I've had to move on from my previous two therapists because they both moved away from my city. I found the one I'm with now after the last one moved out of state, and have been with her about a year. I've only just started to understand -- partly because of joining this forum -- that I haven't been opening up to her or really working through anything significant, because it's just sort of my default state to keep that wall up and deal with the hard stuff myself and pull people in for less difficult things -- professional advice, etc. It's been about a month, I'd say, since I decided to go in there and say "I've been holding a lot back," and finally start talking about it and working through it. I don't think I've ever actually let anyone in like that before.
Well, at my appointment last night, she told me she's leaving the practice I go to at the end of this month. I felt like I wanted to burst into tears, but I didn't feel like I should, so I held it in and talked about how we will transition me to someone else, continued talking about the things I've been talking about, etc. I noticed I couldn't sit still and my body kept sort of shaking like I was shivering. I don't know if she noticed. it IS really cold in my city right now and it's a bit of a hike to the office from public transit -- it's a huge city, everyone takes public transit everywhere -- but I didn't really think I felt cold. I'd been shopping and actually got really hot in the store in my heavy coat.
I don't know what to do. I'm so upset, this is seriously the first time I've EVER tried to just be honest with someone and it was such a huge step for me. She said some things that I later realized meant she's staying in the city and just joining a different practice, but she wasn't able to say where due to a standard agreement they all sign when they join the group. It's possible that I can find out where she is and continue seeing her. But like I said this is a huge city, with a million therapy practices all over, and it could very well be impractical to impossible for me to get to wherever it is that she'll be. I know I shouldn't "borrow trouble," and should get more information before I get upset about a hypothetical situation. I also know that their standard procedure for this is to start planning a transition to another therapist well in advance and even have a joint session or two with both of them -- they let you down easy, and it's possible that hey maybe I'll have an even better rapport with this new person. But uncertainty is so, so overwhelming.
Before I found my last few Ts I was dirt poor and seeing grad students through a major university program in my city, because it was extremely cheap. But, of course, they kept graduating and leaving, and there was never much continuity for me.
It feels like the story of my life. People drift in and out, but ultimately I end up alone, to deal with everything the same way I always have, by myself. I used to feel desperate and abandoned about it, and thankfully I'm past that. Now I'm just trying so hard to take down some of these walls and really learn to connect with people, and with myself, and allowing attachments to happen even though it's like another language to me -- and this happens. It's so upsetting.
Has this happened to you? What did you do?
Well, at my appointment last night, she told me she's leaving the practice I go to at the end of this month. I felt like I wanted to burst into tears, but I didn't feel like I should, so I held it in and talked about how we will transition me to someone else, continued talking about the things I've been talking about, etc. I noticed I couldn't sit still and my body kept sort of shaking like I was shivering. I don't know if she noticed. it IS really cold in my city right now and it's a bit of a hike to the office from public transit -- it's a huge city, everyone takes public transit everywhere -- but I didn't really think I felt cold. I'd been shopping and actually got really hot in the store in my heavy coat.
I don't know what to do. I'm so upset, this is seriously the first time I've EVER tried to just be honest with someone and it was such a huge step for me. She said some things that I later realized meant she's staying in the city and just joining a different practice, but she wasn't able to say where due to a standard agreement they all sign when they join the group. It's possible that I can find out where she is and continue seeing her. But like I said this is a huge city, with a million therapy practices all over, and it could very well be impractical to impossible for me to get to wherever it is that she'll be. I know I shouldn't "borrow trouble," and should get more information before I get upset about a hypothetical situation. I also know that their standard procedure for this is to start planning a transition to another therapist well in advance and even have a joint session or two with both of them -- they let you down easy, and it's possible that hey maybe I'll have an even better rapport with this new person. But uncertainty is so, so overwhelming.
Before I found my last few Ts I was dirt poor and seeing grad students through a major university program in my city, because it was extremely cheap. But, of course, they kept graduating and leaving, and there was never much continuity for me.
It feels like the story of my life. People drift in and out, but ultimately I end up alone, to deal with everything the same way I always have, by myself. I used to feel desperate and abandoned about it, and thankfully I'm past that. Now I'm just trying so hard to take down some of these walls and really learn to connect with people, and with myself, and allowing attachments to happen even though it's like another language to me -- and this happens. It's so upsetting.
Has this happened to you? What did you do?
