.
Heat works better for me..I can not do cold..it litteraly causes me to come unhinged. Trigger? Don't know.
Keep calling her. Go set in her office if you have to.
This is ridiculous.
Please let me know if and when she calls back.
I knew you were kidding.
Knew better because of all the pain that drug has cost you. Emotional pain.
Let me know what they can do...
Love and respect.

 

[ladee]

@VioletButterfly ,i am just starting on seeing what foods harm. I do stretching and walking helps a lot.
But I do not have Fibro which is a different monster to fight.
Praying for relief for both of you.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@VioletButterfly Thanks for the post, I so appreciate it. Ok, I'm not very good with my diet and I will admit to this right off the bat. I'm a carb junkie. I love bread, and dairy is pretty much my staple. Cereal, cheese, yogurt. I also detest fish. No, that's not right, I was traumatized as a kid when my older sister had never cooked Lobster. She put them in the pot, in cold water, tail first, and when they started to SCREAM, she called me into the kitchen and I froze as she was whacking them on the heads with a wooden spoon and laughing hysterically. Yes, lobsters so scream when being cooked to death. So, I can eat any seafood at all!!!!

I take lots of vitamins, turmeric, and antioxidants. Can't do aspirin as I have hidden reflux and Barrett's esophagus. There are a few other diagnosis that I'm also dealing with too. But for now the pain is the biggest. I wonder why, was pray for death lately??????

 

[ladee]

Oh SheCat., I could have gone the rest of my life not knowing Lobsters scream!
The things we learn here..Damn. :cry:

 

[VioletButterfly]

Fish - easy answer - fish oil supplements. Put them in the freezer and take them at the bottom of a heavier meal. If that doesn't work, research other options. I believe the oils and nuts/flax seeds (ground) might be Omega 3s, maybe 6? Not sure.

OMG - your sister is a sadist! Sounds like she's the twin of mine, only I'm the lobster. Anyway... that's another thread.

I think it is normal to pray for death when faced with enormous/unending pain that many of us are, especially when the never and forever lies are preying on our minds. I have prayed too many times to remember, asking God to bring me home, to take me away from a), b), c). I have attempted passive suicide for many, many years, not really understanding what was going on and not feeling consciously active in the process. My mind was too altered to get it. Anyway, it all seems to have been about physical and mental/emotional pain and still is. I've had to much and still have more than I feel like I can bear. Good days, bad days with this. I've come to the conclusion, though, that thinking about ending my life is not helpful. I'm not going to take my life consciously, and I'm standing strong in being conscious and holding myself accountable so I won't go passively through unconscious efforts. I still pray for an ending to the pain I feel on way too many levels in my life, but I no longer ask for God to take me and I no longer seek death through active or passive suicide. This is always a plan for today as that is all I have, right?

I wish a break for you in this cycle of pain. I often think if my mind being in a cycle similar to the pain cycles I have going on in my body. I just have to live in the moment and make the best of it. I turn on twinkle lights, listen to music, look at picture books, color, watch TV, look for jobs, look at how other people live and wonder about how that works, and pray, hoping that something will help. In the process, I'm living the life that I'm living for today, hoping for a better day tomorrow. For me, it's in God's hands when I've done as much as I feel that I can do.

My screensaver has the following saying with a big butterfly on it - Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly. Big hugs! VB

 

[Deleted member 541]

Called Dr twice.... so far, no return call. I'm not surprised!!!!