fuzzypenguin
Bronze Member
My thoughts have been all over the place; I'll try to make this make sense.
My emotions have been all over the place. Last night, I almost caused harm to myself on purpose because I overreacted over something minor. It crossed my mind so many times last night. I tried coloring, journaling, and crying trying to calm down by nothing helped. The tears just kinda came out, and it felt good even though it didn't last long. I haven't cried in months. I'm so confused right now too. I move out in a little more than a week and I don't know how I am supposed to be feeling. The guy who assaulted me, his gf has been following me on tumblr for about a year & I had no idea. She just made it known to me about a week ago when she messaged me. I wasn't aware it was her until I looked back at her personal tag posts and saw some pictures of them together. My heart dropped.I was venting, rambling, posting personal things I didn't realize she (or he)would be reading about the rape. It's not a private blog (i.e. password required) so I know anybody can read it, I just thought it was safe. Why? Because of the restraining order I had against him. Going back, I realized she followed me two months after it was taken out, so maybe it was a coincidence but she still had to know. I asked friends what to do about it, and they all pretty much said the same thing. Because the restraining order expired months ago, it's too late to do anything. I am still going to find out for sure about it, but I don't know how well that would stand up. Going back to moving back to school, if she saw me on campus it could go multiple ways. She could either be nice or mean, or nice at first, try to gain my trust (ha, like that is going to happen) and then turn her back on me, but yeah. Who knows. She knows what I look like now so idk. It's a worry of mine but it's not as scary as running into him on campus. Ugh. I hope the no trespass order given to him by the school is still active...going to find out about that too.
Phew that was a lot. Lots of emotions rose up that I chocked back down. Sadly, only one thing helps...(self harm)...the most, compared to coloring or writing down my feelings and I'm trying to stay strong but it's so hard nowadays. I really just want to give up...
My emotions have been all over the place. Last night, I almost caused harm to myself on purpose because I overreacted over something minor. It crossed my mind so many times last night. I tried coloring, journaling, and crying trying to calm down by nothing helped. The tears just kinda came out, and it felt good even though it didn't last long. I haven't cried in months. I'm so confused right now too. I move out in a little more than a week and I don't know how I am supposed to be feeling. The guy who assaulted me, his gf has been following me on tumblr for about a year & I had no idea. She just made it known to me about a week ago when she messaged me. I wasn't aware it was her until I looked back at her personal tag posts and saw some pictures of them together. My heart dropped.I was venting, rambling, posting personal things I didn't realize she (or he)would be reading about the rape. It's not a private blog (i.e. password required) so I know anybody can read it, I just thought it was safe. Why? Because of the restraining order I had against him. Going back, I realized she followed me two months after it was taken out, so maybe it was a coincidence but she still had to know. I asked friends what to do about it, and they all pretty much said the same thing. Because the restraining order expired months ago, it's too late to do anything. I am still going to find out for sure about it, but I don't know how well that would stand up. Going back to moving back to school, if she saw me on campus it could go multiple ways. She could either be nice or mean, or nice at first, try to gain my trust (ha, like that is going to happen) and then turn her back on me, but yeah. Who knows. She knows what I look like now so idk. It's a worry of mine but it's not as scary as running into him on campus. Ugh. I hope the no trespass order given to him by the school is still active...going to find out about that too.
Phew that was a lot. Lots of emotions rose up that I chocked back down. Sadly, only one thing helps...(self harm)...the most, compared to coloring or writing down my feelings and I'm trying to stay strong but it's so hard nowadays. I really just want to give up...
