Looking For Hope

[Valentino]

That set me back quite a bit. I didn't even think that was possible. Just when I think I'm at the bottom, it seems I have farther down to go. It is hard to have hope and hard not to be discouraged and think about suicide as a release from all this pain and suffering that doesn't seem to have an end in site. I'm so sorry to be so hopeless and negative sounding, but I am hurting so much. I feel so alone and honestly, for once in my life I just want someone to take me, hold me, love me and tell me everything will be OK. I want to feel safe, so no one can hurt me. I know, fantasy world, but a girl can dream can't she?

Why are you apologizing for having human feelings? I appreciate the raw genuine honesty, and I imagine that your heart and body would also appreciate it if you also offered your full attention.

You are allowed love yourself, and you might be the best person to do it, because you know yourself the best, and are always there.

Have you tried giving yourself a hug? Encourage yourself? Rejoice in the small victories?

 

[WendyA]

@Valentino I am terrible at self love. In truth I was never shown how to do that or that I was really worth anything. Maybe I also thought that if no one else loved me outside of myself, I was somehow unlovable. That is what my new therapist is working on now with me. I don't believe I'm worthy of love or important enough and it is hard, very hard, to change that mindset. I still have so many rescue fantasies and all of them involve other people. I don't know if it is because I don't think I'm capable of rescuing myself, or I don't trust myself. I just know that every time I look for love or affection or for validation of some kind, I always look outside myself. I am working on finding out the why now I guess. It is terrifying to let go of the idea that my knight in shining armor isn't going to rescue me, the damsel in distress. Even if I didn't have issues, that is the message all these story books and movies tell young girls.

One of the things my new therapist is doing with me is she gave me a place to go and in it there are "companions" that I have chosen to love and help me on this "journey". The companions can't be people that can let me down, so no one living and they don't even have to necessarily be real you just have to believe in them. You create this whole scene of a mountain meadow and a house that is yours and in it are those companions. I can go there in my mind whenever I need to feel safe. Also, when I am noticing a feeling such as insecurity, I pick a number from 1-10 and whatever number I pick is the age of my little self. So for example, if I pick 5, I will envision my 5 year old self, pick her up and carry her into the house to be loved and nurtured by the companions. I, myself, will also be there to keep her safe and to give her the love that she never got. Does that sound crazy? Like I said, this therapist is a little unconventional and different, so just wondering what you all think about stuff like that and if you think it may work?

 

[Hashi]

Sounds just like the kind of things I do. Different scenarios for different sorts of issues, but it works for me. It makes a lot of sense to me, too. Creating images and scenarios like that reaches us on a level that words alone can't do.

 

[Valentino]

I don't believe I'm worthy of love or important enough and it is hard, very hard, to change that mindset. I still have so many rescue fantasies and all of them involve other people.

It might be worth investigating how you came upon this belief and why you are still clinging onto it.

If you know at one level this is holding you back, but you still do it. It must mean that you are still getting a 'pay-off' benefit from still holding on.

It is terrifying to let go of the idea that my knight in shining armor isn't going to rescue me, the damsel in distress. Even if I didn't have issues, that is the message all these story books and movies tell young girls.

Holding onto rescue fantasies is similar to the dangers of holding onto false hope. Spending so much energy, effort, and time living in an illusion, means that you also miss out on real life opportunities to feel, recover, adapt, change, learn, grow, and evolve. Why is real life reality so terrifying that you would rather choose living in mental fantasies that you don't even believe possible?

Interesting therapy strategy by your new therapist. Give it a try and if it works for you, keep at it. There's probably thousands of various techniques to try to help people learn self love.