Mad At My T :(

[Smile]

I've been seeing my T for at least a year now and have been really happy with her. She's very different than any other T's I've had because she really tries to focus on the here and now... Helping me do every day things.

But over the past few weeks I've had this anger building up towards her and I have no idea why!?

This is really upsetting for me because I know that if it continues, I will stop seeing her.

The only thing I can think of is that I don't feel like she comforts me... Always trying to pull me back into the practical work.

Any advice? Going into session in a few minutes and plan on bringing it up but feel weird cuz I have nothing to back it up with?!?

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

I know maybe it feels awkward, but your therapist is there to help you. If you truly feel distressed or bothered emotionally by something your therapist does, I think it's really important to let them know! They're there to help you.

Explain that you feel angry, and that you feel like she tries to be fully practical rather than reassuring. Ask her maybe why she does it this way? It's important to at least address the elephant in the room asap, that way it doesn't settle and boil in you. She can't read your mind, so communication is important. You may feel weird about it, but I'm sure it'd feel better to say something rather than nothing at all :)

 

[Smile]

@RecedingMoonlight , I know ur right... Man, it's gonna be so hard. But I'll do it. Thanks for ur speedy reply :))

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

@RecedingMoonlight , I know ur right... Man, it's gonna be so hard. But I'll do it. Tha...

No problem! Hope your session goes well!

 

[Friday]

Every once in a blue moon I will have a raging pity party.

I don't want help right now. I want to feel sorry for myself. I'll get back to you when I can focus on solutions again. Until then, I'm sulking & pissed off, & wanna break shit.

Is something I've learned to say to my friends.

My friends are mostly guys, which means they're mostly solution oriented. If I bring them a problem? They don't say "Oh you poor thing,"... They start getting down to brass tacks. I love this about them. Men's minds are awesome. If I'm blunt as hell? Tell them exactly what's up? They can work with that. Hell. They can usually work with it if I catch them flat footed and bite their heads off (Who the hell pissed in your coffee?). But it's better if I warn them. Even then, unless I specifically tell them I want XYZ? (Which is why the above has in it more than an open ended problem). The conversation tends to go on the wary-solution.

Yo. I'm feeling sorry for myself here. // Do you want to feel better? // Does it involve blowing shit up? // ...(insert either affirmative or alternate suggestion) // Yes or No // Okay then.

Key to note? If I say I don't want solutions? Or turn down their offer? They take that as my being honest & go about their business. It is extremely rare that they'll essentially say "f*ck you, or f*ck that" and start prying. Don't say no when you mean "I want you to convince me." LOL Grumble that "I want you to convince me." or whatever it is you actually want. A hug. Breaking out the violins. Space. Whatever. Honesty will get you miles of what you ask for. So be careful what you ask for.

If the average solution-based guy can handle an honest pity party? I'm fairly certain a trained therapist can, too ;)

 

[Lucycat]

Ask her.

 

[Smile]

@FridayJones , not sure of your point. Are you saying I should just tell her I want to complain this session?

Heads up: I did not tell her I was angry with her. And our next session isn't for another 5 weeks! Other crap came up & maybe, just maybe, I chickened out. Oh well

 

[jacx]

Yes! Tell her. My therapist seems to actually like it when I say that I'm mad at him. He thinks that it helps build the therapeutic relationship, or some crap like that. It can be practice for constructively expressing my negative emotions with other people in my life.

 

[Friday]

@FridayJones , not sure of your point. Are you saying I should just tell her I want to...

All of it. As it comes up. Feeling story for myself/ angry at her/ angry at solutions/ just want to be comforted (and here's how, if you've got that) / just want to complain.

Don't edit. Unvarnished truth. All of it.

Doesn't mean you'll always get what you want... But getting what you want out there on the table? Not only does it give her something really solid to work with (aka exactly where you are, not where you want to be, but aren't this moment)? But it tends to keep things from bleeding over, week after week. Holding back? Just keeps shit held onto -literally- longer.

Or phrased another way... advice (that I hate sometimes, but is on the money) that I've been given?

Better out than in.

 

[Chava]

Can you make notes for next time? Does it work to send an e-mail with some thoughts or questions? Are you doing something along the lines of cognitive behavioral therapy? Most often the focus in CBT is on the present skills and issues, in a practical way. And that's often very helpful. But it sounds like you want to feel like you have more emotional support? Are you focused on everything in a daily-skill way or are you able to bring up hard stuff and have feelings about it? My therapist offers some comfort and I think that helps keep it feeling safe, while I suppose she is also validating my feelings and somewhat teaching me how to have compassion for myself and offer myself comfort.

I'm not sure if I'm making sense, but I had a CBT therapist (several actually, none trauma specialists) that I never felt comfortable with because the approach was not geared so much towards safely having my feelings as it was geared towards more tangible behavioral stuff. I felt like a robot enough. But at the time the issue was my eating disorder, so to a point the behavioral and overall CBT focus mattered, at least initially.

That all being said, it might be the therapy, it might be the therapist, and it might be your needs have shifted and you need to express that with your therapist or consider if some of the needs (like comfort) can come from somewhere else. Or...why do you need the comfort and is there anything you can personally do? Comfort is good. I don't actually relate to the term in a normal sense (I rarely feel comfort or comfortable, even when my therapist is comforting...I only take in small bits because part of me is always on edge). But when really struggling a few weeks ago I brought a soft blanket along just to hold. The softness felt soothing. My therapist allows this and encourages whatever helps me, so it didn't feel weird...and reminds me to work on comforting myself when struggling on my own at home. I don't do it very naturally...I numb out or just experience feelings of physical pain. So it's important to see it as something we need...and don't be ashamed because it's normal. But if you don't feel like you can talk to your therapist about it will your resentment towards her just grow?

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

Hey, don't worry about not telling her this session. Sometimes telling a person you're angry at them is sort of nervewracking. Do you have communication with your therapist by email at all? If you do, Whenever you get the chance, I'd recommend sending an email to them regarding your feelings of anger. I personally feel a lot more comfortable telling people about my feelings, especially if they're negative, through text format because I can edit and reword things, but that's my personal preference of course. Whatever would make you feel comfortable!

I'm sure that they'll understand why you may have been uncomfortable mentioning it at the last session, maybe they'll offer you from brief insight until the next time you see them :)

 

[Smile]

Yes! Tell her. My therapist seems to actually like it when I say that I'm mad at him. He thinks t...

Really?? FascinAting... Ok, that scares me a bit less... Thanks :)