Sentinel_9
New Here
Hi everyone.
I've had the monkey on my back since late '87 from a head on collision. (head injury - blunt force trauma) It took only a few weeks for the PTS primate started on my back. I had a T for about 6 years and thought I had it all under control. However, years of traumatic experiences added to it brick by brick silently like a sleeping super volcano. I would have minor episodes but with the techniques my T taught me, I thought I had it in the bag.
What built the wall was two abusive relationships, loss of someone close, depression and a complete upheaval in my life. After several years I thought I had finally had enough tools to tear down walls and build my own roads.
I even started back into dating (after a few years of hermit living....). I had a few good relationships but hey, not everyone is perfect right? Until eight months ago I met my significant other. For some strange reason we clicked like peanut butter and jelly on toast. After eight weeks in and my heart like putty in their hands... I found a pamphlet on PTSD on their refrigerator hung up with a magnet. Right away I got scared and thought "oh crap I've been found out".... Not so.
My Significant other relayed to me they had severe combat ptsd. The pamphlet on the fridge was from the VA. Now I know why silence was so comfortable... easy to love... but hard to cope for both of us.
I know we love each other, but he's in so deep it tears me up. Last month I had my first panic attack in nearly a decade. I know his cup is running over and starting to fill up mine. This past weekend he's in shut down. He has managed to text me a couple times and we had a good talk out this morning. Sometimes we need to dawn the battle suits to get our thoughts across and slowly he is being less and less verbally combative but it's so hard to watch him suffer knowing what it's like behind that wall. It's taking all I have not to become a brick in the wall at the same time he tries so hard to hold onto us even when he's in self-preservation mode.
I am juggling being a sufferer and supporter at the same time. I just needed to come to a place where someone understands. I hope.
I've had the monkey on my back since late '87 from a head on collision. (head injury - blunt force trauma) It took only a few weeks for the PTS primate started on my back. I had a T for about 6 years and thought I had it all under control. However, years of traumatic experiences added to it brick by brick silently like a sleeping super volcano. I would have minor episodes but with the techniques my T taught me, I thought I had it in the bag.
What built the wall was two abusive relationships, loss of someone close, depression and a complete upheaval in my life. After several years I thought I had finally had enough tools to tear down walls and build my own roads.
I even started back into dating (after a few years of hermit living....). I had a few good relationships but hey, not everyone is perfect right? Until eight months ago I met my significant other. For some strange reason we clicked like peanut butter and jelly on toast. After eight weeks in and my heart like putty in their hands... I found a pamphlet on PTSD on their refrigerator hung up with a magnet. Right away I got scared and thought "oh crap I've been found out".... Not so.
My Significant other relayed to me they had severe combat ptsd. The pamphlet on the fridge was from the VA. Now I know why silence was so comfortable... easy to love... but hard to cope for both of us.
I know we love each other, but he's in so deep it tears me up. Last month I had my first panic attack in nearly a decade. I know his cup is running over and starting to fill up mine. This past weekend he's in shut down. He has managed to text me a couple times and we had a good talk out this morning. Sometimes we need to dawn the battle suits to get our thoughts across and slowly he is being less and less verbally combative but it's so hard to watch him suffer knowing what it's like behind that wall. It's taking all I have not to become a brick in the wall at the same time he tries so hard to hold onto us even when he's in self-preservation mode.
I am juggling being a sufferer and supporter at the same time. I just needed to come to a place where someone understands. I hope.
