Married to trigger

[Mede]

so I thought I was alone - my PTSD is caused by indirect trauma so I often feel that why has even effected me - same my husband has nothing to do with what happened so why are we affected - he comes in late either from the computer and also goes from no contact to groping and my hormones are just not getting me there. He came in late one night and the creaking door sent and my startle response sent my uterus into spasm - I actually felt like I was giving birth for 20 minutes - he gave me panadol and back rubs and it stopped but it really was the first time he realised how badly my body can react - we have physical blockades when my muscles cramp down and noone enjoys or can manage intercourse - but somehow he lives in hope that it will pass,. I wonder how much of it is about respect - I sleep early and wake early he sleeps late and wakes late - seems like we might have to rethink sex - not in relation to going to bed but more when we are both relaxed - the problem is I am not interested at all so me planning for sex at a different time is crazy because my plan would be no sex- and the only time I am really relaxed is just after 20 lengths of a pool - so how do you say you want some build me a pool.

 

[Tewehuc]

Thanks for sharing - I wonder if it will always have this influence and evoke this response or if I will become numb to it and not be affected. The stupidest things set me off and I should be able to handle myself by now. Sometimes I wonder how much longer he will still have desire and then he will just stop being that way

 

[Tewehuc]

I don't know where to post this this one but I had a hard session yesterday. I was talking with my T about some of my challenging triggers with my husband that are so little but then my response is wrong for the situation. Such as he has a beard and will drink beer and my step father had a beard and used to drink beer- the combination of the smell and the beard are hard for me and brings up fear in me. Ok I get it....

Then the conversation with my T shifted to what does my DH do to show appreciation and how does he please me, and looking back it shouldn't have been hard but it was so hard. I couldn't really answer her except with a few small things which my T said wasn't enough for me. Somewhere I think she may have a point but I am stuck. She used the analogy of a plant and it needed to be watered and that I was not getting the water and was dying... apparently it is a 2 step process
Figure out what you need and express/ communicate it. This should not be hard but the thought of figuring this out is almost crippling. How does one figure out what they need/want?

 

[Efum]

How does one figure out what they need/want?

sometimes I think that hormonally and epigenetically we are now not in the same space as our heads - which is PTSD in a nutshell your thinking brain and your body are not on the same track- so my hormones tell me I don't want sex - my head tells me that I should want sex and it is part of our relationship or was and it was a part I enjoyed and would like to enjoy again - sometimes I think T's are barking up the wrong tree and I would love a neuroendicrinologist to have an opinion on my sex life with a few tests or so and see if a tweak might make me interested