Mother in law believes I am lying about my trauma and ptsd diagnosis

[sadnightowl]

She has reccently started to really hate me, disgust me is more the right word.. She told my husbands sister that I am lying about my trauma and that I don't have ptsd, I don't know how to feel other than extremely uncomfortable and angry, I don't even wanna give her a christmas gift, she is not welcome in my home anymore, this was the last straw

My husband is an amazing man and I'm happy he thinks her behaviour is disgusting.. But idk what to do emotionally? I just feel so naseous all the time with a knot in my stomach, feeling like I am going to pass out any time, I feel ashamed, how do you deal with people like this?

 

[abovedown]

HI @sadnightowl welcome to forum! Sad to hear about your situation . Glad your spouse is on your side and realizing the effect his mother's actions on you. Would ot be possible that your husband to talk to his mother? Is there a way for you to limit contact to your mother-in-law for a while?

 

[Movingforward10]

I'm sorry she is treating you like that. I'm super glad your husband is supporting you though and sees it the way you do.

It's normal to have feelings in response to someone's (and especially a family member) denial of your reality. Would be odd if you didn't?

How to let it not have a hold over you? How to let it go and move on from it?
Put the issue into her.
She clearly, for whatever reason, isn't a safe person to know information about you so maybe limit what you say to her and ask if your husband doesn't mind doing the same.
Then, like you have already highlighted, boundaries.

How far do you want to take it?
If it was me, I would take it as a sign that there are limitations of that relationship and therefore I will give it a limit of my time and energy . I wouldn't always see her when husband did. I would keep it civil most likely but beyond that, it wouldn't be a relationship I would invest in.
My partner has recently said she doesn't want to see my mum again given my mum's treatment of me and others. I respect that decision. She doesn't need to. And neither do you if you don't want to.

This is a reflection of her. Rather than you.


Saying all that, is this something you think she will learn from? Is there a relationship to develop? Maybe she is ignorant and can learn and apologise? If she can, then it might be worth investing in it. But also, you don't have to

Not being believed could be a trigger for you? I know I find it very hard and it hits deep. So, maybe using strategies to help with how you manage triggers? Will help with releasing the emotions of it all.

 

[Abstract]

She has reccently started to really hate me, disgust me is more the right word.. She told my husbands sister that I am lying about my trauma and that I don't have ptsd, I don't know how to feel other than extremely uncomfortable and angry, I don't even wanna give her a christmas gift, she is not welcome in my home anymore, this was the last straw

My husband is an amazing man and I'm happy he thinks her behaviour is disgusting.. But idk what to do emotionally? I just feel so naseous all the time with a knot in my stomach, feeling like I am going to pass out any time, I feel ashamed, how do you deal with people like this?

So sorry. I have to say that I would not interact with her. I no longer feel obliged to interact with people that are unhealthy for me.

I realise that is hard on your husband but you still have a right to look after yourself.

 

[StarChild]

She told my husbands sister that I am lying

Hi there @sadnightowl, welcome to the forum Ugh...Sounds a bit like "MIL-from-hell".... I wonder, if you feel like answering some questions I've got, to get a better understanding of your situation?... - Are there other areas in your life, or in your marriage she doesn't approve of? Is/was she at all truly happy that her son married (you)? Is it your MIL's nature per se, to badmouth others?

he thinks her behaviour is disgusting

Did your Husband confront her point-blanc as to how her behaviour comes across, and what he thinks about it?

I feel ashamed,

Oh hon, I wholeheartedly assure you, there's no reason to be ashamed of having PTSD...As it is a normal reaction to (an) abnormal event(s).
- But I understand your hurt and inner turmoil and I'd like to tell you, that your feelings matter. And yes, it's so much easier said than done. When my divorce-lawyer told the judge in front of my then husband and other assessors "For God's sake look at her face, she's got C-PTSD, she IS mentally ill!", I was so horribly ashamed, that I've got instantly sick and almost vomited on the table in the courtroom!

how do you deal with people like this?

The way @Abstract described it:

I have to say that I would not interact with her.

I no longer feel obliged to interact with people that are unhealthy for me.

You know, there's no need to plead with people to understand your condition - Especially, when they're behaving like your MIL does. Her behaviour towards you is quite vicious IMHO! Time, experience and therapy will help you to navigate your way around unhealthy people and build stable friendships with people who accept you for you you are. And unfortunately yes, sometimes, not even close friends will get what you're trying to explain to them concerning PTSD. Man, I've lost so many long term friends over PTSD. Even though I've tried my best, sometimes even over the course of years, to explain it to them. One of the reasons being was / is my immense fear to leave my flat as soon as the twilight time set(s) in... etc.

- But this is not about me! Please know, that you're heard, and that you're at a PTSD-forum, where you're free to talk about your feelings, your fears, the sadness and anger that come with it, without having to be ashamed. And if you need it, vent away!

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Weemie]

That's a her-problem. It's not your responsibility. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Some people have knee jerk trauma responses to hearing aversive details about trauma.

I've had a lot of people get stunned and in the moment even the most well intentioned folks are like "well is he just psychotic?" (doesn't help that I'm schizospec lol). I've learned to be gracious toward those people, they lash out at me because they can't handle their distress.

It's obviously poor behavior, but everyone makes mistakes. However, if you do try to repair this rift and she doubles down on it and doesn't apologize and continues to say harmful gibberish? Put her in the mental dust bin, that's a person who isn't capable of psychological insight or self-reflection.

She will very likely never change and your interactions with her will only cause pain for your entire family. You don't need to sacrifice your wellbeing to improve someone else's personality, that's not your job, it's hers. Tell her to take the circus back on the road.