Me And C_ptsd

[LiveInFear]

Let's see a run down of about me.

At 12 yrs of age found out I was adopted, rebelled kicked out of house lived in foster care with a military man. Was raped and got pregnant at 16yrs of age and ran away, put child up for adoption and found out the guy that raped me I worked with for 2 1/2 yrs and my bf is friends with him.

I had 2 four wheeler accidents. I lived through 7 yrs of abuse with my husband and survived it and left him in 2001 and went through the psychological and emotional abuse up till last year. Then October 30, 2009 I was robbed and beaten down at work and left paralized in my right thumb and wrist and awaiting surgery on it.

2 years later buddy still has not been caught I lived in fear and still to this day. I finally picked up enough courage went into physician told him I couldn't eat, sleep or do anything but be depressed he diagnosed me with c-ptsd and put me on medication, but I still feel lost lonely and scared.

Do not now who I truly am anymore.

<Edited by Amethist, for paragraph breaks and punctuation>

 

[intothelight]

Hi LiveinFear,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. To receive the diagnosis can be a relief as there is a name to what is wrong, but also scary as it takes a while to understand what it means. That is the great part about this site, as the information here helps with understanding and the support of the other members helps with healing. Just knowing you are not alone with the struggle is huge.

If you are not already, and it is possible, therapy can be invaluable. It is possible to eliminate/reduce symptoms, and find peace in life and with yourself. It takes time and work.

Take care.
Debbie

 

[Srain]

Welcome to forum LiveinFear,

You have survive so much to get here and you are far from alone now. There is much support here and information if you care to read on, some times it helps to get a better understanding of the symptoms that seem to be such a part of us, yet tear our lives into tiny pieces along the way. I'm glad you found someone that sounds as though they can help you to begin the healing.Take good care.

Peace,
Raion

 

[LiveInFear]

I realize I am far from alone.But at the same time it feels like i am constantly alone as nobody truely comprehends in my family what its like living with this or going through all these ordeals.Just for them to realize its not an easy process would be some help.Today I woke up and felt like a brick fell on me i do not know why i just wanna curl up and go back to bed.Yesterday I had a really great day with family and friends but today its the opposite.I am sitting at my step daughters house as we speak as the bf didnt want me to be alone when i was all upset.

 

[LiveInFear]

I am at a loss for words.I do not know what to do anymore.It feels like nothing i can do is good enough or what i say gets passed off by the family friends and the bf.I feel like everyone doesnt understand what i am truely going through.I have given them the website to read up on it but its just not enough there stating im doing this all for attention.Today i feel like i am at my last ends wit and just want to run away and never come back.I feel i finally hit rock bottom and there is no way to come back out of it

 

[IvyMillie]

I'm sorry you feel so alone. It is often the case to be truly understood--as the deepest part of our being is a rare thing. I think if we have been through unique things that shape us so deeply it really is hard to find another person to truly truly understand every part of us.

It seems like you have had so much happen to you, that it might be impossible to ever find someone to totally get what you are feeling. However, hopefully you will find people that will understand you--or the different parts of you and that will really help.

I have different friends that get different parts of me, but I've never found anyone to get the whole picture. I think that in some of our cases it would be very hard. It's not just what you went through, but also your personality and reaction to the events at the time. Two people could experience the same identical things but have different responses from it.

I hope with the help of this forum and other friendships you form you can begin to feel a little more seen and understood. It may just take some time.

I think with family and friends we want them to get it--but they just don't. Sometimes the more we try the more frustrating it becomes. I find having too many expectations leads to disappointment. You may just have to accept that they love you, but might not totally entirely understand you.

As humans we are pretty complicated and that can be a beautiful thing really. You can think of how much you have learned from your experiences and that will give you a greater range of understanding of what other people may have gone through. You will be able to connect with more people because of all you have gone through, it will just take time to find the right people.

You have done great to survive all that you have, so I hope that you are proud of yourself for that.

 

[LiveInFear]

Thank you so much for the Encouragement IvyMillie.I really appreciate it.I do think they grasp what i went through but at times i think there going through denial that it actually happened to someone so close to them.Who knows when i do try to discuss it with them they state i dont wanna talk about it or let the past be the past.

 

[IvyMillie]

Yes, you have been through way too much. I'm sure it brings them alot of pain to think about that. I hope you can find support and the chance to talk it out. Sometimes it probably helps you alot to be able to talk about it.

It's something that everyone has to take their own amount of time and ways to process the pain that they went through. It's probably healthy for you to talk about it, but maybe for them it's painful to hear about. They are needing what you need in this situation.

I hope you can continue to find support and people that will understand, if only partially, all that you have been through. It's really good that you are doing what you need to in order to get a little more healing.

Take care of yourself.

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum LiveInFear, may you find peace and comfort here with us.