Love Of My Life Turned To Ice

[Flip flop]

I met my ex online. We wrote to each other every day for six weeks. When we met, it was magic. After t...

Very sorry to hear about the heartbreak that you have been through! However, very glad to hear that you are doing positive things for yourself like taking classes and doing a bit of traveling.

 

[Sighs]

:rolleyes: Yup. What a jerk. He totally should've figured out a way to break up with you without hurting your feelings at all. And because he didn't - and shock - is getting on with his life! - you are somehow justified in coming here and calling @Friday a jerk. When in fact, @Friday took the time and made an effort to explain to you - a total stranger - how your ex might be feeling and why he did what he did. Her honesty is much appreciated by many supporters here.

You appear to still be in the mindset of "I know he has PTSD / is in a wheelchair but if he really loved me he would just get over it / get up and walk." I'm not sure why you feel justified in coming into the sufferer's side of a PTSD forum and lashing out. There are places to vent in the supporters side of house.

 

[Justkels]

Thanks. I'm trying. I just deleted 4,000 texts from him. We used to talk that much. Bless you.

...[/QUOTE]
I am in the same boat as yourself. Nothing is helping. Texts, Marco Polo.and pictures. I've never loved anyone so much. He's shut down and told me the same thing. ...he can offer me friendship. But my question. ... can you be friends after we've crossed the lines? No.
I would like to know how you're handling your situation.

 

[mumstheword]

I don't think having PTSD is an excuse to not treat people humanely, but at the same time, none of us know the circumstances of the withdrawal Savannah. It does sound like a big whinge to people who suffer enormously. So I think what Friday is saying is have a little sensitivity. Break ups hurt but PTSD is a life long horror show and withdrawal is often a harm-minimization strategy. So if that's the worst you've copped, it's sad but not life threatening in the ways that he and we all here, who (may) struggle to walk down the street etc or to get through the day without a nervous breakdown, have suffered . It wasn't really the place for a "I've got it so bad" competition type dynamic, that's all. But yeah, breaking up is never easy and people who aren't very good at communicating aren't easy either. Sorry your hurting. I guess its lucky you never had children with him.

 

[Deleted member 39414]

Oh yeah. 9 months after being told not to kick people when they're down just because you're hurting, you...

@Friday. I never kicked anyone when they were down. All I said is people going through this should explain they are feeling crazy, say something. Not just leave without a word. I'm here to represent partners of people with PTSD -- the ones that get thrown under a bus and treated like crap by people with PTSD. And you have no feelings for supporters. I have been nothing but compassionate to my ex. Gave him money to ease his stress on moving out. Gave him dishes, etc. Sent him passages from The Body Tells the Story. I have had several conversations with an ex-Army guy in special forces who killed people with a knife and suffered terrible PTSD. He said he would have never walked out on someone like the way my ex did. Not after our vows and making a life together. You need to realize just because you have PTSD doesn't allow you to treat other people like crap.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

@Friday. I never kicked anyone when they were down. All I said is people going thro...

I’m so glad someone recognizes what we supporters go through. It’s hard to support and understand being treated like crap; and most of the time for no reason. My sufferer currently is allowing for us to be at what I call, the half way mark. It’s not quite a full on relationship; it’s a very loving friendship. I’m slowly losing interest because I’m at an age where a relationship is important with the right person. I’m 16 years his senior and I’m currently 52 y/o. I don’t believe our ages have anything to do with it, however, I know that he’s not at my level which isn’t a problem. PTSD is definitely a challenge when a supporter doesn’t know what to do for their partners. So, thank you @Friday for speaking up for the supporters.

 

[Deleted member 39414]

:rolleyes: Yup. What a jerk. He totally should've figured out a way to break up with you without hurtin...

First, civility is important. @Friday went off on me because I unknowingly posted in the wrong side of the forum. I didn't say anything terrible. My ex, who was living with me with his kids, up and moved out without saying anything. We had no relationship issues. Lots of love letters, etc. Right before this, we were planning a wedding. It was a complete shock and @Friday ripped me apart all because I said for people going through PTSD they should at least tell people they are super stressed and need to leave. That I get. Say something at least. Let a person know what is going on in their head. I'm here to support supporters -- the people who are blindsided by callous actions and are left an emotional puddle. After talking to an Army friend, I've come to believe that all people with PTSD do NOT treat people like this. @Friday and you feel it's OK to treat people rudely. I'm sticking up for people who say it's not OK.

...

I am in the same boat as yourself. Nothing is helping. Texts, Marco Polo.and pictures. I've never loved...[/QUOTE]
It's going on 10 months now and my last conversation with him was three weeks ago. He wrote me a long letter about how happy he is in art school. He said nothing about why he left. So I texted him and asked if he could explain what was going on with him or if he met someone else, wanted to face his demons alone. He wrote me a long text. He was mad because I pushed him to explain what happened. He finally said it. "I have PTSD" and he said he needed time to process. Then he said he hoped to find peace through art, his family and meeting someone else. I wrote back and said basically I wish you the best. He texted back, "you are an angel and you need to be treated like one." I'm no longer going to reach out. I have closure. Something I have needed all along. Just so you know, he and I were in touch every couple weeks. He took care of my cat for three months and sent me photos of the two together. When we met so I could get my cat back, he was wearing the bracelets I gave him. He seriously was the love of my life. It's not easy for me to move on. As he said, "Now I know what it feels when two souls meet."I loved what I had. My life was shattered. I try to keep busy not to focus on it. I'm now in counseling.

I don't think having PTSD is an excuse to not treat people humanely, but at the same time, none of...

Thank you. @Friday could use some sensitivity training. He went off on me assuming things that were not my intent. He needs to regulate how he speaks to people, especially on this forum, where people are suffering.

 

[Suzetig]

@Friday could use some sensitivity training. He went off on me assuming things that were not my intent. He needs to regulate how he speaks to people, especially on this forum, where people are suffering.

Seriously, you come into a forum for people who have PTSD, to sound off about your ex-partner (understandably but in the wrong section), dig up an old post of @fridays, use it to take a shot at him and he's the one who needs sensitivity training?

People are suffering on this forum, yes, both folk with PTSD and folk who try to support them. You've met one person who says they would never treat someone the way your ex treated you - there's a whole forum of people saying they've been treated that way by their sufferer. By all means believe your one source but you disregard @Friday's experience to your own loss. He's clearly explained what may have been going on with your ex, you may not like the explanation but don't shoot the messenger.

Maybe read around here and find a home in the supporters area rather than tell sufferers what they do or don't do as a result of PTSD.

 

[anthony]

@Friday went off on me because I unknowingly posted in the wrong side of the forum

Keep going, I ban you. The least tolerance is given to newer members who start drama. End of discussion.

 

[Deleted member 39414]

Seriously, you come into a forum for people who have PTSD, to sound off about your ex-partner (understa...

Stop being jerks. Seriously. The old post was incredibly rude. I want to prevent him and others to say such awful things to people. Just STOP.

 

[shimmerz]

please DO NOT do this to loved ones without explaining what is going through your head and why you feel compelled to flee.

If we knew how to do this, then we wouldn't have PTSD. This is the reason that we are stuck going to therapy for, most likely, the rest of our lives.

Some things that we have lived through, there are just no words for. For any supporter to demand. If this is something that you can't accept as a supporter, and this is what your sufferer does, then you need to not be a supporter. And it may well be that he figured that out before you did.

 

[joeylittle]

A reminder for both staff and members :

We have a Supporter section for a reason. The latter half of this thread shows why.

The thread was left here in the Sufferers section because the OP wanted to address sufferers. The OP also ended with a statement asking for responses.

Sufferers responded. And it’s not surprising that manyhad the impulse to address this statement:

For those with PTSD, please DO NOT do this to loved ones without explaining what is going through your head and why you feel compelled to flee.

Sufferers don’t always have the capability of recognizing or explaining their dysregulation.

The Supporters area is specifically moderated to prevent sufferers from jumping in and invalidating the Supporter experience. I don’t believe we need to do the same in this area here, because Supporter threads rarely belong here to begin with.

What matters is that Supporters and sufferers alike remember that we are co-existing in this forum, and sometimes we have wildly different perspectives. Check where you are before responding.

This thread has run its course and is being locked.