Lying & Cheating As Triggers

[Crystal Rose]

It's been a very hard day for me. A series of events have made me feel unsafe around my ex's roommate with unwanted advances and I feel like I'm always navigating stuff like this and all I want are good boundaries that protect me. I can barely muster enough energy to reach out to help or support from you guys.

I'm so glad I'm moving away from here in a matter of weeks. I wish I could teleport. I have really started doing some wonderful work and had breakthroughs with my therapist here so that's sad to lose.

It's been difficult for me to recognize and really identify triggers but I was lied to and cheated on by a physically abusive alcoholic ex-boyfriend. I was able to free myself from the chains of that and I am forever grateful. I've never rebuilt enough self-esteem but I thought that I had. Then when I started having flashbacks in my new relationship and was hit with extreme dissociation following exposing lying and cheating and a series of really unexpected life uprooting events re: NEW boyfriend I moved across the country for - I just feel like I'm so ill equipped to surround myself with people that deserve my trust.

I feel like I'm just now learning how to protect myself and not always give people the benefit of the doubt just because they say the right things. It's so brutal to feel like I have to withdrawal and I'm always fearful that I'm not being told the truth and for months I have been hypervigilant about truth.

I feel like I've descended into a truly dark time while I'm trying to pull myself up and have hope for the next steps for my future. I just don't see myself being able to trust anyone deeply ever. Maybe it's just a fear that won't always be there? I know I'm supposed to tell myself I can trust my judgement, etc but it's so hard to believe. A twelve step program has massively been helping. It'd be nice if my sleep wasn't so interrupted. Maybe I could think more clearly.

I guess I just want to know if anyone else views these as triggers or if they are stressors? I lose it and fly off the handle and feel like I only feel anger and sadness deeply. I'd like to keep forging ahead but I feel really alone in this right now.

 

[Kate-T]

It's been a very hard day for me. A series of events have made me feel unsafe around my ex's roomm...

Hi crystal

I'm sorry you are feeling all of this.
I too am suffering in this way and after years of so much abuse it's taken a massive toll on how I behave and how I become vunberale to the wrong sort of people in relationships.

It's like self medicating myself with relationships if that makes sence.

I'm currently really suffering as I can't seem to get angry thoughts out of my head when I get these feelings of mistrust or that my partner is not who she makes out to be.

I have become so un confident and lack self esteem and see myself not beastly good enough for my GF who has supported me and been so soft and gentle and loving towards me.

I am not use to this kind of love / treatment and my PTSD is such that I'm awaiting the monster to jump out of her and I panic and then all sorts of snow balling effects begin and sometimes an avalanche which is horrendous for anyone to be at the receiving end of :(

I do however realise that it's all in my head and that I should be able to trust in my relationship and enjoy it for what it is but I'm terrified and feel strongly that I should end it in order to protect myself from the dangers of what would happen if something went wrong.

I don't know if what I'm
Saying even addresses your words and feelings but I guess I'm trying to say that trust is also something I'm struggling with and its destroying me.

I
Couldn't bare to lose my partner and we both plan a long term future together but the past has left a mark and one that I'm desperately trying to re program which on going EMDR.

I hope your feeling better and that your coping with your feelings and thoughts.

This is a wave like thing as they come and go and I'm tired of it personally.

I hope your feeling more safe and secure crystal and that you find security in family or your parter or a friend and that gives you confidence and good self esteem :))

Kate :)