Since 1996 I have had increasingly amounts of PTSD. First I was in 3 on duty police shooting with 3 bad guys dead. While most cops were giving acalades and the department was giving awards I was feeling guilty and depressed. There is no way unless you have been through the signs and symptoms of PTSD you will never understand what it feels like.
There is a sense of hopelessness, purpose, you want to work all the time to get rid of the feelings. When ever you decide to get help most of the time doctors misdiagnose you as Bi-Polar. While they are similar they are treated differently. During the 3.5 years I have been diagnosed with PTSD I have been in 2 psych hospitals and 23 separate psych and sleeping drugs. My head will not stop spinning with all the thoughts about what had happened to me so they put me on Risperdol which is making me cut myself. I'm using 20 mg Ambien for sleep, 4mg Clonazapan for sleep and several others to help with the panic attacks, anxiety attacks, which I still have. Working as an officer was bad enough, I got injured, medically retired, went to Iraq for a stint. Went to hospital there, came backed guarded and then another psych ward at home. It took me a long time to find a doctor who is very good and a good psychologist but it is not working. As a matter of fact it gets worse. I have no energy, no sex drive, nothing interest me and makes it hard to live. I have tried to kill myself at least 5 times and have been cutting my arms and face for three weeks. I pray to the good Lord to help me through this because he is my lord and saviour but I'm afraid my soul will be lost with everything else I have lost.
There is a sense of hopelessness, purpose, you want to work all the time to get rid of the feelings. When ever you decide to get help most of the time doctors misdiagnose you as Bi-Polar. While they are similar they are treated differently. During the 3.5 years I have been diagnosed with PTSD I have been in 2 psych hospitals and 23 separate psych and sleeping drugs. My head will not stop spinning with all the thoughts about what had happened to me so they put me on Risperdol which is making me cut myself. I'm using 20 mg Ambien for sleep, 4mg Clonazapan for sleep and several others to help with the panic attacks, anxiety attacks, which I still have. Working as an officer was bad enough, I got injured, medically retired, went to Iraq for a stint. Went to hospital there, came backed guarded and then another psych ward at home. It took me a long time to find a doctor who is very good and a good psychologist but it is not working. As a matter of fact it gets worse. I have no energy, no sex drive, nothing interest me and makes it hard to live. I have tried to kill myself at least 5 times and have been cutting my arms and face for three weeks. I pray to the good Lord to help me through this because he is my lord and saviour but I'm afraid my soul will be lost with everything else I have lost.
