Mentals Friday. Advice.

[Wagon]

I got another appointment with the Mentals on Friday. Last ime I was completely unprepared even though I mentally prepared myself for days. Seems like I brain farted in the interview.

The feeling I get when I am in there is that....How do I say it.....I feel like I'm faking it. I tend to gloss things a bit. Or make things not so bad. Self preservation gets in the way bit.

So I was thinking. What if I wrote this shit down before I go in. All my "problems" so to speak. Is it OK to do that??? Or will it seem more like I'm faking and reading from a script. It's just when I get in there the mind goes blank. Just like the grocery store episodes. Maybe I should tell them that. Hmmm. Thoughts please?? Thanks

Wagon

 

[Ned]

Definitely write it down before-hand. I'm the bloody same in front of mentals. Come over all competent and in charge. I think it is a form of sub-conscious defensiveness, mixed with typical old-school 'no problem here'.
Write it down, preferably in the middle of a dark but eloquent episode. Over several days.
Concise, but accurate and decriptive. I know you can do that.

 

[Wagon]

Thanks Ned. Cheers

 

[Anglesachse]

Writing it down is definatly a good idea, What I did with my stuff I wrote down though is I actualy gave to my therapist. As in, I didn`t read it myself during a session , more for her, for when I needed a nudge, or was ratling on and lost the plot.

Like Ned says, do it on a bad hair day, that way you get the real stuff down. I used to draw pictures aswell for dream stuff, or intrusive thoughts, an explanation is good, but you get a different feel if it is accompanied by a picture I find.

With Pictures you can allso get some wierd shit out, that is subconsciously bugging you. It doesn`t need to be a Rembrandt, just a pictorial expression. I found that colours made the picture more effectiveaswell rather than actualy saying it was............whatever. You know what I mean right?

I also made a Diary of all the shit I was feeling the shit I would say, write and draw, a timeline for one thing, and allso a good thing for having a look to see if you still have the same view on the subject, or whether.

I actually found a difference in the writing style between being ok and in a shit pit. Which now helps me aswell. If I am writing something, and have lost contact to feelings, I get a bit of a kick from the eyes, seeing what state I am in, in way of how I am writing. Not just the style, the size, the slant, but allso the way it is written, like the agression being expressed. I also found a lot of the time I started Writing as "us" and not "me" allmost as if there was a 2nd person in me with whom I was corresponding.

ie: People are pissing us off, and we need to do something

It is kind of scary reading some of the stuff. Especialy when you find stuff you don`t remember that you had written. which was quit often LOL

 

[Ned]

What Angle said about a diary, too. Not everyday shit, more the stuff relevant to the Beast. And the good days (reprieves), too!
Your very own Screwtape Letters!

 

[T^3]

With Pictures you can allso get some wierd shit out, that is subconsciously bugging you. It doesn`t need to be a Rembrandt, just a pictorial expression. I found that colours made the picture more effectiveaswell rather than actualy saying it was............whatever. You know what I mean right?

Yeah, I get yah! I did that for an image that was playing over and over in my head. Seemed to help, it's been away since then. (still afraid of it coming back) Thanks for sharing about writing things down and giving it to your therapist. I need to do that. (I'm still in denial and avoidance) This site and everyone here has helped me tremendously in the past two weeks. I still feel lonely at times and that I'm the only one going through this, but this site has been extremely helpful in getting that cured cause I know here I'm not alone.
Tanya

 

[Ned]

Thoughts please?? Thanks

Wagon

Well here's another one. Steer clear of buzz-words. Dig out the Thesaurus and find plain-language equivalents. Now I'm not saying those of us who are aware should avoid the recognised terms and shorthand, after all, they're understood.
But first time in front of someone, I have a niggling suspicion that if you use jargon, their 'self-diagnosed!' beeper will go off.
Of course most of us are self-diagnosed! But the profession likes to do their bit.
It's a bit like the way Wikipedia will put a ' This article containd a high proportion of buzz-words' in front of some entries.
And it is clever how they're often right!
Hope you are getting there, mate.

 

[Jimmy1]

Your right on the money there Ned.

If you go in saying that you have a high degree of hypervigilence and the insomnia is kicking your arse, they will know you have been reading.

Where as if you say you can't sleep and are constantly worried about someone coming in the doors or windows, etc, etc.

Just my 1 cent worth.

 

[tho9900]

a day late but while I was dog sitting for Nichol I bought notebook after notebook constantly writing down what I was feeling, the way I felt about past things.. things and people that seemed to defuse me or get me on edge etc.. Watching TV I would even comment on shows I was watching, not necessarily directely related but ones I found tied in somehow to my emotions/depression etc.. ironically after a few weeks I reread them and some of it was eye opening.. A qoute I wrote down from a movie that at the time for no reason at all that caught me... then later it made total sense.. etc...

And I agree with Jimmy on the above... I tend to use a lot of the buzzwords being ex-medical... lately and not for any real reason.. guess because I have been so pissed off, I just spit it out without qualifying it.. for me I don't think it hurts me using the medical terms once the docs get to know me cuz we discuss a lot of the medical effects of certain drugs I don't wanna take etc..etc.... so they are used to me using the terminology...

I think I have found being a regular person vs a medic is helping me more tho... being able to say I am f'ing pissed... etc... vs being angry.. saying I was at the window with the lights out and a knife in each hand vs hypervigilant.. I think that was my way of sanitizing what I have.. and ummm what is the word... rationalizing my behavior...

 

[Wagon]

I've been grappling for a couple days on how to write this. I have visited a private shrink before to get a diagnosis. That was over a year ago. But these are different animals....Big Nanny State types.

 

[Anglesachse]

don`t worry Wagon cocker.

Just tell them what you want or need to. the rest will come in time.

I assume the guy before was for your own pieace of mind and nows its for State Help? would that be a good and simple way of saying it?

 

[Wagon]

Yup. You got it. I happened on this site first.(absolutely mental and somewhat suicidal) Then paid the 190 dollars for 50 minutes. The guy said, yup you got it and here is a book I recommend. Which was ok to a point as the book is not exclusively about PTSD, but it helped understanding more.

From there it has been a struggle between finances and getting into a position to get help and also get into this system. It's the end of the beginning.