Losing A Job I Love :(

[MissMacD]

I have been actively in the work force since I was 15 and have had a job every summer since I was about 8. Recently working has caused so much triggering and stress for me that I have had to take multiple medical leaves. I recently left a job at a call centre and found a job at a catering kitchen in a raw vegan restaurant. I am now almost 29 and am coming to terms with the fact that the only way I might be able to have some quality to my life is if I stop working but my worry is that I will have no money to cover my bills.

I had an amazing first week at my new job at the vegan place, then over the weekend had a really scary adverse reaction to Cipralex and had to take a medical leave which reflects really poorly on my behalf. The chef is ready to can my @$$ and I am torn because I have another chance but I don't know if I want it because I might need another medical leave sometime within my employment there and that doesn't pan out well in kitchens. I have cried my heart out the past few days and have even broke down on the phone to people I hardly know because the thought of losing something I love so much has cause so much turmoil. I worked so hard in my first week there and they all like me but I feel like I don't have it in me to explain why I was gone in the first place.

I am so worn down from having a bad reaction from Cipralex. One moment I am fine the next everything is hopeless and I have no idea when it is going to stop. I don't know who to trust anymore when it comes to trying to feel better, especially when I do ask for help after having a reaction their immediate reaction is to want to give me more medication when I just had a nasty reaction. I want off of this rollercoaster ride. I did not ask for this.

 

[piratelady]

Can you just explain to them that you have a medical issue that you are working through and see if they are willing to accommodate you? I hope you can find a way to keep the job you love and still get better.

 

[MissMacD]

If I am not there it puts a lot of strain on my coworkers, which I don't want. Kitchens are less understanding when it comes to medical issues, and I am still on trial period even though I worked my ass off. I kinda just need a break from working for a while. It's just a tough thing to digest cause I try so hard to be as normal as possible.

 

[quaintpapercut]

Can you go in and explain, apologize for the strain it puts on the workplace and let them know how much you love it there and hope to be able to go back when your feeling better?

 

[MissMacD]

I went over how I was treated and realized that the head chef really just treated me like crap. When I told him on a need to know basis that I have PTSD he pretty much wrote me off. He has been telling me different things that make me doubt he would ever have faith in me. He told me I was hired then after I needed a few days off he said that I was on a two week trial period. This is after I put in my notice at the other job and he confirmed that I had in fact secured a job there.

Kitchens can be a nasty environment as the staff are often over worked and underpaid and there are frequently underlying addictions as a result of the stress from the job. I am glad I decided to leave even though I enjoyed everyone at work except the person I could never do anything good enough for -- the head chef. I worked my ass off while I was there and if he can't appreciate that he doesn't deserve my sweat,blood and tears.

 

[BlueOrange]

I find commercial kitchens to be an extremely stressful place to work. I've done it once, and vastly prefer other environments; I doubt I'll do it again.

 

[MissMacD]

I am going to be out of action for a while, this one just really was the last straw. Unfortunately there were way too many triggers in that place and I have been paying for it for weeks now. Thankfully I still have a few weeks of medical benefits but it still really hurts.

My PTSD has become a more dominant thing in my life the past few years and was reasonably manageable without medication until recently. I've had the worst of what I would call mental headaches where it literally hurts to think or do anything that requires any amount of effort. Everything is brighter and painfully loud - a tap dripping is like a hammer on my skull.

It was a coop type of kitchen which is why I chose it in the first place, very community oriented. The boss however was too much for me and a lot of the stuff they did there reminded me too much of my childhood. It also made me realize how many @$$ holes I have worked for. Seriously? I deserve better.

I have had so many unhealthy relationships in my life, and that cooking job was far from healthy.

 

[Estacia]

My last job was 8 years ago. I was there for three years. I could not handle the stress and was having extreamly bad PTSD flashbacks. I was blessed thast my husband was financially supporting me which gave me the opportunity to apply for SSDI. If you do make such a choice as I did I will tell you the wait can be very long. I hope you have support from family. I am so sorry you have to endure this pain. I was once there and I know you feel like sh*t. Please be easy and gental on yourself. This is not your fault.

 

[MissMacD]

My social worker is helping me apply for social assistance, and my boyfriend thankfully is supportive. If I don't take care of myself now I will have nothing left.

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((((MissMacD))))))

 

[FloridaBailey]

MissMacD I can relate a lot to your story. I am going to be 29 in March and I just quite my job in a resturant . I also have been working since the age of 15, I have never worked in the kitchen but I have had tons of server/bartender jobs. I know the stress of those places can be so very overwhelming!

Another thing the reason why I just quit was because of the chef. He is a nasty man and loved to treat me like dog %#@! It was awful, and with my trauma it just became way to much for me to take. Its tough because people who are not suffering just do not understand what it is like. I always have said that you never know what people are going through, so be careful before you judge person.

My family and I have been through so much and I honestly feel like I have nobody who gets me. I do have a great guy in my life but I hate to feel like a burden to him so I hold a lot in. You were very much right about that kind of work environment and people having addictions. I picked up a few nasty habits of my own in that industry. Although I do not use substance drugs anymore after I lost two very important people because of that, I still drink like a fish to cope. good luck with your S.S I should apply because it seems like every place that I go to try and work it just does not work out because of my stress.

I was crying late last night because of it all. Im sorry to hear about your medication reacting like that, it sounds awful. I wish you all the best sweetie. BIG HUGS !