May Is Just Not A Good Month For My Friends...

[Orglethorp]

I don't like May. For the past 4 years, it's been the time of year that all of my BC-based friends get really down, because May 17th is the anniversary of a friend's suicide. JP (I'm not listing names), a recovered heroine addict who had been studying with us at Kwantlen, ended his own life with no warning while visiting family in the states 4 years ago.

Today I was told that another friend of mine, someone I've known for 12 years now and had many common good friends and interest with in high school, hung himself this past weekend. He was on vacation in Montreal with his girlfriend, having just graduated from Simon Fraser University (SFU), and was about to return to SFU for graduate studies with a scholarship. The friend who told me about all this added that he was talking with his twin brother on the phone on Friday about how he was excited to get back to BC and start this new adventure.

There's nothing on his facebook profile (nor those of his brother or girlfriend) to indicate that anything was amiss in his life. The last time I saw him in person he was quiet and a little closed off, but no more than usual. He's always been the quieter twin.

I'm shocked, sad, and very confused. We (my BC-based friends and I) are just moving past our annual week of remembering JP, and now this friend is gone too...

(Sorry if this isn't the right board for this - feel free to move it.)

 

[Jen93]

Hi there. My trauma is very closely linked to this stuff, so I think I'm going to offer you advice; based on what I didn't do that you guys should probably do.

What you guys need to do is talk about it. Don't dwell on it, but talk about your feelings and acknowledge them. When you're told not to discuss it, it makes it seem shameful to feel however the way you're feeling. Be there for each other and be prepared to accept that sometimes- there are no answers to the difficult questions.

Often there is no warning sign. Please don't place blame on anyone or yourself. Often people won't say anything because they don't want to worry others. It's very important to be there for each other, be willing to talk if it would help; and know that you are not alone. There is support of you need it. You could go to a psychiatrist, or a grief counsellor. Don't isolate yourself- there is strength in being in a community of people to know that you're not alone.

Your feelings are valid. Never let anybody tell you otherwise.

 

[Orglethorp]

Thanks for your reply. What I'm worried about most right now is how his twin (let's call him A) and another of our close friends (let's call him M) will deal with all of this. A is known for rash decisions, and M has been severely depressed since JP's suicide four years ago, and it was M's birthday this weekend. The worst part there is that M moved away last summer, and unless he decides to come home for the funeral, there are very few of us (and unfortunately I'm not one of them) who would be able to go to him and see how he's doing.

Please don't place blame on anyone or yourself.

Oddly enough, I never do. It's a normal part of the grieving process for most people, I know, but for everyone I've lost to suicide (more than just the two I've mentioned), I've never experienced that. Perhaps it's because I feel like it could have been me, at some point in my past, and I feel like I understand what they must have been feeling.