News Louis Theroux Coalinga State Hospital - Sexual Offenders.

[ms spock]

We have to remember most of this happens in the family. Stranger danger, on the whole is a myth. That is why women and men in my family have children - to grow their own. So they have easy access to grooming and so forth.

I think we need to get in there before people offend. To offer assistance before people get to that point. If we could do that for a generation, we could break the chains.

It is hard when people do it as something that they enjoy and are sadistic. But there are a lot of people who do it as a coping mechanism. Social isolation is bad for sexual offenders - they are more likely to act out then. So we need to get resources, counselling and support so there are NO victims. It would save so much pain, hurt and every thing that we live with.

We need to basically change the way we see sex offenders and make sure that they are looked after so that they don't offend. I know that this is counter intuitive but I have seen it work.

If families didn't feel sex offenders were the worst then those that are brave enough to disclose wouldn't suffer the pain of ostracisation.

It is important to educate people about women sex offenders because it seems to me they fly under the radar in families far too often.

There are many levels to be worked on.

I would like to see the intergenerational nature of child sexual abuse in families broken. It would be quite the achievement.

 

[Abstract]

Safenow,
I very much understand you feeling that you have to foot the bill of the results of your abuse and that those who hurt you are not doing so.

Safe hugs to you if you want them.
-----

Ms Spock,
I become so confused on this subject. It is almost as if I am two people. The one is just incensed and cannot understand how anyone can hurt a child (not talking about children innocently acting out their abuse here) and almost believes that many extreme means of stopping abuse are justified. Especially if it involves therapy.

The other understands that a percentage of abusers were abused (I think it is about 35% of abusers were abused as children and the link is stronger in men) and that there can be reenactment involved amongst other things. In that documentary I had great compassion for those that were struggling so hard to defeat their impulses. It is heart breaking really. And at the same time there was sadness that so many would not even consider having counselling and would not even admit to what they had done. Maybe if one got to these perpetrators young enough it would help more. IDK.

I also understand there are very different motivations behind abuse and that not all abusers are the same. I don't know much but believe there are three main categories and that the least aggressive types are often acting out of insecurities and lack of confidence. I imagine it is much easier and more successful to help those that are this way inclined rather than those who have no capacity for empathy and who are very motivated by violence.

What complicates it more for me is that most of my life I have not acknowledged having any of this in my life at all. It was behind some sort of shutter and once I looked behind that just the once (about 5 mins) so many things have changed for me it is hard to put into words. I can't go into that sadly.

I cannot remember the statistics but it seems almost all abuse happens from someone we know. Be that family, friends or partners.


It seems to me that when children (maybe under 18's here) are found to have abused someone or innocently acted out what has happened to them then more often than not it just seems to be ignored and swept under the carpet rather that people ostracising them or helping them. This is just from listening to others stories.

I have seen it work.

That is wonderful that you have seen it work. And give great credit to anyone facilitating that happening.

those that are brave enough to disclose

I have very great respect for those who disclose and who seek help. And compassion too.

It is important to educate people about women sex offenders because it seems to me they fly under the radar in families far too often.

And I am totally in agreement about women perpetrators. It seems everyone just wants to ignore they exist whereas I think they form a third of abusers if I remember correctly.

I can see how education in general could help a lot. It seems when it comes to anything to do with abuse people seem to just ignore and pretend it isn't there. So the more it is talked about the more people are likely to react in a helpful way.

It would be interesting to see documentaries educating people about warning signs in their children and how to deal with it.

You sound like you have much understanding and knowledge and it is therefore very interesting to hear your views. Excuse any errors I made here as I have only read a and observed a little.

I am very sorry that your family had a practise of growing their own generation to generation. It is a great aim to stop something like that happening.

 

[ms spock]

All ideas and perspectives are important to the discussion Abstract. I am always pleased when someone engages whether we agree or not.

 

[Sailorgal]

This is an interesting subject.

It's true that most perpetrators were victims themselves by family members and/or someone they knew. I think the hardest part is how the courts evaluate and decide who is rehabilitated.

These were victims themselves who obviously went down a dark path. But when drugs are involved, it complicates it as the chemicals destroy the brain and can produce a very hostile character.

I don't think it is fair merely releasing them into society with a mark on them for life as to where they live (it's public knowledge in the US when a sex offender lives in the area) as there are some remorseful ones.

Safenow, I was part of a church where the youth pastor was convicted of multiple counts of child molestation. Sad thing, he had prior allegations in another church. But it was overlooked by the senior pastor. Funny thing, that senior pastor brought his youth pastor with him when he moved to another state. Pastor nor the staff ever offered any support towards helping him change. Not even prayer.

Not to go off tangent, but that's why I am against so much media as sexuality is making our kids more promiscuous and blurring lines. Some don't realize they're being violated til it's too late.

 

[intothelight]

This was incredibly hard for me to watch and I couldn't make it through the whole thing. In my personal opinion there are people that are too sick to ever be allowed back into society and need to be confined for the rest of their natural lives.

My family took my ex to court in 2011 for the crimes he committed against his own children. The trial was an excruciating experience for them, but in the end the judge sentenced him to serve 100 years, as each sentence on each count was consecutive. To me a life sentence is appropriate as he will never be free to hurt us or anyone else again.

In the end, there was a lot of healing as to be validated by 12 strangers who believe you and a judge who threw the book at him. The emotional and psychological wreckage is what my children and I will be dealing with the rest of our lives. But with love, support, and counseling they have bright futures and will not have to serve a life sentence of misery.

I was abused by my mother and that is something that is rarely spoken about. I am just so happy that my girls didn't have to wait until they were 50 to get the necessary help.

In all honesty, I really do not care that my ex will spend the rest of his life in isolation as he cannot be put into the general population. There is never an evening of the scales in this type of situation. Just the relief of knowing they can't hurt anyone again.

 

[ms spock]

In my personal opinion there are people that are too sick to ever be allowed back into society and need to be confined for the rest of their natural lives.

Absolutely intothelight!

My family took my ex to court in 2011 for the crimes he committed against his own children. The trial was an excruciating experience for them, but in the end the judge sentenced him to serve 100 years, as each sentence on each count was consecutive. To me a life sentence is appropriate as he will never be free to hurt us or anyone else again.

It is great that you got justice and safety.

In the end, there was a lot of healing as to be validated by 12 strangers who believe you and a judge who threw the book at him.

It is good to read that you got appropriate justice.

In all honesty, I really do not care that my ex will spend the rest of his life in isolation as he cannot be put into the general population. There is never an evening of the scales in this type of situation. Just the relief of knowing they can't hurt anyone again.

It is a good outcome.