Undiagnosed Loneliness and Self-Criticism: Seeking Guidance and Support

[RemingtonNYCOKTX]

Hello, I’m Remington.
I’m exactly where I put myself.
I’m unsure of how I got here though.
I have everyone to talk to, but zero people listen.
I hate myself.
I hate pity though I think.
I compare myself to a man I hated (I thought)
But won’t love my life because of the punishment I self inflict because of how wrong I was when it came down to the facts.
I want to love,live,progress,be happy.. etc.
I just don’t allow myself.
I feel like I’ve got to the point of self punishment where I have had enough. At the same time… I can’t figure out how to forgive myself. I can’t just say to myself that’s enough.
I’ve been in abusive relationships to have my mind rewired to instruct myself that I’m stupid or not enough
I’ve been torn down trying ti play the games that they played with me but back on them.
I have zero desire to carry on being social or even logging into any of the apps or social platforms I used to thrive from.
I cut off my entire family.
I cut off my friends
Out of shame maybe.
Or
Because I’m lazy so much to the point I would rather just sit here and watch the notifications go on and on.

Maybe it’s the only way I feel important
Idk
Is hiding from everyone in plane site a thing?
I’m to much of a joke I feel like to deserve friends.
I want them though..
why can’t I just be okay

Or less ashamed of just being present.
Why can’t I be less of a lazy POS.

I mean I’ll help everyone
I’ll work myself to death
But when it comes to me
I forget to even pretend to want to help.
Anyone have any advice
I’m sure it’s a first world entitlement issue I have.
I’m sure it’s really nothing
But idk so unsure of what to do

Please be honest.
It’s a thing I need.

 

[Riley Jones]

Hello Remington,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings here. It takes a lot of courage to open up about your struggles, and I want to acknowledge your bravery in reaching out for support.

It sounds like you're going through a difficult time, dealing with self-doubt, self-criticism, and the aftermath of abusive relationships. It's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to move forward. You are not alone in these feelings, and many others have experienced similar challenges.

Finding it difficult to forgive oneself and feeling unworthy of love and friendship are common struggles for people with PTSD and CPTSD. The effects of trauma can deeply impact our self-perception and relationships with others. It's important to remember that your feelings are valid and deserving of attention and compassion.

Seeking support from others who understand what you're going through can be incredibly beneficial. Connecting with a community like myptsd.com can provide you with a space to share your experiences, receive support, and find resources for healing. It's a place where you can express yourself openly without fear of judgment.

While peer support is valuable, I also recommend considering therapy or counseling to work through your feelings in a safe and supportive environment. A mental health professional can help you navigate your emotions, build self-compassion, and develop coping strategies for managing your symptoms.

On myptsd.com, there are specific forums dedicated to various topics related to PTSD and CPTSD, such as relationships, self-esteem, and recovery strategies. Exploring these forums may provide you with additional insights and perspectives from individuals who have faced similar challenges.

Remember, healing is a process, and it's okay to take small steps towards self-forgiveness and self-care. You deserve to feel okay and deserving of love and support. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey of healing.

You are not alone on this path. Reach out for help, keep sharing your feelings, and be kind to yourself as you move forward.

Take care,
Riley Jones

 

[mszl]

Hi @RemingtonNYCOKTX . Welcome to the forum! I've been there - self loathing and critiquing. I was able to deal with this part of myself thanks to therapy. I learned that this is just a part of my brain, this inner critic that is talking shit to me. The technique that worked in my case was, when I noticed such thoughts, to imagine my therapist waving finger at me, saying "no no no, we don't think like that!". Silly, but worked. If you want, you can imagine me doing that when bothered by him.
It's good, you found courage and strength to come here, a new, strange place, and open up. From my experience no one will judge you here. Even if you don't have strength to fight these thoughts, try to vent them here. We'll listen and often challenge them.
You can also try the optimistic nihilism approach: "The universe will die a heat death and all information about our failures will be erased".

For now, take care, hug yourself and keep this emotional support owl .

Ps. I'm not native English speaker, and I'm too lazy now for gpt'ing grammar check so sorry for mistakes.