Living In The Past

[saffy]

I understand what you are saying :)

I think my main problem with school and with my ex is that even if I 'know' things, I still don't 'feel' them

Maybe you haven't had a chance to show them how strong you are now and that what they did was out of order? Maybe you want an apology? For them to take responsibility for their negative and bad actions? How can they just move on without feeling guilty for what they have done?

I feel like this sometimes and wish I could face them and say 'have you no conscience at all or regrets for what you did to me?'

we are not friends, and never will be.

Maybe that is his closure? He sounds like a bit of a coward in the end :)

I found the most frustrating and upsetting thing for me with my bullying parents is that they never admitted they did wrong, never took responsibility for their actions and never apologies once. I realise now that their actions are not because of me they were despite me, it was because of the type of people they were. I pity them now because I know that despite all their wicked actions I am a good, kind and caring person. :) That is my closure and reward. I am the bigger and better person and always was :)

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[safenow]

I think my main problem with school and with my ex is that even if I 'know' things, I still don't 'feel' them.

They are EX for a reason. Please, don't ever forget that again in case he calls you again.

Always remember, and never forget : You can only change yourself. You can not expect other to change for you. It ain't gonna happen no matter how hard or how much you wish for it to happen.

Sorry, if I sound like I'm nagging. I don't mean to say things the way they come out. My human talk is not that good yet.

 

[safenow]

my bullying parents is that they never admitted they did wrong, never took responsibility for their actions and never apologies once.

Just before my birth father died, I called him. He said, "If I ever did anything to hurt you, I'm sorry." That really ticked me off. IF. He had no memory of anything he'd ever done. Just before he said that, I told him I forgave him because he was drunk back then. He denied it. That is until his current wife said, "I met you in a bar. What do you mean you never drank?"

 

[MagiLisu]

Maybe you want an apology?
For them to take responsibility for their negative and bad actions?
How can they just move on without feeling guilty for what they have done?

There is one person in particular I would love to get an apology from yes, the person who I blame everything on, they are the focus of much of my anger. I know I will never get an apology from them. I did write them a letter once after I was taken out of school. The only real indication that I was still hurt by what had happened. I never heard anything back. I have bumped into this person numerous times since then (small town), and nothing. Not even a recognition that they knew me.

This person features in 90% of my dreams about school and I blame them for everything. Even stuff that has happened after school I blame them for. Which is silly because I know stuff like that is not their fault. My therapist knows about all this, and asked me if I could ask this person one question what would it be, and my answer was why?

Maybe that is his closure?

If that is closure for my ex I am glad they got it, but what about me?

I suppose a part of me is just fed up that everyone around me gets to do what they like, move on and act like it never happened. I am always the one that gets left behind expected just to put up and shut up. Everyone from the person at school down to even my in laws just seem to act as they please without thinking of everyone else, and it's my problem because I am 'troubled' and should just get over it.

If moving on was easy I would have done it by now.

in case he calls you again.

I never plan on speaking to my ex ever again.

 

[saffy]

Hi Safenow
Sounds like he was in denial too. Very hard to admit you did wrong, takes strength to do that. He sounds like a coward too.

The last and only time I confronted my step dad about the beatings he laughed and said he had to do that to control me because I was too violent. f*cking control freak bully. I had to be violent to protect myself from a grown man. I was not going to just sit there and let him do it.

I thought you pathetic piece of shite. I looked at my 'mother' and thought you selfish non maternal sorry excuse for a mother.

best wishes
Saffy :)

Sorry, everyone just having a really crap day today.

 

[safenow]

"If" I could ask this person one question what would it be, and my answer was why?

I feel exactly the same way, magil.isu. The only answer my logical mind gives me is: They were mentally ill. He was grieving for his dead wife. They were evil people.

But sometimes, it still ticks me off. You know what I mean?

 

[MagiLisu]

Sorry, everyone just having a really crap day today.

Don't be sorry, you and Safenow have been a great help to me.

You know what I mean?

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. For me my excuse for them is they were just children.

 

[safenow]

(((( saffy )))), If you'll allow me to do that. We all have crap days. No apology necessary for me.

 

[saffy]

I have bumped into this person numerous times since then (small town), and nothing. Not even a recognition that they knew me.

Maybe she is too embarrassed to face you ;)

If that is closure for my ex I am glad they got it, but what about me?

Exactly :)

What cowards they actually are, definitely have no integrity, morals or good virtues. It is much easier to pretend it never happened or put it in the back of their mind than confront what they did, it would mean that they would have to admit to themselves they they were the bad ones. The are too cowardly to do that.

You are much stronger than you think. :)

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Tanishq]

MagiLisu, Moving on from bad memories does take lot of time. It depends on your mental toughness. If you have developed greater toughness, you will forget the bad experience in a jiffy. If you don't have, then you can progress it slowly. You can do it.