Losing My Religion

[iwannadeletethis]

I also quit believing in the whole religion I was brought up in and had zero connection to God. Just evapo...

Thanks so much for sharing!! @Chava
You know, after everything, I just try to make friends. But it's hard as an adult+PTSD. I don't fit in where I live with no option of moving. I am looking for a new career. I'm hoping it'll be something I can enjoy. I grew up dancing and some aquantenses I know found out and are wanting to take a dance class from me. Keep your fingers crossed for me that that sticks!! That could be very fulfilling.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't care about your soul and I'm not going to try to convert you. Maybe that doesn't make me a "true" christian, but whatever.....I was christened at 5 months and my denomination says that I'm good to go, LOL. I have people who come up to me and say they will pray for me. I don't subscribe to their version of evangelism, but does it hurt me to graciously say thank you? Nope. I accept their good will and good intentions for what they are. (And maybe it will help....Who am I to say it won't?)

(I think its interesting that you immediately jumped to me trying to save your soul, which does speak volumes about where you are coming from.)

I think many people have it messed up. Believing in things which don't matter in the long run. What matters is that you do good while you are on this planet. You can find that through God, you can find that through anything. But the bottom line is to do good. I believe God is love, but you can shorten that meaning to just being "LOVE".....spreading love in everything that you do.

The rules that religions say you must follow......many of them are indeed crap. I don't believe in any religion which is oppressive, be it physically, mentally.....whatever. I think it is abusive of religion to tell its followers what they can and cannot do in order to get to heaven. Yes, I go to church, but I don't believe in much of what they believe. I've seen waaay too much of the ins and outs of it all to blindly follow. I think we must all make up our own minds.....but, in the end, doing good, being good is what is important. If religion isn't your thing, then find power through something else.....find POSITIVE power! Half of my family is so negative toward religion and its just sad. They spend SO much time putting down religion, spouting how believers are stupid because they can't think for themselves.....Ok, fine, I don't care what they believe, but I do think its INCREDIBLY sad that they spend so much time on negative energy. They waste all that time being negative when they could spend that time being positive about something, anything else.....be it saving the dolpins, fighting pollution, feeding the hungry....whatever. I just hate to see people use so much of their lives being negative.....go forth and be positive about something else. I'm not saying this is you, rather I think that this negative energy can indeed drag people down. That is, take a live and let live sort of attitude. (Anyone can do this, no matter where they stand on spirituality.)

 

[iwannadeletethis]

I don't care about your soul and I'm not going to try to convert you. Maybe that doesn't make me a "tr...

I'm sorry to be defensive @itsKismet . It really isn't my intention. I've hit a couple of raw points on this forum today. I thank people when they pray for me.. I'll even read those tracks they hand out. I want to be gracious. But it's wharing at me when they keep at it, and they keep at it often. I'm all about living positively, I'm trying to do that right now. I've been getting a lot of people telling me that God forgives me and he'll take me back and blah blah blah. Even when I ask for help, this is what I get. When I was homeless, this Christian lady took me in because it was "the right thing to do" but after she saw my tattoos and found out I was homeless because I left my husband because he was gay, she kicked me out. To the streets. I was never like that and I don't understand it. And I would find "non religious people like me" and they were awful. Abusive, deceptive. I'm sure you can see why I'm so defensive. It's not because I'm angry, I'm in pain. And I'm avoiding all that.

 

[Chava]

I think the point about "religion" and "God" not being one in the same is important. Men created religions. And many men through history have used (abused) the name of God for selfish and evn violent means. That's all lousy stupid humans hiding behind "God" for their own sick justifications. We get very weird with the God stuff.

What we humans generally try to do is try to follow truly enlightened people (Buddha, Christ, etc) but get hung up on details and narrow human mindsets...and not actually practicing what the enlightened ones practiced. We squeeze God into the narrow field of our own minds. It becomes regular human divisive and judgmental activity very easily. That being said, I've met a few people who aspire toward their own genuine god-seeking path (within a religion or without) and they are quite inspiring. I think of it as connecting to spirit or something bigger than myself, sacred, whatever. I'm in a spiritual circus that isn't actually helping me right now. I'm considering existing Eastern frameworks that resonate with my own conceptions, mainly to get me into helpful and centering practices.

In my 12-step stuff I gave up on religion but can't say I gave up on "God"...just have had no way to define "it" but have also been very lazy on my own search. My inner light is darkness and chaos. That I've had different experiences of light and connection, separate from religion, reminds me it's possible, but I'm off track and lost (not accepting religious help either, though spiritual support is sort of a different matter). Okay, that was sort of in response to the @Skitzii and @itsKismet stuff here.

@Skitzii , I'm a musician and that's where I feel most "connected"...I've lost my major gig due to chronic injury so am trying to find ways to keep that connection. Has nothing to do with religion but it is where I feel whole and also connected to other parts of the world more fully. Art, dance, and music art great for that...and awesome if you can consider ways to use your dance! I was never a dancer, but like music I imagine it is very integrative.

 

[ground crew]

I was raised very christian. I'm not sure I ever bought it but I could recite the verses and tell the stories in Sunday school. My dad was a leader in the church I grew up in so on Sunday, we were a Norman Rockwell painting. Most of the rest of the week, there was a lot of yelling and random thumpings, but we would pray before meals. thru all that I had some idea god gave a good god damn about me, just he was a hands off kind of god.

I was in a crisis of faith when I was in the big trauma came and god became a logical fallacy. I did not become atheist, I became anti-theist. This sparked a lot of angry words with people who were offended with my view. A godless liberal is not really welcome in Indiana, in case that comes up for you.....

So, after the second divorce, I was looking for community and found the U.U. church. It was very healing to be among people not offended by my view, such an array of beliefs not covered in my religious upbringing. I have become a quiet atheist. I don't go off on religious folk unless they try to save me, or try to impress me with their grand religious displays.

I have found eastern philosophy to be helpful, I really like the mindfulness stuff and have found it useful in staying grounded during the last couple of years of some impressive challenges. I attended a Buddhist meditation group recently and the leader felt compelled to show the linage of her philosophy, siting books and masters and distinguishing herself from other lines of philosophy. Afterwords she asked me what i thought, I told her I avoided dogmatic constructs, at first she did not get it. So I taught the Buddhist monk something....

I do recall the way family and friends hated the idea of me not going to heaven and so put me on a lower social tier than they themselves occupied in there little world. I was tolerated, just barely. My mother still weeps at the thought of her failure to save my soul. She doesn't even remember hitting the kids but she does do her daily devotions to this day.

The loss of religion for me ranks right up there with my major traumas. I hope I never cause anyone to question their faith as the loss of faith or confirmation of doubts a small boy has in Sunday school can be a big life changing event. For me causing someone to lose their religion would be a sin, if I may borrow that word.

 

[Anarchy]

@skitsii
getting stuck with a monster then a closet gay, sucks

You are right to be jaded about religion

If there is a caring god, I, like you, fail to see how that sort of shite could make it happy.

The various biblical gods (there are several different ones in there, its not just the troublesome storm god yahweh) seem to be very much made in the image of man - and men who were very needy, very OCD, genocidal, middle eastern dictators at that.

I was influenced by old school quakers (not the bunch of tw@s who have taken over friends house, and have told a 90 something year old neighbour that she is no longer a quaker... like having her name on a list actually matters to her). the sort who when one of their number was chained naked behind a cart and whipped through town for failing to go to "church", all showed up at church next Sunday, naked. The sort who expected to be imprisoned, tortured, flogged and mutilated, and very likely burned for their beliefs.

Interestingly, a lot of the brighter ones weren't christian. a lot were deist (something created a universe that has rules which we can discover, and like a watchmaker, setting a watch running, the maker doesn't have to be around for it to make each tick), a position that is compatible with taoism.

 

[ground crew]

No discussion of religion could be complete without a recommendation for the "the Life of Bryan" movie by Monty python. That and "Dogma" illustrate the way people corrupt and distort enlightened philosophy with personal ambition.

 

[WillyKat]

I've never been religious, though I've faked it a few times so that I could fit in. I'm of the frame of mind that most religions mirror the society at large, which is why most people think of god as an old white guy. There are other religious forms that aren't like that.

In any case, I've never been and it was hard on me during college (a million years ago) when all my buddies from high school went "psycho Christian" (my term) overnight. No love thy neighbor, no washing of prostitute's feet, just join or go to Hell. A Bible in one hand and a threat in the other. I went my own way after getting tired of the pressure. It seems to me that if you need to pressure people into believing as you do, then your religion must have very little to offer, in which case, why believe in it?

That was a tough time for me. I lost a lot of friends, almost everyone I grew up with. But I wouldn't do anything differently; I'm not going to fake my beliefs just to belong. It's false.

I'm rambling. In my opinion, search your own soul for your spirituality. You may find yourself coming back full circle to where you started, but it would be on your own terms.

 

[ground crew]

One of my more significant adverse reactions was one Sunday morning, one of my service buddies lured me to church with the thought there might be women there. It was a reasonable assumption so I rode over on my very loude motorcycle. So the service followed that framiliar pattern church's all seem to follow when they got to the announcements. The young adult group was going to have a book and album burning that evening. I was offended. I had sat down front, so when I rose at that point and clomped out in my motorcycle boots down the center aisles it was noticed. Then the roaring exit from the parking lot was noticed. My buddy went to the ritual burning and found that I was a topic of both prayer and conversation. It seems to have worked, I lived. Thanks.

 

[SnowJo]

No discussion of religion could be complete without a recommendation for the "the Life of Bryan" mov...

GOD is DOG backwards, I mantra that to myself to try and hear what people are saying without just getting pissed off .

 

[SnowJo]

I was raised very christian. I'm not sure I ever bought it but I could recite the verses and tell th...

profound your experiences are so opposite yet we found common ground in the end.
I just can't deal with the dogma either. As a child my parents were definately athiests (my father was a mathematician and a computer scientist doing his PHD on Alan Turing's thinking machine, (living in Manchest btw)... but they were well how cna I say this "unwell" in sooooo many ways emotionally and well just nuts, can't tell you why or how. As a child seeking "goodness" outside of just my nanny, I found the local church where I did Ballet, Tap, Limber, Stage and gymnastics - plus sunday school. No one else in the family was interested, my mother tried to force my little brother to do tap but I used to find him hiding oon the ceiling spread out like a star to keep himself up... thinking no one would ever look up ... anyway the point being Sunday school I found very pleasant in the UK, there we were colouring in lovely pictures of this nice man who would save people and feed people and stuff..... not sure when I decided it was a pile of shit, possibly when at age 12, having moved to Glasgow now a prisoner of the man I thought was my saviour, I decided it was a pile of shite... Nothing I have seen since has convinced me otherwise.

The authoritarian patriarchal language used in the bible and other religions makes me nausious with rage and rebellion. I have found solace in changing the word GOD to DOG then rereading a lot of stuff and seeing well that works.

Try this one for size. - Dog grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference... works when you put DOG in there. Just pisses me off when you put GOD in there.

For me I have faith, I don't see FAITH as religion or anything to do with GOD or DOGS in fact.... I see faith as ok when I wake up in the morning -
1) I have faith that when I put my feet out of bed, they are most likely to reach the ground which enables me to walk on it, because I am lucky enough to have use of my legs.
2) If I drive down the street in my car, I have FAITH that they other car on the other side of the road coming towards me will not veer over and crash into me. Granted this may not be 100% all the time, but without the faith in the process, I would not be able to function.
3) If I have an attitude of gratitude, I feel better and my ability to frame my life in a positive way just works better
4) I believe in being good! Its a lot simpler than being bad and you get to have great relationships with your kids and grandkids feeling good about yourself being good. I realise "good" is different depending on who you are, but basically I don't want to be a selfish violent physcho or a serial killer.

I could go on....

I believe people are welcome to believe what they want, and if it causes them comfort and connection all the better for it, but don't try and "make me believe your stuff" because that ain't happening.

No amount of fairy dust will make be go back into the magical child thinking there is some dude up in the sky directing shit or good stuff or whatever... If its to be its up to me, I can be open to good stuff, just the same as any creature on earth... that's not religious for me.

 

[ground crew]

profound your experiences are so opposite yet we found common ground in the end.
I just can't deal with t...

LOL! I see we have many common ideas. In truth, my dog has done more for me than god. (sorry theists, you must hear the rest of the story...)

But the organized religions have a place. They offer community which is why I was hanging out with the UU's. I am now attending a group called Sunday Assembly, they are non-theist. I have found the groups identifying as atheist to be very fun groups to be around. They don't just sit around and talk smake about theists, they have community. The people who identify as atheist I have found to have more creative and energetic minds. The communities of faith i have encountered are, well, less nimble of mind. Curch is a comforting and familiar place people go for comfort and community. It works for many, the majority of people who go. Even if it is bad dogma (looking at you Scientology!) the community is usually good and reasonably healthy. There is a study showing the people who are active in church live longer and healthier lives. I argue it is the community support that makes this so, rather than god taking time out of his busy eternity to specifically bless Mable who played the organ for 75 years. But Mable was blessed by community all of those years and the rest of her life by community involvement.

Sunday assembly is the fastest growing "religion"on the planet right now. It was started by a comedian in england a couple of years ago. They are all over the world, I am enjoying help build this community of no faith.