Karen Clarke
New Here
I really hate asking the question 'Do I have PTSD'? But So far I feel like no one is willing to give me their opinion and I can't get to the Doctors to seek her advice until an appointment next week. So I am just asking if it sounds like it ...
Starting off with my main upset in life, my mother was killed in a car crash, I obviously felt upset by this but I thought I was handling it as best I could until the court case gave the man who caused the crash a 'Not proven' this is six years later and I am sitting her wondering what I have been doing with this time in between. I have been trying to fight people who should change the law for Dangerous driving from behind my computer because I do not really go outside, people make me feel dread, I think that is the word. If someone speaks to me I first get uncomfortable then I move onto making up an excuse to move away and If I do speak I go over my wording with a fine tooth comb looking to see if I sounded stupid or non-human.
I only have one connection left, really which is my husband. He worries because I keep things in until it feels like I have something caught just behind my throat and then the slightest thing tips me into babbling rage. Not about him but about the crash and about the man who should be in jail - about family because everyone drifted away and no one stuck together after the crash.
If I do go out, which I will admit I enjoy as long as it is just me and mine - I don't like crowds. I keep a look out for particular vans because I know who the man worked for and I remember seeing one and just panic - sheer un-breathable panic - I walked so quickly to the house and sat in the kitchen for quite a while. If the council send someone out to work on the house I have my husband talk to the worker just in case it is him.
Have almost 0 self confidence, every time I think I am going to get somewhere it ends up being a pipe dream. If any of you know of the law in scotland you may know the double jeopardy law is to be changing, I remember feeling like I had got somewhere, smiled and then crashed when I heard only one case every five years would be predicted to go through back to court.
Again I am rabbiting on, but today I am wondering if I am not in-fact out there to make a difference, just to do something to take the attention away from other things. Last night I sat down with my husband and told him how I felt and how I no longer understood anything, when we got together we planned to have a mortgage, I planned to have a good job and now I am sat in a house fighting a loosing battle, feeling panic and anger.
He says I have changed a lot, he still loves me no matter what but I am always on a crusade and upset about one thing or another.
When I was 12 I was sexually assaulted by my 'great' uncle, and I never told anyone. I pretended it didn't happen - even when he said he shouldn't have done it after wards and I said 'what'. This past month where he worked and I volunteered (Which is where he done it) was on the news and I broke down with guilt. He fostered kids and I ignored it ... it has just been one hard month.
Starting to notice the gaps that have been showing for a while, socially and starting to notice how the level of panic I feel it not normal ... at any rate I will put this out there and see what you all think.
Starting off with my main upset in life, my mother was killed in a car crash, I obviously felt upset by this but I thought I was handling it as best I could until the court case gave the man who caused the crash a 'Not proven' this is six years later and I am sitting her wondering what I have been doing with this time in between. I have been trying to fight people who should change the law for Dangerous driving from behind my computer because I do not really go outside, people make me feel dread, I think that is the word. If someone speaks to me I first get uncomfortable then I move onto making up an excuse to move away and If I do speak I go over my wording with a fine tooth comb looking to see if I sounded stupid or non-human.
I only have one connection left, really which is my husband. He worries because I keep things in until it feels like I have something caught just behind my throat and then the slightest thing tips me into babbling rage. Not about him but about the crash and about the man who should be in jail - about family because everyone drifted away and no one stuck together after the crash.
If I do go out, which I will admit I enjoy as long as it is just me and mine - I don't like crowds. I keep a look out for particular vans because I know who the man worked for and I remember seeing one and just panic - sheer un-breathable panic - I walked so quickly to the house and sat in the kitchen for quite a while. If the council send someone out to work on the house I have my husband talk to the worker just in case it is him.
Have almost 0 self confidence, every time I think I am going to get somewhere it ends up being a pipe dream. If any of you know of the law in scotland you may know the double jeopardy law is to be changing, I remember feeling like I had got somewhere, smiled and then crashed when I heard only one case every five years would be predicted to go through back to court.
Again I am rabbiting on, but today I am wondering if I am not in-fact out there to make a difference, just to do something to take the attention away from other things. Last night I sat down with my husband and told him how I felt and how I no longer understood anything, when we got together we planned to have a mortgage, I planned to have a good job and now I am sat in a house fighting a loosing battle, feeling panic and anger.
He says I have changed a lot, he still loves me no matter what but I am always on a crusade and upset about one thing or another.
When I was 12 I was sexually assaulted by my 'great' uncle, and I never told anyone. I pretended it didn't happen - even when he said he shouldn't have done it after wards and I said 'what'. This past month where he worked and I volunteered (Which is where he done it) was on the news and I broke down with guilt. He fostered kids and I ignored it ... it has just been one hard month.
Starting to notice the gaps that have been showing for a while, socially and starting to notice how the level of panic I feel it not normal ... at any rate I will put this out there and see what you all think.
