Looking For Opinions :)

[Shadowofdoubt]

Hi everyone. I haven't posted a new thread in a while, but figured I might as well get peoples thoughts on something I am contemplating.

I came to the forums to learn about PTSD as I became friends with a sufferer on-line while gaming. It was a rough course at first. I eventually learned that I deal with many similar symptoms related to complex trauma as a child/teenager with attachment issues.

My life has been a mess the pass couple years, I've lost some close friends, backed away from my faith, and have been isolating and dealing with depression. I got into gaming and find myself "addicted" to this world. My friend, and the man I have gotten emotionally attached too, is a PTSD sufferer and also a gamer. It kind of runs into a long story but we have become partners working on making a success of a minecraft server. He has several times told me he isn't ready for a relationship, though he does talk of coming to visit. I love him and would like a romantic relationship, but in the same sense don't feel like I'm really at a good point. We have managed well as partners and our friendship has grown. He knows I'm pretty messed up, probably even more-so than he is. I do not know what the trauma is he had gone through. just that he is trying to get disability and his parents help support him. (he is around 40, and I am 46).

At this time in life I am without a job, have applied for disability myself and am working towards getting into an intensive out patient mental health program. I have this desire to sort of run away and I am really wanting to head to his state (20 hour drive) to meet/visit him. I have limited income at this time, anticipating a tax return soon. I think I could manage the cost. My doctor seems excited for me to do something to get me out of my depression. I know my older kids will think I'm nuts. I have never done any travelling or "leaving" of the sort. My sufferer is more concerned about his parents, as his lives in an apartment attached to his parents home. I told him I could stay at a hotel. I was just wondering what peoples opinions or experiences were as to meeting someone they met on line. I have known him for over a year, and we have spent everyday together in a teamspeak channel on line working on this minecraft server for the last six months. He has promised not to isolate/abandon me as he has done in past. It's hard to explain, but meeting him is what I feel the next step is, in whether I should continue with our friendship or move on with my (real) life. Seems like a kind of stupid post but I am looking for opinions. Thanks.

 

[scout86]

You only live once and I think regretting things left undone is worse that regretting things you did do.(At least the things you did do and regret make for good stories!) If you can honestly afford the trip and the hotel, why not? (But then, I'm pretty much always up for a road trip.)

 

[Julesnaz]

I've met a lot of people online over the years. I just suggest staying in a hotel and meeting in a public place and let someone know where you are and have it set so you call/text every now and then to let them know you're safe.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Honestly, I don't think your post is stupid at all! If you think about it, this is a common thing now that people are meeting others online who aren't exactly nearby. Many don't go out looking for some sort of romantic connection, but it just sort of happens.

I've met a few people in person that I first met online. Things didn't really work out in any of those cases, but I wouldn't say that I'm opposed to doing it again. I'm talking to someone new-ish right now, and getting to know him. I met him online (not a dating site), and have thought about meeting him at some point in the future as we don't live all that far apart (as in a few hour drive vs. people I meet on the other side of the world!)

If you decide to meet him, I would definitely get your own hotel room. It will make the meeting feel less pressured in case the person isn't exactly how you envisioned them and/or it feels a bit awkward at first. (I'm definitely one of those people who has an awkward break in phase where I can't even look the other person in the eye for at least the first few hours...but I'm never like this in any other situation!) Be sure to take necessary precautions such as letting other people know where you will be, who you are meeting, his info, etc. Chances are that he is a good guy, but its better to be safe, especially since you're going such a long distance.

I think the trip may help pull you out of your depression. I have a two week trip planned for the beginning of March and it is giving me SO much to look forward to! My family is worried that it will be too much for me, but I am taking precautions to ensure that I don't overdo it. I have been slowly emerging from a bad fall season and while the upcoming semester is stressing me out a bit, I am excited that I'm going on a new adventure!

I think that you should definitely consider meeting this guy. I rather regret something I did rather than something I didn't do. If you never meet him, you may always be left with the question "what if....?"

Good Luck!

 

[Shadowofdoubt]

Thank you all for your responses. I am quite nervous/excited about the idea of making plans, but for me It's the "need to know", is there a possibility for a "real" thing with us, or not. My life now is kind of stagnated. I know it will also be a relief for him to know I will insist on staying at a hotel, (for at least the first night ;)).

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Shadowofdoubt

I am a sufferer, currently locked in a bad situation in which I will probably stay for the next few years, due to trauma, long social isolation and so on, and everything else of the list, I never really had friends, I was always the odd one out, third in a pair...

My love, my supporter I met online, it will be our 3 months anniversary soon. She is recently the reason I live. Since I met I've been moving up road of recovery and haven't had any suicide attempts. Support moved me a great way on road to recovery, and actually got me off some negative ways. I thank HER for all she gave to me.

I can say that sucha connection is more than I have ever achieved with someone in person, due to social anxiety, fears and so on...

I wish I could meet her. But unfortunately I am unable to for now, but I have a deep connection with her.

A few questions for you:

How much does he share his worries and pain with you?

Do you video chat with him?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I would think about this real carefully. Red lights are going off in my head about this. Lots of people have made suggestions about making yourself self safe in this situation, which I echo........trust your gut feelings and if you have any doubts inside of you then listen to your heart and do not go.

It would be a real good idea to have a hotel and keep it that way. I am concerned for you. If it goes bad, have safe people who can support you through the aftermath and get yourself safely at home.

It could be an adventure but it also could go really bad. I wish you all of the best if you do go. I sure hope it works out for you.

 

[Shadowofdoubt]

The subject hasn't been talked about since I asked him what he thought about it. I don't want to push it if he is uncomfortable with the idea.

We communicate daily, for several hours, about the server we run. He has shared some of his personal life and has been supportive of me with difficulties I face. He does not like mushy stuff and rarely expresses emotion, other than anger and frustration. He has said he has no sexual desire at all. He is quite smart, self taught, creative with a great sense of humor. He loves his cat :)! (I am jealous). We have a bond of friendship that I wish was more and he knows this. He does not work, is fighting for disability, lives in an apartment attached to his parents home. I am not at all concerned about my safety in regards to visiting him. I have a hard time communicating with him on a more personal level sometimes as I don't want to push him. I have done that in the past and he just left, unfriended me everywhere.

I don't know how things will turn out. Thanks for your responses!