Dom Violence Looking Back

[Survivor28]

Hello everyone! I'm new here.
My storyis not new and it's pretty common. For more then 10 years since I was a child I lived in an abusive family. My dad was an alcoholic, so as his father. I remember that fear was a constant feeling. I don't think I want to tell anything more (right now at least), sorry. I just don't want to recover all those memories.
Everything ended when my father died, not so long ago.

The reason I'm writing this post is that I hope to find people who also survived horrible events, and want them to share experience - how to live now? I feel like memories of the past are haunting me, I have nightmares sometimes, axiety, can't stand sunshine or bright light, I am afraid of everything, always on alert, feel like something bad will happen every second. I don't trust people, I don't have any relationship and I do not want to start a family, and also - I am so so tired most of the time (both physically and emotionally).

 

[hodge]

Welcome, Survivor. I grew up with an abusive mother. My father was really young and immature when they had me. He left when I was 11 and it really hurt me and my brother, because my mom was so crazy and abusive. I've been through a lot of traumatic experiences and also through a lot of therapy to deal with them, well, some of them at least. Whenever you feel ready to post about your experiences, I'm sure a lot of us will support you however we can.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum:)

My story is pretty different to yours, but for what it's worth, everything in your post that you wrote after "how to live now?" was like a long checklist and I tick all those same boxes!

As for the question "how to live now"? Answering that one is still a work in progress for me, but one answer that I have come up with so far...Courageously. And that's what forums like this one help us with:)

 

[blaze]

That sounds alot like what happened to me. "/ you feel this sense of dread and helplessness whenever you try to share right? You dont have to pick at the wound bro. In my case my dad used drugs, we would often fight and I once even grabbed him by the kneck and slammed him on the wall :'(
He also passed away a few months ago.
Sometimes it's your family that hurts the most, when they die you find yourself cursing they ghost :(