Hi there ladies and gents :)
I'm a new member, just joined up about 10 minutes ago. I figured I should introduce myself.
I'm 19, recently diagnosed with PTSD (It's been a year), and I suppose I'm here for advice, friendship, and just to be able to talk to someone who has been through what I have, and suffers with what I do, and I take great comfort in the idea that I might be able to find that here.
Here's my story. I hope I don't run out of space...
I suffered 5 years of sexual abuse at the hands of my older brother, who is 6 years older than I am. I was 6 when the abuse started, 11 when it stopped (the day I stood up and said no). I've been through a lot of ups and downs in the last 7 years, throughout the court case, the counselling through the Child and Family team at my local hospital, with no real treatment other than that, which didn't help, as in the 2 and a half years I was in therapy, I spoke about it very, very briefly twice. I literally couldn't even face bringing it up.
After the counselling ended, of my own choice (I felt "Better". Or so I thought...), I got steadily worse. Mood swings, depression, suicidal thoughts, anger issues, anxiety, paranoia, lack of sleeping, inability to keep a sleeping pattern because of the lack of sleeping, and it put strain on my relationship with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years.
Eventually I came to realise that something was wrong, I thought I'd just been hormonal (I was on the injection), but, as you can guess, it wasn't. I went to visit a local mental health service that was set up by the NHS, who referred me to another service, and after 2 assessments I was referred to a Psychiatrist. It was then, after a long, long discussion about my symptoms, my feelings, and my issues that I was diagnosed with PTSD. The possibility of Emotionally Unstable Disorder was thrown into the ring at that appointment, but it was never brought up again, so I'm sure I'm safe on that front.
I ended up trying 3 different types of medicine to deal with the Psychosis I was experiencing at the time, I eventually found one that worked great, and even helped me keep my moods under control, but I've found I can no longer afford my prescriptions, so I haven't been on those in a good few months. But oddly enough, I still feel OK, I hardly have the Psychosis, and when I do it doesn't scare me half as much.
A year down the line since my diagnosis, I suffer with flashbacks and dissociation, I still suffer with the Paranoia, this has gotten worse. I was able to recognise the flashbacks immediately, I always picture the day when I was 6 that he took my virginity from me. I still remember how his sheets smelled, how his room smelled, and how I smelled afterwards, and I remember screaming, and nobody coming to help. He didn't even bother to cover my mouth. I think about it now, and I genuinely believe that he knew he could get away with what he was doing. He already had with my (now deceased) cousin. So why couldn't he with me?
The dissociation however, I didn't even recognise until I learned about it through a PTSD support site, and then mentioning it to my Care Coordinator, who agreed with me. I thought I had just been daydreaming, or that my attention span had gone on holiday, but when I was looking into it, everything it had said about it, I had been experiencing. I always find myself feeling detached from my own body, it happens all different times of the day, and it's like I'm here, but I'm not. It's really odd. It would wind my boyfriend up too sometimes, before I realised what it was, and how to ground myself when I realised it was happening, because he thought I was just ignoring him when he was talking. I always find I experience the disconnected feeling about an hour before a flashback hits, so lately I've been trying to control it, to try and control the flashbacks, and some days it does work. Other days it's worse than ever.
My Paranoia, I don't really have anything to say about, other than I'm so paranoid all the time about so many different things. Lately it's that there's someone going to (somehow) get into the house without making a sound, steal stuff, and rape me, yet I know that it's completely irrational, I shouldn't be scared of this, because I know that nobody in reality is going to get into the house silently, and even if they did, I'd more than likely wake up at some kind of sound. I'm struggling to cope with it, but when I see my Psychiatrist I'll definitely be bringing it up.
Now I just have to wait for Psychological help, which I am now on the waiting list for, I'm also undergoing Family Therapy at present, as when I was 6 I told my parents what was happening, and I wasn't listened to. So I still suffer with anger issues and outbursts because of that, but since the family therapy started, it's started to get better.
Anyway, I'm sorry that I made this incredibly long.. I guess I just wanted to get everything off my chest...
Thanks for reading guys.
Regards,
Bubbline
I'm a new member, just joined up about 10 minutes ago. I figured I should introduce myself.
I'm 19, recently diagnosed with PTSD (It's been a year), and I suppose I'm here for advice, friendship, and just to be able to talk to someone who has been through what I have, and suffers with what I do, and I take great comfort in the idea that I might be able to find that here.
Here's my story. I hope I don't run out of space...
I suffered 5 years of sexual abuse at the hands of my older brother, who is 6 years older than I am. I was 6 when the abuse started, 11 when it stopped (the day I stood up and said no). I've been through a lot of ups and downs in the last 7 years, throughout the court case, the counselling through the Child and Family team at my local hospital, with no real treatment other than that, which didn't help, as in the 2 and a half years I was in therapy, I spoke about it very, very briefly twice. I literally couldn't even face bringing it up.
After the counselling ended, of my own choice (I felt "Better". Or so I thought...), I got steadily worse. Mood swings, depression, suicidal thoughts, anger issues, anxiety, paranoia, lack of sleeping, inability to keep a sleeping pattern because of the lack of sleeping, and it put strain on my relationship with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years.
Eventually I came to realise that something was wrong, I thought I'd just been hormonal (I was on the injection), but, as you can guess, it wasn't. I went to visit a local mental health service that was set up by the NHS, who referred me to another service, and after 2 assessments I was referred to a Psychiatrist. It was then, after a long, long discussion about my symptoms, my feelings, and my issues that I was diagnosed with PTSD. The possibility of Emotionally Unstable Disorder was thrown into the ring at that appointment, but it was never brought up again, so I'm sure I'm safe on that front.
I ended up trying 3 different types of medicine to deal with the Psychosis I was experiencing at the time, I eventually found one that worked great, and even helped me keep my moods under control, but I've found I can no longer afford my prescriptions, so I haven't been on those in a good few months. But oddly enough, I still feel OK, I hardly have the Psychosis, and when I do it doesn't scare me half as much.
A year down the line since my diagnosis, I suffer with flashbacks and dissociation, I still suffer with the Paranoia, this has gotten worse. I was able to recognise the flashbacks immediately, I always picture the day when I was 6 that he took my virginity from me. I still remember how his sheets smelled, how his room smelled, and how I smelled afterwards, and I remember screaming, and nobody coming to help. He didn't even bother to cover my mouth. I think about it now, and I genuinely believe that he knew he could get away with what he was doing. He already had with my (now deceased) cousin. So why couldn't he with me?
The dissociation however, I didn't even recognise until I learned about it through a PTSD support site, and then mentioning it to my Care Coordinator, who agreed with me. I thought I had just been daydreaming, or that my attention span had gone on holiday, but when I was looking into it, everything it had said about it, I had been experiencing. I always find myself feeling detached from my own body, it happens all different times of the day, and it's like I'm here, but I'm not. It's really odd. It would wind my boyfriend up too sometimes, before I realised what it was, and how to ground myself when I realised it was happening, because he thought I was just ignoring him when he was talking. I always find I experience the disconnected feeling about an hour before a flashback hits, so lately I've been trying to control it, to try and control the flashbacks, and some days it does work. Other days it's worse than ever.
My Paranoia, I don't really have anything to say about, other than I'm so paranoid all the time about so many different things. Lately it's that there's someone going to (somehow) get into the house without making a sound, steal stuff, and rape me, yet I know that it's completely irrational, I shouldn't be scared of this, because I know that nobody in reality is going to get into the house silently, and even if they did, I'd more than likely wake up at some kind of sound. I'm struggling to cope with it, but when I see my Psychiatrist I'll definitely be bringing it up.
Now I just have to wait for Psychological help, which I am now on the waiting list for, I'm also undergoing Family Therapy at present, as when I was 6 I told my parents what was happening, and I wasn't listened to. So I still suffer with anger issues and outbursts because of that, but since the family therapy started, it's started to get better.
Anyway, I'm sorry that I made this incredibly long.. I guess I just wanted to get everything off my chest...
Thanks for reading guys.
Regards,
Bubbline
