Loneliness

[bellbird]

How do you/ how have you combated it?

This is something that I hugely struggle with.
Like right now: it's 1am, I can't sleep, again, and all I can hear are my flatmate and her boyfriend giggling in their room down the hall.
Other people being happy with other people, I think that's what does it.
Or maybe just other people being with other people.

I don't like that it happens.
But that doesn't get around the fact that it does happen.
It, the loneliness pangs, conjures up so many feelings: jealousy, regret, sadness, frustration, self-doubt, worry, etc.

I know my self-esteem was massively crushed during my abusive relationship. It certainly hasn't been helped by the various friends over the years who have just gone.
I know that is something that I need to improve, and it is one of mine + T's goals for our work together.
I know that that is a process.

But for these moments; when it's 1am, I can't sleep, I'm feeling like the most insignificant speck in this infinite universe, and all I can hear is non-stop f*cking giggling. What do you do then?
What has actually helped, when you've been here, if you've been here?
What can help?

Headphones, music... roger.
They're on now.
But otherwise.

Help this little speck out.

 

[somerandomguy]

How do you/ how have you combated it?

Posting here.

 

[VioletButterfly]

I snuggle with one of my stuffed animals or three and listen to books with earbuds.

 

[Kubash16]

I’ll get lost in books, focus on my dogs, post here, find some silly tv/YouTube that takes my mind off it, or I’ll dive into researching something and keep going till I can’t keep my eyes open anymore.

 

[frogthroat]

Realizing that you'll always be alone even when you're around other people because no one will ever truly get you like you do helps me. The quality of a relationship is more important to me then just being uber social.
Do you do anything to meet people? I sure don't and I'm totally fine with that. Being alone is a good thing. It helps you really think about what you value about relationships and what type of people you're actually wanting to give your time too. It helps you trust yourself more too which in turn rebuilds self-esteem. Being alone isn't always sunshine and rainbow but neither is being in a relationship. Right now you have all the time in the world to focus on you. That's a positive thing and you're not a failure or any of that nonsense for being solitary.

 

[Innordinate]

What has actually helped, when you've been here, if you've been here?

Been here just recently. Still kinda there now.
Being alone and loneliness are two different things for me.
i choose to be alone.
i dont choose to be lonely.
i actually prefer to be alone- because thats the only way i can recharge but also because its safer and easier than not being alone and ruining another relationship of some kind- just friendships or more intimate relationships.

that makes me lonely. and watching other people enjoy each others companies and hearing it in their happiness and never feeling like i belong- always being on the outside of that kind of companionship...... sucks.

what's actually worked? nothing
that i've found sorry.
not even headphones because im still acutely aware that other people connect on a way deeper level than i ever can. and seemingly so easily!

oh, and actually- posting here does help a bit- at least speeds up the passing until the next time im reminded.

maybe just those reminders- that other people feel lonely too. and everyone at some point will feel lonely. and even people who are giggling and around other people might still be lonely, just pretending they aren't.
Maybe the trick is to find that 'something else' that fulfills you so you no longer long for that which you can't have?


sorry you're feeling all the feels that come with loneliness and you have to listen to your room mate remind you that you're lonely.

 

[Changing4Best]

I have a job where I deal with people. When I get home, I love to take a nap. Other than the nap, I stay busy, so loneliness won't bite me. I make a point of going to social events at my church, or around town. What I love to do is listen to their stories, especially the old folks. I guess that being a listener is a huge part of it. Sure, I tell my own story sometimes, but I would rather hear other folks' stories.

 

[Justmehere]

I use the middle of the night moments to make plans to connect with others, or to make plans to build up what I need to connect. It’s a way to remind myself its a temporary reality.

I’m struggling with not having a partner right now, and while that’s not going to be solved quickly, when I start getting really sad and lonely about it, I start thinking of my next steps with friends too.

It’s also fair to remember connecting to people doesn’t bring happiness, and it’s true. Trauma survivors often know this reality well. But I do believe we need social connection in our lives and generally we were not meant to live unconnected lives. Isolation has been shown in study after study to really affect mental health. But, it doesn’t take having partners to remedy that effect.

I have a friend who is a widower, who deeply struggles with this too. She connects to faith (which may or may not apply for you) and to volunteering for others. It helps her fill up her “connection cup.”

I have had times where I feel down about not having a partner that I do the opposite action and celebrate my independence. No, I don’t really feel like doing that, but it does help pick me up. Especially when it’s independence to plan things with others. Comparison about many life factors can lead to feeling down... but gratitude can be a bit of an antidote.

 

[RVA21]

I am not sure, I haven't really found a solution. I do things to distract myself but eventually it always returns. Even in the company of most people, I still feel lonely. Chronically lonely. I like the idea of volunteering and going to church etc. I fear in my case though, I would still feel like I'm on the outside looking in, wishing I could truly connect. Anyway, you're not alone in this.

 

[Keming]

Humans are a communal species. We feel distressed after prolonged lack of company. It's a survival mechanism. Loneliness is a lot easier to deal with if we accept that it's natural, like pain, or sneezing; it's not abnormal, it's not a weakness, it's just an unpleasant alert.

Rather than find ways to ignore it or work through it, I find ways not to be lonely. This means exposing myself to social risk. It can be... challenging. Loneliness can lead to depression, and depression tells us lies. I am particularly averse to social risk, but for the sake of my health I've tried a few things and have some habits.

- joined a writer's group for a while. Not very long, but for a few weeks I was in company of others who also enjoyed the written word.
- online roleplaying in a MUD - usually Achaea (combat is way, way over my head, but the roleplay is immersive).
- games with the downstairs neighbours, coordinated by my supporter.
- This site.

 

[HealingMama]

How do you/ how have you combated it?

This is something that I hugely struggle with.
Like right now: it's 1am, I can't sleep, again, and all I can hear are my flatmate and her boyfriend giggling in their room down the hall.
Other people being happy with other people, I think that's what does it.
Or maybe just other people being with other people.

I don't like that it happens.
But that doesn't get around the fact that it does happen.
It, the loneliness pangs, conjures up so many feelings: jealousy, regret, sadness, frustration, self-doubt, worry, etc.

I know my self-esteem was massively crushed during my abusive relationship. It certainly hasn't been helped by the various friends over the years who have just gone.
I know that is something that I need to improve, and it is one of mine + T's goals for our work together.
I know that that is a process.

But for these moments; when it's 1am, I can't sleep, I'm feeling like the most insignificant speck in this infinite universe, and all I can hear is non-stop f*cking giggling. What do you do then?
What has actually helped, when you've been here, if you've been here?
What can help?

Headphones, music... roger.
They're on now.
But otherwise.

Help this little speck out.

My method of coping is not very healthy. I usually think about how eventually those people will just confirm my negative core beliefs. Eventually they will do something to make me terrified or make me cry. Relationships will always bring pain given enough time and complacency unless they stay superficial. So I'm doing myself a favor not putting myself out there. If your long-term goal is to increase social contacts this might not be helpful but it takes away that lonely feeling pretty quickly.

 

[Carmen1]

well, what im doing now is getting therapy. I wanted to write her ebecause your post is 100% me and how i feel at times. EXACTLY MY THOUGHTS. It feels comforting to see, there are more people feeling like me.
The middle and long term solution is - be proactive in your treatment. I just read a great book that landed me here "invisible heroes and how they heal". Some solutions i will be using: imagery meditation, online community support (here), therapy, excercise, journaling, and reading more about pstd to be informed (just bought The body keeps the score).
Short term solution: guided imagery! but this book invisible heroes and how they heal and follow the steps, i love it because our left side of the brain is impaired in our trauma and stress moments but the right side (images) functions better than most, hence why guided imagery works so well.
Other short term solutions? surf this forum, google answers to your issues, read...thats what works for me, googling things like "i never fit in" or "how to fight the feeling of not fitting in", for me, informations is key. Now that i know i have PTSD, i would focus on that.
Hope it helps, HUGS