Memories Are Destroying Me.

[NZgrunt]

I am a 28 yr New Zealander that served in East Timor 10 years ago. Over the last few years I have been having difficulty coping with things I witnessed and things I had to do in order to live to be where I am now. I'm feeling like I am going crazy, I've started to get help yet I'm not to sure if I am ready to talk to a complete stranger about my experiences. I'm raked with guilt and for no reason feel nervous. It's getting to much for me and I don't know what to do.

 

[Zipperhead]

I didn't think I could spill the beans either. And I still have my boundaries where I don't want to go yet. But I have been amazed how easy it was to open up when I started therapy, and I know we will eventually get all the shit out. You just need to trust your Therapist, and want the nightmare to end.

Welcome

 

[richard duff]

I am a 28 yr New Zealander that served in East Timor 10 years ago. Over the last few years I have been having difficulty coping with things I witnessed and things I had to do in order to live to be where I am now. I'm feeling like I am going crazy, I've started to get help yet I'm not to sure if I am ready to talk to a complete stranger about my experiences. I'm raked with guilt and for no reason feel nervous. It's getting to much for me and I don't know what to do.

YEA I HAD TO DO SOME CROOKED STUFF IN BAGHDAD GUILT SUCKS IM ALWAYS WAITING ON THE CIA TO COME GET ME ALLS FARE IN WAR THE ARMY COL MADE ME SAY f*ckIT A DOZEN TIMES THAT WAS HIS FIX

 

[richard duff]

I didn't think I could spill the beans either. And I still have my boundaries where I don't want to go yet. But I have been amazed how easy it was to open up when I started therapy, and I know we will eventually get all the shit out. You just need to trust your Therapist, and want the nightmare to end.

Welcome

IN 7 YRS I STILL WONT TALK ABOUT TO MUCH ID BE LOCKED UP FOR SHURE REHAB WITH CHAINS N RUBBER ROOM I DID GO NEANDERTHAUL IN BAGHDAD

 

[richard duff]

THE PLAIN FACT IS WE DID WHAT WE HAD TO LEGAL IMMORAL N WHAT EVER ELSE WE GOT INTO MY PROBLEM WAS AS LONG AS THE PLT WAS IN IT I WAS GOING DOWN WITH THE REST I DID 30 DAYS IN LOCK DOWN BUT I STILL DONT FEEL ANYBETTER

 

[Zipperhead]

Your therapist isn't there to judge you. They are there to help you deal with the "beast" and get you back on track. If you don't spill the beans, they can't help you. Plain as that. No one will judge you for defending yourself, or your comrades. If the rag heads wanted to live, they would not have attacked a Main Battle Tank.

 

[Ted Moen]

Memories are just memories. Thoughts and feelings stuffed when they had to be stuffed to do the things you had to do in the abnormal situation you had to survive currently seeping into your consciousness bit by bit now that it is safe. Memories don't destroy you. Acting on the intrusive thoughts and feelings in your current situation, not managing your behavior while the intrusive thoughts and feelings pass is what destroys you. You will always have your memories, you will always have a flow of intrusive thoughts and feelings. The challenge ptsd brings us is learning to manage our current behavior in our current situation in a way that gets our current needs met while the intrusive thoughts and feelings are passing, sometimes raging in the background.

PTSD develops when a normal person is challenged with surviving an abnormal situation, is successful, then returns to a normal situation and suddenly all the ways of doing things and thinking about things they had to learn to survive are not only no longer needed, but are inappropriate.

Your therapist will be focused on helping you return to behaving appropriately in a normal situation, viewing the things you did in the process of surviving the abnormal situation as things the person caught in the abnormal situation felt they had to do to survive. It was the abnormal situation that generated the abnormal behavior. War is an abnormal situation. You're not at war now. A therapist can help you adjust to life after surviving the abnormal situation.

Ted

 

[Jimmy1]

Kia Ora mate, welcome to the forum. East Timor was where all my problems started. They misdiagnosed me and my life started falling apart. I then went to Baghdad and on return my world collapsed totally.
With the help of medication, therapists, and this forum I am where I am today. I actually thank Anthony for providing a safe place for us to discuss stuff if we want.
We are here for you mate, ask anything you want.