Living In Silence

[stillwatersrundeep]

My name is Amy, I am a sexual abuse survivor by both a family member and a neighbor.

I was also raped at the age of 16. I have tried several avenues to get help including trying to start my own support groups, seeing a counselor, and trying to find nearby support groups. Trying to start my own support group proved to be a failure, I can no longer afford to see a counselor, and I have not been able to find any support groups in my area for sex abuse survivors.

So here I am. I'm tired of carrying this incredibly heavy load..I am unable to form any relationships that are meaningful both friendship and otherwise. I am slowly becoming agoraphopic because of the illusion that I am so different than anyone else and the fear that I will be hurt again. I am desperate to make some sort of human connection so that when I get up every morning and fight through the day....it will seem worth it.

I refuse to throw in the towel, even though I feel I am in the final round of this fight. I am tired of feeling the anger and resentment toward my abusers and my family for not protecting me.
I am looking for support where ever I can get it. This is my first time using a forum, and I am hoping to learn to build friendships with those that understand, even if it is only through this manner.

Thank you for reading

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Amy. Welcome to the forum. :wave:

I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time. Great attitude though;)

I hope you find the support you are looking for, here in this forum.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Amy,

Welcome to the forum.
I hear that the group you tried to set up was not a great success, but do you feel able to tell us how you went about it? It sounds like a very brave thing to do. Your desire to want to help others is something you should be proud of.

Best wishes,
Lucy x

 

[rainbow1]

Hi Amy,

Welcome to the forum, I have met some people here who have been a fantastic support. I hope you find the support you need too.

Rainbow. :wave:

 

[stillwatersrundeep]

The support groups I tried to start were at different times in my life. The first I was young, a little ignorant...but I posted
(anonymously of course) a couple of flyers in stair case hall ways at the university I was attending. That attracted some people, but only one of them was actually abused (she was raped) and the others were....I'm not sure. But I know they were not sexually abused. They were a little different. That group lasted a couple months. Then, when I moved where I am now, I tried setting up a group on Meetup. Again, only 2 people were sexually abused. My plan was to go through the book "Wounded Hearts: Adult survivors of sexual abuse". The meetups I scheduled no one would show up.
And one person, was truly, and heartbreakingly, disturbed....bipolar but not sexually abused.
I had several people join the group, but no one wanted to show up. I assumed they were not ready. But I couldn't really afford to keep the group going when people didn't want to show up.

 

[Lucycat]

Well done for doing that. It is interesting that the groups attracted people who had not been abused. I wonder if they were wanting to give help and support - maybe they had a friend who had been through the experience?- or if they joined out of curiosity? I guess you will never know.

However, I still think it will all have been a helpful experience for you however trying.

The book you mention is one I have not heard of. Have you continued to work through it on your own? Was it helpful?

Thanks for sharing!
Best wishes,
Lucy x

 

[stillwatersrundeep]

It was and it wasn't...I felt disappointed that like all the 28 people that joined the group
but did not show, I was left to my own defenses-so to speak-since there seemed to be no where
to turn. I am thinking that these women didn't want to come for fear of feeling exposed. Which I understand...
The book I was speaking of is a great book. It has a workbook with it for study groups. It was written by one of our pastors
at my church from what I understand. You can buy it on Amazon for cheap. In fact, if you or anyone else is interested, I have extra
copies I can sell you. I bought several copies thinking The group I started would be a "book study" group but as I have said before,
no one came that was abused or was interested.
So I am happy to send them to anyone. I may start a new thread to offer this to anyone interested.