Lynzrae

[Lindsey]

Hello eveyone my name is Lindsey my husband is an OIF?OEF vet. We got married shortly after his tour and have been friends for 5 years and have a 1 year old son together. He was diagnosed with PTSD and TBI about a year ago but we have been struggling with the affects for four years now. I have always been here to listen support, and love him. I have finally run out of options and after a intense disagreement yesterday. I decided its time for me to seek some advise.​

I also struggle with PTSD although not combat related, I feel that I understand the affects it has on a person and their life. He is always telling me that I dont know what he is going through or that everyone always changes the subject when he talks about his experience. The only time I try to change the subject is when he has had a few to many drinks. Things have gotten out of contoll to many times before while he is intoxicated! Otherwise I am very supportive of him expessing his feelings. I do my best to understand and try to see where he is coming from but honestly I really cant comprehend the pain and guilt he has. I suggested to him that he talk with others that have gone through the same thing so that maybe they can offer him some hope.
Finally he took my advise and he recently graduated the PTSD program though the VA. I too atteded a few of the family meetings. I think it helped for a little while. Of coarse the VA sent him home with a pharmacy. I have nothing wong with him taking medication to help, I take meds myself. But ever since they put him on 16 different pills he has become a totally different person, and the side affects are extreme and dibilitaing. He has been hospitalized twice now because of the life theatning side affects, I am terified they will hurt him. He also has an addictive personality and is self medicating. Maybe I'm wong but I feel that all these meds are just a bandaide and the underlying problem will never be resolved until he addresses and accepts it. I am here for the long haul there is nothing that he can do to make me give up on him or stop loving him. I just want the him to get us to get through this. I am open to any advice as well as critisism.
I have aleady read alot of the foums on here and I am so excited that I finally have somewhere to turn for support and guidance.

Thanks everyone

 

[Jimmy1]

Lindsey, first, welcome to the forum..

There are quite a few people on here that can help. There is also a sister site www.ptsdforum.org
where you can get help for yourself and which also has a great support network.

Jimmy

 

[deborah l. boylan]

Lindsey,
Glad to see that you're asking for help. As a care giver, which is what you are, you need to take care of yourself too. Otherwise you will burn out and not be able to help anyone. I try to give my husband some time for him to do the things that he enjoys (golfing, baseball games, etc.) so that he gets a chance to recharge his own batteries.
As for all of the meds that your loved one is on, are they all prescribed by the same Dr? If not maybe they need to consult to make sure that your loved one is not being over medicated. Just a suggestion. Some meds don't work well together. Your right about his self medication. I've tried that too. You just want the pain (emotional or physical) to stop and you think the meds will help. You don't always think clearly. He may have more than one mental health problem going on here. If both of you are open to it, perhaps seeing a therapist both together and individually might help. You need the support too. The most important thing is to be honest with how you are feeling. On the days when things are bad tell him you understand but don't let him take out his "bad mood" on you. If he needs space then give it to him but you are not his whipping girl. He must accept that he is responsible for his behavior and in the end he has to be the one to work on his recovery. As someone who suffers from PTSD and major depressive disorder, I've learned the hard way about taking out your frustrations on the ones that love you. It can have disasterous effects and take lots of work to rebuild relationships.
Well, that's my fifty cents worth of advice. Hope it helps. Take care of yourself and hang in there.

Deb

 

[Redheaded Stranger]

Welcome Lindsey,

Both you and your Veteran might find help here. On this forum we have both Veterans and those who love them. We are very active and the support and wealth of knowledge here is really top notch. We vent and share and support each other through our tough times and our triumphs.

Please read a much on this forum as possible and if you think your Veteran might be up to meeting some other Veterans, please invite him to join as well.

So welcome and we look forward to working with you on this journey.

Red

 

[wife of]

welcome Linsey.this forum is an amazing place to hang out and get informed,the folks on here are great,very informative,very comforting and also very good at giving out a good old fashioned cyber slap up side of the head when required you couldn't of turned to a better place for support....Sue.