Sufferer Looking For Happiness

[Imanpeony]

Hello my name is Iman. I am 23 years old.

I live Indianapolis, IN USA. I was born in Hawaii, but I have lived here for as long as I can remember.

My father was a US Marine and suffers from PTSD and also had a difficult childhood. My mother also came from an abusive household. I think that is why they lived so much for themselves and didn’t really look after us. The only attention my parents really gave us was to beat us and it was pretty much every day.

My older brothers took on their example and so did their friends. As a result I and my 2 younger siblings were physically, verbally, and sexually abused, as well as neglected and starved. This happened until I turned 15 and was able to get my first job and buy us food. We were able to care for ourselves fairly well. But it is very hard because my younger brother has Autism and Aspeberger’s syndrome. My younger sister two years ago got two illnesses called autonomic neuropathy and gastroparesis.

I am trying to support them and still remain sane myself but it has recently become way too much. I have a therapist and I wondering if anyone has been able to manage the self hatred and overwhelming unhappiness. I just want it to be over and cannot see a way out. I get so emotionally overwhelmed that I hyperventilate and pass out and I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions on managing it all?

 

[franciemarnie]

I am sorry for the living hell you grew up with.

Does your therapist give you ideas for coping? Especially for hyperventilating and passing out?

You have so much going on right now. I pray your T is good and helping.

It doesn't sound like you have any quality of life at the moment. There are so many ways of coping and healing you will see on the board if you look around. There are great articles in the Help Section.

For overwhelming stress, my number one daily strategy has always been exercise to release the stress hormones. Even if I am very tired, I will take a half hour walk with my IPod. You are taking care of everyone else. You have to make time for yourself somehow.

Meditation is next for me as the biggest help.

These are just two things that work for me. You have to find what works for you.

I hope you find healing here. Welcome!

 

[intothelight]

Hi Iman,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

Talk to your therapist about various methods to handle the PTSD symptoms such as the hyperventilation. Daily exercise, meditation, mindfulness techniques, yoga, and other stress reduction methods can go a long way to reducing panic attacks. Medication is also an option, or a combination, but it is really something where you may have to try a variety of things to find what works for you.

As far as the feelings of self-hatred and unhappiness, those will dissipate and you will find that you can love and respect yourself, and find life enjoyable. There is no quick fix and it takes therapy, hard work and time.

I hope you find the information and support here beneficial to your healing.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[Imanpeony]

@francimarci- My therapist hasn’t given me any coping mechanisms, but I will ask her about them next visit. Thanks for that. Also things are rough right now, but a lot better than before. I feel like I should just be so grateful we are all alive and relatively safe, but always I am really sad and angry with myself. I don’t know I guess I am just silly. I will look around the help section. I didn’t even see it when I joined, also the meditation and exercise I will try. But I do get a bit busy so it’ll be pretty hard. Thank you for your kind words and support.

@intothelight- Thank you for the warm welcome. I am trying some meds but I don’t really understand what they are supposed to do. Or I guess how I am supposed to feel. These feeling are the only feelings I know and other feeling I oftimes find frustrating and hard to understand. What am I supposed to feel like on the meds? How do I know of thins are working? Thank you so much for your help and letting me understand realistic expectations!

 

[Imanpeony]

@francimarnie- Sorry I spelled you name wrong in the other one.

 

[franciemarnie]

Hi @Imanpeony!

I would feel really angry and sad too, but for me the anger and sadness would be in response to the way I was treated although I understand how it can be self directed. When our reality is denied growing up, we turn it on ourselves. Anyway my point is - you are not silly!

You will learn a lot now that you are in therapy and on the forum.

Please try and make time for yourself every day. Find the time. You deserve it majorly!!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum.