Lost My Family To Ptsd...

[Lamar R.]

Hello all. My name is Lamar. I served 2 tours in Iraq and witnessed a lot if different things. Upon returning home, my wife noticed a lot of changes in me. I always triple checked the locks on all doors, kept the window blinds closed all the time, avoided guests coming over, very harsh and sturn with our kids, avoided large gatherings to include children functions at school, malls, restaurants and emotionally detached from everyone but more importantly my wife. I sat in denial thinking I could kick this alone, but I couldn't. 7 years later, after being married for 10 we split apart. Not only does it hurt badly that I just lost my best friend, a woman who saved my life and taught me how to be a better person, but now she's moved on with someone else and has even went as far as not letting me have any contact with her child I've raised since she could barely walk.... I cry, sit in depression, and feel so bad about how I've been towards our family that it's a challenge just to get my day going. Recently she was diagnosed with cancer and i can't be there for her now when she's been there for me before. My god the pain i feel hurts so much! All I can say is don't be the guy who sits in denial, make an appointment to be seen. I would never wish someone to go through what I'm going through. Losing your spouse, children, and dealing with ptsd is tough. I'm just now going through the divorce and that's just one more level of stress and depression added on top of my ptsd struggle. Make the right choices, listen to those close to you, don't be afraid to ask for help!

You know, when I was in the military everyone sent me best wishes and gifts. Now that I have ptsd they treat me like a criminal, or some animal, or some stalker. I feel so alone and it hurts my soul to no ending.

 

[seedling]

I'm sorry Lamar for all your loss.

What you witnessed was overwhelming. I'm sorry it had such an impact on your whole family. The effects of PTSD
has a long reach.

Are you able to be in treatment now? With time and work in treatment your life can improve. Hang in there.

You will find that no one here treats you like a criminal.

 

[Lamar R.]

Thanks, it really means a lot. I'm currently getting the help I need and I'm starting to learn how to deal with it now that I understand my signs, symptoms, and triggers.

 

[christy_than]

I am sorry for what you have been through. Have you tried to explain to your wife bout your PTSD and tried to make her understand and told her that you need her atm more than before?

Myself is in realitonship with a british soldier who just came home from Afghan, that suffers from PTSD
on one side I can understand how hard it must have been for your wife and on the other side I understand that its all out of your control
I dont know how should I say to make you feel better but.. Time will heal everything
hope you and your wife get well soon

*hugs*

 

[Lamar R.]

I've tried, but there is no hope. My father in law works for the police department and has convinced my wife to file a harassment case on me if I continue to try and have any contact with either my wife or daughter. One minute we were on good speaking terms, and immediately after I spoke with my father in law and apologized to him, man to man about my actions and explained to him about my ptsd, my wife stopped responding to me and I was told to stop contacting her. I have made piece with this all and I'm slowly going through the healing process. It really helps talking about this and listening to all the words of encouragement. I truly appreciate the time and help you have all offered. Thank you.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I may not say this well, but many of the people that I taught in college had combat PTSD. These fine souls gave part of who they were to serve our country. I respect you above measure and I/we owe you a debt that can not be repaid.
Many of those fine families did elect to stick it out together. Some of those men/women who served were in such trauma that they were diagnosis as totally disabled from their flashbacks. Did their family high tail?...h3ll no!

(This is tuff love here friend coming up.):poop:

So with all due respect Lamar, you appear to be the healthier one. No matter how bad it got inside your head...you held onto your vows and love. Loyalty. You didn't quit on her...she quit...it takes two to make it work. And marriage is not always about good times and staying exactly the same in some picture of perfect.
For example:
I know a woman who stood by her man when he was shot on duty and became paralyzed from the waste down. Talk about freaking change, right? Wheelchair or anything else...that is what vows are.

You have integrity, honor and deep commitment.
You are worthy of being loved in health and sickness...

Stay strong...do not quit now- on you.

 

[Lamar R.]

I'm not going to quit! I'm going to continue getting the help I need to better myself. Thanks for your kind words, it's exactly what i needed to hear tonight. Believe me, I struggle hard day by day but im managing.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I believe you Sir. I do believe in you. God Bless and keep truckin' strong!

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

Lamar, first off, thank you for my freedom.

I am in absolute HORROR after reading your post. How could your family do this after all you've been through? This horrible world baffles me and I am in tears reading your post.

You know you have love in us behind you. You have a family here.

 

[Lamar R.]

Thanks so much and I'm doing and feeling so much better now. It was and still is hard at times, but I'm pushing through it with the help and support from friends and family.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

Lamar, you have family here too. Always depend on us to help you and to be there for you. You risked your life for my freedoms and you are my hero.