if i take the pressure off finding something which can never be found, but work on opening everything up, seeing it, listening to it, validating all sides, then yeah, co existence may be a thing...
There’s a reason humans look for absolute truths. It feels safer. It makes the world a whole lot easier to navigate and function in. Absolute truths are quicker and easier. Our brains naturally seek them out so that we can function.
But, you don’t have to look very far to see humans who get themselves into a big pickle by
only allowing for absolute truths. Extremely religious folks. Anti-vaxxers etc.
The trick is to recognise when an absolute truth is causing you dysfunction, so you can hold onto it more loosely and examine the truths that are coexisting around it. Let your grip ease a bit, reduce the struggle…insight, mindfulness, therapy - lots of things help with that.
For example: I was really terrified when…
and I felt completely loved in that moment. Or,
I was really terrified when…
and it seemed normal and loving.
Having DID makes it trickier, in that conflicting truths are inherent, and relate to everything that is central to who we are as an individual. But, once internal communication becomes more natural, and there’s more trust, it gets easier.
they somehow view me connecting with smaller, younger parts of myself (to hear them), as being a dangerous thing to do
Every now and again, there’s times when it’s helpful to me to remind myself that all these different parts are still me. For example, have you just stated:
“I somehow view me connecting with myself (to hear me) as being a dangerous thing to do”? If so, that’s potentially exactly where the problem (and solution) is. If you establish safety, the challenge of conflicting truths diminishes - all your parts may feel safer to honour their own truth, and respect the differences of the others.
You have options. For example, you could take a bit of time to work more on those internal relationships, and building trust in the system. Or you could find other ways to have the conversation that feel safer to the parts involved.
Fwiw? Building safety in my system is still a work in progress. But once I had
enough internal safety,
enough internal communication and cooperation, resolving the trauma became a lot less urgent, and I became way more functional (and happier) as a human being.
Oh yeah, big time! The stories I could tell!!
My protector parts, I mean, they’re pretty brutal, yeah? My core self went to war with one of my protector parts when I first got co-consciousness - we could
not coexist. I lost a T I’d been working with for 5+ years when that conflict spilled into the therapy office. I’ve been hospitalised because of things my protector parts have done over internal disagreements, often related to how my young parts remember or communicate about my trauma. Literally blood has been spilled. Not pretty.
As scary and apparently ruthless as they may be, our protector parts are just doing their best to keep us safe with the skills they have. But if you are capable of learning and growth (which you are), then so are those parts of you.
And they can, ultimately, play a very important role in helping keep your younger parts safe as you go through your recovery. Our littles can’t just come out, take control, and run the show. They are waaaay to young. For a start, they tend not to know when to stop or how to implement self care. While they may need help to communicate, we are the adults now, and need to keep them safe. Healthy Parent mode (for those that did Schema Therapy!!).
