Living In The Present.

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Does anyone ever feel like they are not quite in the past, present, or future? Sometimes I feel like I am straddling.

This is tough to explain, but maybe the example will make sense. For example, I can be enjoying something in the present, but some emotion from the past will creep in and poison the now. Or again, enjoying something in the now, but "knowing" because I was happy and not deserving, that something horrible will happen in the future.

I understand grounding, containment, and focus, but every time I fail, it gets harder. It is hard to reconcile what I "know" with how I "perform". Very frustrating.

I used to let my thoughts and memories poison the now, but not anymore. However, I still have many times where I feel like I'm somewhere in between--not really here or there, or any where. I think it's called depersonalization. I don't like being this way, because it makes recalling things from when I'm in this state more difficult. And it keeps me from being fully alive and experiencing my emotions.