General Looking For Support

[Jestadud]

I don't like lying, probably because I'm not very good at it. So I fully back what Junebug has just said, if cornered I would say it's a "stress thingy".

Everybody has stress of some level so people think they understand stress and tend to accept that as an answer then by adding "thingy" you let them know you don't really want to talk about it in detail. Usually they then offer advice which you can accept gracefully with lots of "Gee thanks", "We must try that" or "I'll be sure to pass that on".

This isn't a lie all we are doing is holding back a few initials like PT&D.

If you say PTSD then people are curious and want to know the how, when, what, why regarding it.

 

[anni]

Hi lonetree,

I do wish I could be helpful-I'm always having to come up with excuses myself for me, so at least understand what you're saying. Sorry to sort of intrude here, but just loved all of the replies and the fact that you seemed to breathe a sigh of relief when something funny got involved. I laughed out loud here myself, and made the dog jump, when I read Adam's suggestion.

We're at least here, and respecting what you're going through-you can see both carers and sufferers truly nodding our heads as we read your words.

Do take care,

Anni

 

[lovinbiker]

I wont break her trust though.

I know the feeling, truthfully I feel I have already by coming here to this forum. I dare not tell her I have as I dunno what she will say partly as I know she will feel quilty that she has put me here. In all honesty though it was here or something way more drastic, When people ask me questions as to why im not spending much time with her lately I just say shes not very well. In all honesty I really dont care what other people think of me or her, as to me the truth is something a couple share together not necessarily with anyone else.

Take care

 

[Jestadud]

Lonetree I really sympathise with you on this problem of family gatherings. If you saw my thread about my cousins funeral in ptsd relationships you might understand why.

The point of whether you are sufferer or carer may be redundant compared to not being confident in communicating with each other.

As a sufferer I believe my wife doesn't want to talk about these things.
As a carer you believe your wife doesn't want to talk about these things.
At some point we just have to find a way to communicate with each other.

My wife knows I come here and the fact that I told her I had mentioned my problem here I feel prompted her response. But I can understand you not wanting to give up your support that you find here and handing it over to her.

Maybe you just need to tell her you have found a support forum for you and let her find her own way here!

 

[lonetree]

I hear what your saying Jestadud. I actually have told her I found this site. I have not told her its been a life saver for me in case that makes her feel bad. I have not given her the site yet as I hope to be able to make it into a private carer area before she comes in. Just in case I need to vent without her having to see it.
We have talked about her being the missing link and how its difficult for me to explain her absences. We work on excuses together. We both understand how important it is to her to have control over this private matter. It is her battle and when she is ready she's ready.
My problem is I have no face to face relief valve. Don't take me the wrong way. Everyone in here is fantastic, honest and very open. I hold you all in the highest regard. Sometimes I just wish I could call someone up and meet over a beer or coffee and just talk!!!

 

[Clyde]

My girlfriend recently got a PTSD service dog, and before that I was in a similar situation as you - not telling anyone and making excuses. I'm sad to say that even with a label, barely anyone gets it. I still feel the same thing of feeling like I'm saying something that might as well be a lie because it is not understood.

Sometimes I worry that what I'm searching for is others' approval for my decision to be in this relationship - like if only they knew that she has PTSD, then they would understand that she can't be emotionally present at a big gathering, and then they wouldn't judge me. I think that was my biggest hesitation with any dishonesty before.

I'm sorry you feel so alone right now, do you have someone close to you that isn't also her friend that you could talk with her about being open with?