Mental illness and high functioning

[Chiqui]

@Lost Marbles , I subscribe letter by letter what just @mumstheword wrote.
@Ragdoll Circus , I agree with low functioning and poverty. I am living It. But also I am "limited" by my extreme untrust to others and the little trust on my perception of the world and also on my own performance. Plus other aspects, like triggers and wounds..

Now, to general readers:
I don't like the word limitations. Learning and accepting little by little my new situation, (almost 10 years have gone)What can I do? I don't want to be the high functioning empty sell I was then (I was in a cult, It was perfect ...for them)
My actual vision of this is to get better with meds, T and my own inner work, and re emerge on a woman on her fiftees with this, my Life experience integrated on my personality. And I believe this would be a real success if achived..

 

[Multitudes]

I'm very aware that mental health services are stretched due to repeated budget cuts and my feeling is that this situation lends itself to m/h professionals using the 'High Functioning' label as a triage criterium, separating those apparently in greater need from those who can afford to wait a while longer, irrespective of the severity of diagnosis - I hold it together (barely) due to GAD making it impossible for me to vent, or be in a physically poor state, in public - my issues mean that I must appear to be in control, even if I've just survived, for example, a self harm/suicide attempt and am in real crisis (yes, that's happened).

This also means that I am in a worse state (currently low functioning) directly due to denial of aid, when I might otherwise be coping and productive now.
I discussed this in a semi-rant with my therapist and she was in agreement.

Early intervention can save so much pain, but the HF label only serves to discriminate and exacerbate!

 

[Lost Marbles]

my issues mean that I must appear to be in control, even if I've just survived, for example, a self harm/suicide attempt and am in real crisis (yes, that's happened).

exactly, been there myself. I had one T say to me when I brought this topic up, "I get it, you feel you have act worse to get help." I don't think she quit got the point, there is no acting about it, when I'm in a crisis, I'm in a crisis, there is no acting involved.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Lost Marbles Awesome thread and many excellent viewpoints! Thanks for opening up this subject for dialogue.:tup:

My T recently offered that seniors appear to become lower functioning within PTSD as they age.:bored:;) I inquired had those brilliant, younger statisticians considered the decline in our (seniors) income? :whistling::clown: We giggled and let it go.

I try to work within my newer normal which often fluctuates in the high zone...until I bottom out for a bit. It is similar to daily acrobatics on a high wire, you know?

Btw...congrats on being given the Higher Functioning Diagnosis... just go with the honors of being in your Zen within the moment.:hug::tup: And thanks again for opening the thread!

 

[Lost Marbles]

Awesome thread and many excellent viewpoints! Thanks for opening up this subject for dialogue.

You are welcome. I wanted a dialog on this subject, I wanted to hear how others view this and how they feel about it. Sometimes I feel my understanding is skewed and far left of center. After reading others replies I am grateful to be high functioning and saddened that there are those how once were but are no longer. My hope is that they can get back there.

My T recently offered that seniors appear to become lower functioning within PTSD as they age

I agree with her, as I've aged I find it harder and harder to find the energy to continue struggling with it. I'm 50ish and been at this for nearly 30 years, some days I just fell so wore out. I fear becoming low functioning.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I remember that you said you are an engineer and if I am correct that you also offered that you have dyslexia. Remember those days where sentences are flowing and then...it dribbles into nothingness? Or when doing a calculation ... we forget how to do basic math? It is like that... resilience is key. Believe in yourself @Lost Marbles ... age is only a number and you will find yourself through the perseverance that you have mustered to succeed again and again! :hug:s if you accept

...drops mic and exits:)

 

[Friday]

One thing people who haven't done the high-to-low thing often misunderstand is the idea of "have to".

I "have to" ______.

Not exactly.

Have to OR (a few examples)
- I'll hate myself and want to die
- I'll lose my home
- I'll starve
- etc.

When you can't do the things you "have to" do, anymore? The "OR" happens.

 

[Lost Marbles]

:hug:s if you accept

I accept.

Picks up mic and turns it off, feedback was painful.:D

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Lost Marbles :shy::p:roflmao: Thanks again for being a sport!

 

[Chiqui]

I have facked being a high funtioning for the last tree days, non stop. I wasn't...I was represing all muy symtomps. As soon as I get home, all came up: rage, needs of revenge, overwhelming feelings, pain on my chest. For few days I was a who I want to be, the face of success and carefree woman...All the load of shit is now is on my head and heart. Sad and real.

 

[Lost Marbles]

I have facked being a high funtioning for the last tree days

I refer to this as wearing a mask, because I am hiding my mental illness. At times when I need to, I can appear quit normal. The wearing of this mask takes a lot of energy and wears me down. Sooner or later the mask has to come off and the longer that I've been wearing it, the less energy I have to keep it all put together, I can be overwhelmed with the memories and the emotions.


I wish we could go through life without having to wear our masks, but the fact that there is still stigma with being mentally ill makes it a fearful proposition.

Here, I offer you a hug :hug:, hope it helps with the pain and sadness.

 

[Chiqui]

Yeah, @Lost Marbles . Most of people knows me wearing the mask. Only the very few near ones without (and still don't understand why I can't "behave properly, content myself, have a "Happy face) The longer I fake the larger is the recovery time. It is exhausting and requieres lots of solitude and yeaning...
Thanks for the hugs. Gratitude to the thread, I am able to understand whats going on with me better :hug: