Fallfox984
New Here
I've been in therapy for the past year and have had lot of realizations that have mostly just felt heart-shattering. I have CPTSD and the depth of not feeling loved/cared for/seen, even in my adult life feels awful. I've always had SI to some extent, in the sense that I've always kicked the possibility down the road but just having the choice has made me feel safe. Lately as I learn more about my grief, my depression and hopelessness feel unending. I truly can't imagine a time where I won't be sad to not have been loved, or when I won't have this massive wound in my heart. It feels so hopeless and it makes me wish I could speed up life so I can just get to the end. I feel like I've seen all I needed to see of life, and if this is the extent of it, I don't think I want to be here for a long time. I feel awful thinking that way because there are others who truly do have bigger struggles than me, who are able to learn and grow from them. But I can't see past any of this. I can't see anything good on the other side. Those of you who have been in this journey for awhile, please tell me there's something better out there. I just want to know that there are good things on the other side of all this pain.