Lost The Love I So Wanted

[Ghostybear73]

@RussH I teach medicine at a local university. I also handle the interns so that puts me in "on call" status as well as my normal "full time". Kind of an oxymoron if you ask me.

Believe me, I fight everyday. I just know it's a losing battle. Everyone dies, so there should be no worries. Who would take care of my daughter if I died in a car accident tomorrow? I have all my stuff worked out with my lawyer as far as my Will and my Advanced Directives, that way when I lose the fight, everything is in order.

I really liked this guy..........

 

[nursenurse]

If you teach medicine, then you know what your death will do to your child. There will never be anything in this life that would ever make it better for her, so please, please, please, keep seeking help and fighting. It's one thing because of an accident, but for someone to purposefully take their own life and to leave a child in their wake is plain wrong. She will always need you. And trust me, I have not met one person whose parent has committed suicide who is not carrying the emotional baggage throughout their lives. No one. Keep talking, keep fighting, keep loving, keep looking for support. It sounds trite, but you need to do it.

Good luck, praying if you will accept, it's all I have from here.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Hey, I'm just glad my therapist recommended me finding an online support group. Believe me, this forum has helped with that fight. Every little bit helps, I know that. Whether I win or lose doesn't matter, its the fight I put into it. I am fighting and trying and getting every bit of help I can. The anger management class I'm taking that Anthony mentioned might help seems to be working as well. I am using every tool I can, but they are just that....tools.

 

[nursenurse]

Well keep using them, I am glad that you are here. We are here to support, even if the words sound harsh sometimes.

And stay in the other bedroom :D

 

[The Albatross]

The thing about tools is that it is the consistent application of them that makes habit (26-28 days) and then new behavior (6 months). The drill in recovery was fake it til you make it. I thought they were so full of shit, but really it was pretty astute.

You did the right thing providing for your child... and by addressing it directly. Let's work on that suicidal tendency thing since your partner has thrown you a red flag.

 

[The Albatross]

Necessity is the mother of invention, and relationship woes are just a... well you know. It sucks though to see your partner as he really is versus the image of what you thought he was. Disappointment sucks and is kinda painful sometimes... okay, most of the time. But you got a big glimpse of this man and what he is about.

Set boundaries, and it is up to him to meet or exceed expectations.... NOT the other way around. :hug: You're worth it, your child is worth it... he is optional and it is disappointing that this crack has appeared, but better now than later.

 

[nursenurse]

I love it - he is optional, lol, I am going to apply that to the last two shreds of feelings I *might* have towards the Dude since my break up (I think I may not have any), but it is so true, isn't it? He is optional, my life is not. Yup. Good one :D

 

[Deleted member 1860]

This guy is a total douche. Seriously. Now that I know more of the story, yes, he's a gold digger. He gets to stay home and watch your daughter, who is now in school much of the day, and you go earn all the $$$$. He has the balls to be concerned about your debt?!?!? MOST PEOPLE IN AMERICA ARE IN DEBT! You have car debt and house debt, not "I went on a few too many shopping sprees" debt. There's a big difference!

Sorry to be blunt here but you aren't losing love. You're losing a freeloader. You definitely deserve SO much better!

I really hope you can heal, not only for your sake, but for your daughter and son.

You know, someone once told me that love means different things to different people. Hearing this really helped me because I often feel deficient in the love department. PTSD is partially to blame, but so is the common notion of stars-in-the-eyes romantic love (barf!). I don't feel love that way. Sometimes I don't feel love at all but I remind myself that love is an action. I show those around me that I love them through my actions even if I'm completely numb inside at times.

I know it hurts. But, I think it's good that you find out now rather than when you're up there in heaven looking down (again, god forbid...) and thinking "WTF?!?!....my daughter isn't being taken care of because my boyfriend didn't give her a dime!" (I wouldn't put it past him...

 

[nursenurse]

Solara, you are a woman after my own heart!!!!:hug:

 

[Ghostybear73]

Thank you all for your support, I'm glad I found a strong support group. I finished up the last of the phases of my life and now I'm done writing. It's time for me to work on the present and stop writing about the past. It appears as though I have some work cut out for me. I'm exhausted, time for bed :sleep:

 

[bell]

He says, “well, your life insurance should cover that”.

I know it's easier said than done, but if anyone was to *ever* mention my life insurance money to me I would be out the door. It's just *not* funny. And *not* okay. Maybe I just have a hair trigger to these things, but anything even slightly resembling a threat is a no go. And mentioning benefits that would result from my death is in threat territory, which should not occur in a loving relationship. Ever. (And just reading that someone mentioned it to you gave me chills, so you're right to be suspicious.)

I know it has a lot to do with the therapy and the "you get worse before you get better while processing trauma", but when I struggled to survive

I'm glad to know that you know this! Because *yes* it gets so much "worse before you get better!" Ugh! But... once you get through it, things do get better. And as others have said, you deserve to be here (and not just because you've fought so hard) for you and your kids. You *deserve* happiness, too, @Ghostybear73, which it sounds like this guy isn't giving you.

 

[Barconian]

Chicken shit