Lost Feelings Of Happiness And Love

[quirkyquark]

I have had PTSD for around 5 years, but it got much worse this past summer when doctors found a (benign) tumor in my hip. My previous PTSD was caused by cancer and other traumatic events so this kind of brought it all back.
My mind is very good at disconnecting from people emotionally- whenever I'm in a relationship and my subconscious realizes it's gotten too bad I completely lose feelings for that person. My mind also seems to be good at depriving me of love and happiness when I want them. I have felt like this since early July.
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now but I can hardly feel anything for him. I can feel upset about the relationship going badly, and I can feel comforted by his company, and since I can't love my family either I figured he was the same. For a long time I thought he was the one for me but my disconnection from people and emotions is making me start to doubt our relationship.
Our relationship has had a LOT of rough patches. Both of us suffer from severe mental illnesses, which can be a blessing and a curse. He has depression, anxiety, ADHD, Asperger's, and PTSD which is a horrible combination. He has a very difficult time with empathy and cannot understand emotional situations unless they are explained logically. He is very cynical and has anxiety and always thinks of the worst scenario which makes me feel like I am walking on eggshells around him. He is also a sweetheart who will buy gelato and watch Colbert with me and make me feel better and is ready to support me at all times.
I've started to worry that I'm having a hard time loving him not because of the PTSD, but of the difficulties we have had in our relationship. I want to be with him but sometimes I worry that we aren't good for each other. I didn't feel this way back when my emotions were in check. My plan has always been to keep going and stay positive, and I'll keep trying to do that. Could you give any advice about how to get my love and happiness back? (for him and family) I'm on 300Mg wellbutrin, 50Mg Sertraline, and 50Mg Nalaxone for the depersonalization.

 

[Seagreen]

Hello,

I'm sorry to learn that you have had Cancer in the past and recently another scare as well! Glad to know that the tumour was benign. I hope that you are otherwise well.

I can relate to what you have said about your feelings towards your partner. I also feel disconnected from my partner. I struggle a lot with relationships, particularly intimate ones. I think part of it is about learning to trust and let go. But before you can do that you need to be sure that the person is worth doing that for. Its a big deal!

It sound like you are doing a lot of soul searching at the moment and I hope that you can find the answers you are looking for. I don't know how you feel about this idea but couples therapy can be a great way to learn new communication skills and build trust.

All the best

 

[Friday]

Is it just love / happiness that you've lost, or all / most of your emotions?

 

[quirkyquark]

For a little while I had absolutely no feelings at all, but the negative ones slowly worked their way in. But pretty much all the positive emotions are pretty rare for me. I've tried changing my doses of antidepressants but nothing really happens