General Memory Loss And Ptsd

[Foxtrot]

My gal has memory loss with PTSD and it's usually people, including me. I can go away or be away from her for a string of days and she'll forget what I look like. She'll even look at a picture of me and get scared because she doesn't recognize my face and she'll put the picture out of her sight.

When I return, I quite often have to spend a bunch of time convincing her to see me again. It's like that movie 50 First Dates, over and over again. Finally she gives in and we see each other but it takes me a long time just sitting there for her to get used to me again and relax, or even give me a hug, let alone a kiss.

Does this sound common to PTSD symptoms? Anybody want to take a stab at why or why for you or your loved one? It's really hard to deal with, but I'm betting it's way harder for her to deal with on the other end.

 

[revelry]

I dont know enough about PTSD to make an informed decision (still learning myself) , but can Iask....... does she drink, or use any drugs???

I imagine this must be very difficult for you.

 

[Foxtrot]

She drinks, sometimes to get courage to cope. She doesn't drink a huge amount, but she does drink.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Foxtrot, I'm not sure if she drinks (or uses other things) more than you know, but just to say because it's very likely with untreated/ unmanaged ptsd. Especially to start with (to try to cope).
Or perhaps meds(?)

However, it does sound like extreme stress. I have found that same lack of recognition of people (I've apparently?) known for years, after not seeing them a short while, or out of context, or their hair different etc.
Lately it seems everyone keeps saying "Hi!" , "Good to see you!" etc, -and I don't even know who they are(!!)

I find for myself specifically, it is 'time' that gets distorted- years of knowing someone can feel like weeks or days. I think it is because of being afraid and afraid to trust- every situation/ 'day' gets re-evaluated like it has no history.
It helps to remind myself of 'facts'- of all (good) past history/ time, and that there actually is one, the person is trustworthy and (therefore) what am I thinking? to think like that.
Voice recognition is easier, or reminders (past).

P.S- That's cute- re: the 50 1st Dates :) In a way that's true! Hope they're good ones- eiy!:rolleyes:

The good news is, time/ happy memories/ no reason(s) to mistrust, they will add up, and she will feel better/ more relaxed despite herself.

I don't want to mislead you and can't speak for her, but I wonder if after you've been away it's not 'you' she can't recall but her own doubt/ second-guessing of how you are, what you are like, what she feels, if she should proceed.

Or, maybe she is dissociating etc?

 

[Foxtrot]

Junebug, I think you hit the nail on the head here. Particularly with your last point about the second-guessing of how you are. A few times, I've come by her place and she'll say things like: "You aren't going to hurt me are you?" or "You aren't going to murder me are you?" I'm like holy crap!

Right now, she's isolating. Painful for me, but I'm sure way more painful for her. So much darned pain. I'm still on my center though, which is weird.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm glad you're ok Foxtrot.

I think if she's having such extreme connotations and can't realize them as inappropriate/ unwarranted/ bizarre, it really could be dissociation,. -it's 'something', that's for sure, because what you describe is very extreme and possibly dangerous, in so far as at the very least possibly psychotic/ outside of reality- but to her 'realistic'.
She sounds like she needs very serious help.

Usually cognitively it's the (a) 'feeling' present but easy to identify what is a totally off-the-deep-end thought.
Please take care of yourself.

 

[Foxtrot]

I'm trying to get her the help, but it's a tough battle. In the end, it's her decision, but I did go to a therapist and get some really good ideas as to how to move that 'rock' from inertia to getting some help. I have no idea of the pain she is feeling, but I'm sure it's colossal. Daunting. It's quite a balance between walking that fine line of giving her space yet still letting her know I'm there.

 

[OKRADLAK]

I have never had that or heard of that but with PTSD, I can believe anything!! I do indeed have memory loss but not to where I would forget people. I did, however, forget some clothes I bought which was weird.

I hope she gets better. It takes time, but you sound like such a good support!:)

 

[Cthulhu]

I can somehow relate to that. It's not that I really-really would forget people in a way that I wouldn't recognize them when seeing them. But I lose my inner connection to them very fast, usually in 2 to at most 3 days. After that period, I just don't think any more of a person that I haven't seen since then. I can't "feel" the person any more, the place they have in me gets filled with total neutrality, emptiness, nothing.

Like he or she never existed in my life. Unfortunately this also happens to persons very close to me, e.g. my partner. It's the same for everything and all people.
When I meet the person again it is really like I have to get known to them again like I've never met them before.Just on the emotional level- I still remember all the facts and things we did together etc..
I try not to show it but well, it may work with acquaintances but not with friends and least of all with partners. There were some strange situations with an ex of mine after he visited his child for 2 or 3 weeks... He was like a total stranger for me but couldn't accept or understand the way I behaved (neither could I).

The problem is, I don't know why I am that way, I only know that it isn't normal. If I'd feel triggered, anxious or whatever else when it happens OK- I could say that it is in some way trauma-related. But I don't feel triggered or negative in general- it just happens, it happens all the time...

 

[Tinyflame]

Cthulhu, maybe being away/ apart is a trigger?
Or in my case I think I assume they feel that way too, then it just becomes easier to stay away.

I don't mean to sound cold, and normally I'm not although I have firsthand experience with numbing-out. But I think sometimes, going numb/ turning off thoughts and feelings (I needed to do that a lot as a kid) or leaving is just easier, especially if you do not trust what someone thinks of you or says, or you feel they will become untrustworthy eventually, anyway.

I find when someone is not trustworthy, I feel kind of numb when I am with them.
I guess I don't have much faith in people or relationships- that sounds awful!

Foxtrot, didn't mean to alter your thread, goes to show you gosh-only-knows what she ends up thinking. :(

 

[Cthulhu]

Well, might be, as there were some happenings with my parents when I was quite young. They affected me heavily for many years throughout my childhood, I always thought my parents wouldn't come back when they went shopping or on a party and I stayed home alone, didn't want to ride a caroussel because they would go away while I'm sitting in it, literally sticked to the shopping cart when in a supermarlet with them and such things.

But I don't feel bad, sometimes I really feel good because of having some extra time for myself. But you're right, when I lose my inner connection to my SO for more than one or two weeks, I slowly get depressed- even if he is just on holiday, has much work to do or whatever else. But I don't think about him not coming back to me or leaving me then- I just can hardly bear to lose this one intense inner connection (I can never have more than 1-2 of them, so when one falls apart, I do, too).
Might be that I'm constantly dissociated and dissociating since my childhood... But then without actual reasons because my last real trauma happened about 8 years ago, my last really bad living situation about 5-6 years ago. Shouldn't it stop when everything is ok?