Marilyn, the only thing negative thinking does is hinder you, and putting yourself down is a hinderance to your progress. Yes, its part of the low self esteem you have at present from your trauma, but to increase that you need to think before speaking, thinking even, and when you think negative, STOP... then think about a positive and replace the negative with it. The more you do it over the months, the more progressive it becomes and instinctive that your mind will just quickly pass a negative thought, then find a positive immediately without you really engaging the process, which is the idea. You would be retraining your brain so to speak.
Isn't it interesting what you found from yourself when provoked in the right means? Look at all the things you have just self analyzed from asking you a few very simple, very accurate questions in relation to your subconscious state. You found the answers yourself, you moved past the masks, past the bullshit, you are now into the truth of your situation.
I have to say, excellent progress Marilyn.... especially so soon. Well done. Don't beat yourself up getting ill from this, as it is part of the process for the first few months, but it gets much better then on and continues too for the rest of your life providing you work hard at yourself now. Nobody can give you the answers, only provoke your mind to allow you to engage them yourself, to find your own answers that are relevant to you. Yes, we will not support BS and tell you when your getting into sympathy mode, or self pity, as we all do it and need a kick in the arse when doing so, but the hard stuff you have to do, you just merely need the kick in the right direction then some support during. Well done on finding so much out about your true self... well, more to the point, moving past some denial you had and into the reality of the situation.
