Relationship Meat In The Sandwich...

[scout86]

I don't want to tell him that she won't visit me because of him - how would that make him feel?

I can understand how you'd feel that way.

And, I don't have an opinion on the best thing to do, because I don't know him at all and don't know you well enough.

Think about this, though. How you would feel if the situation was reversed and he was the one trying to juggle this and protect you at the same time? If I was in his position, I would feel bad that you didn't think I was able to participate in solving the problem. I would probably appreciate that you were trying to look out for me, but I'd feel bad that I couldn't be there for you and you were left to try to balance things all by yourself. I'd end up feeling like a failure and like your deserved better. Like I was just part of the problem and that you'd be better off without me. I have no idea how you, or he, would feel, but that's how I would feel. I'm not sure, at all, how your daughter would feel. I don't know nearly enough about her and her challenges to have a clue. Any chance some, or both, of the rest of the people involved in this would be up for an open discussion of what is, realistically, workable?