Military traumas invade civilian workplace

[crashtruckchuck]

Military traumas invade civilian workplace

Hello All,
If you couldn't tell by my post count, I'm new here. My name is Scotty, and I live in Massachusetts now. I've been out of the military for about 6 years now. Was a firefighter in the USAF along with a paramedic license. And silly me I continued on after the military as a Firefighter/Paramedic. Now some might say "you Air Force guys had it made". Ok I had a bed and a T.V. in a war zone. But... since I was a paramedic, I was thrust into medical things. Stitching up wounds, keeping fellow warriors calm while the Doc's would tell them their legs were gone. I may not have been on the streets of East Jabibawatz or where ever, but I have had my share of mortars and missles and gas. Along with the messiness that came in on a daily basis.

Now the introduction is out of the way, here's my deal. I thought that I was doing fine after my last deployment was over. I had finished my 4th tour and was getting out. Life was great, jumped right into a civilian job. Left the bad parts of the military behind me and was a new man. Got married, bought a house, started living the good life you dreamnt about in the barraks.

About 3 months ago I had a bad medical call at my job that sent me over the edge. Very hard to describe and way too graphic to try. But, I began to have flash backs, all of a sudden, of pulling wounded off of helos and into the med tents in various states of "disrepair" so to speak. Now this is 6 years later mind you.

Not to be long winded, but has anybody else had a triggering event well after? I have tried to talk to some co-workers, all who are too "Macho" to have those kind of issues. I am now under the care of a Psychologist and have found a counsilor to try and combat these long hidden issues.

I just kinda feel alone in my little part of the world and was just looking for anyone like me. After reading alittle on here I see that there are. This is a wonderful forum I see and I am still coping with all the stuff that goes with this, but if I can help in anyway for anyone, feel free to PM me or whatever.

Thanks for letting me blabber on about myself, and I hope to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[dave1]

Hey Crash, you'll find a lot of guys here have flashbacks. One key that helps me with the panic, anxiety, knot in my stomach is to remember you're here and it's now - it's not six or more years ago on the other side of the world. Those things were real in a different time and place and you probably didn't have time to deal with all them properly. Many of us couldn't allow normal feelings to overwhelm us because we had to stay functional and get the job done. You are not alone and flashbacks are normal for the abnormal situation you' went through.

Now there is time to begin dealing with the things you put asside; the helplessness, grief, guilt, anger, confusion and maybe depression. Things were out of your control then and couldn't be processed properly. You're doing the right thing by seeking help. It might be good if your pshycologist undertstands PTSD, flashbacks are one symtom of many that can appear years after traumatic events.

Don't panic, this is evidence that you are reacting normally for someone going through what you have.

 

[crashtruckchuck]

-Dave
It's a good feeling to know I'm not alone. It seems that sometimes any little thing will trigger it. I'm seeing a "head shrinker" and have learned alot of the things that I do now I did before subconciously. My wife noticed a long time ago that I am a people watcher. Out at dinner, at the mall if I can go inside, anywhere where there are people, I'm watching them. I never noticed that before. the Dr tells me the very same things you have written, but somehow it seems better to come from someone who has had similar experience. Thanks for your reply.

 

[FMG]

Hello All,
If you couldn't tell by my post count, I'm new here. My name is Scotty, and I live in Massachusetts now. I've been out of the military for about 6 years now. Was a firefighter in the USAF along with a paramedic license. And silly me I continued on after the military as a Firefighter/Paramedic. Now some might say "you Air Force guys had it made". Ok I had a bed and a T.V. in a war zone. But... since I was a paramedic, I was thrust into medical things. Stitching up wounds, keeping fellow warriors calm while the Doc's would tell them their legs were gone. I may not have been on the streets of East Jabibawatz or where ever, but I have had my share of mortars and missles and gas. Along with the messiness that came in on a daily basis.

I was a medical instructor in Iraq. Its weird for us since we tend to draw the fine line between Combat PTSD and Normal PTSD. I certainly didn't have anything beyond basic training which I did to satisfy an urge to have interesting things on my CV. I passed it only just. The real reason I did it was to teach and the army knew it. I infact signed non combat waivers since I am a pacifist by nature. The only problem was that there was a legal loophole that I failed to notice that got me sent there.

Now the introduction is out of the way, here's my deal. I thought that I was doing fine after my last deployment was over. I had finished my 4th tour and was getting out. Life was great, jumped right into a civilian job. Left the bad parts of the military behind me and was a new man. Got married, bought a house, started living the good life you dreamnt about in the barraks.

Its generally the things most soldiers I met hoped for. That being said, I never saw the draw of being a soldier or even in the army. I volunteered (I never got paid anything but a stipend) because I read an article about how soldiers were being sent to Iraq from the UK with incomplete training because there weren't enough trainers and they were looking for civilian trainers. So for me its weird since I was kind of stuck onto an existing structure and revilled by the people who I taught as "not one of us" and generally regarded as a necessary evil. It didn't help the fact that I spoke arabic quite well and er...

Well I was born in the middle east. Imagine coming in fresh of a plane struggling to move your equipment with other people like you and then suddenly being more at home than people who had been there for a year. Not going to win you many friends.

About 3 months ago I had a bad medical call at my job that sent me over the edge. Very hard to describe and way too graphic to try. But, I began to have flash backs, all of a sudden, of pulling wounded off of helos and into the med tents in various states of "disrepair" so to speak. Now this is 6 years later mind you.

It often strikes people like that if the PTSD is based of trauma seen rather than trauma felt. What shocked you is the events of your experience that happened to others. Rather than what happened to you.

Not to be long winded, but has anybody else had a triggering event well after? I have tried to talk to some co-workers, all who are too "Macho" to have those kind of issues. I am now under the care of a Psychologist and have found a counsilor to try and combat these long hidden issues.

A lot of people do get it well after. A lot of civilian medical workers suffer the same effects such as flashbacks from bad cases too. Its one of the places where the line between combat and non combat PTSD blur.

Again there is something called a tendency to PTSD. Some people happily go through their entire lives as gore filled and oppressive as they are without nary an inkling of PTSD. Some people like me are unaffected by the gore and disease of the injuries from a war zone. I am a doctor's child so I was inured to that aspect when I was young. I grew up in an A&E ward so badly injured people are normal for me. I was more affected by injuries and what I did there. Everyone's is a little bit different.

I just kinda feel alone in my little part of the world and was just looking for anyone like me. After reading alittle on here I see that there are. This is a wonderful forum I see and I am still coping with all the stuff that goes with this, but if I can help in anyway for anyone, feel free to PM me or whatever.

Thanks for letting me blabber on about myself, and I hope to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Welcome to the site. This is pretty much the place to go on about yourself.

I found out what triggers my PTSD the painful way. My friends came to collect me from the airport. They wheeled me home to a party. A balloon burst and I had my first flashback. Mine was within a month of injury.

 

[crashtruckchuck]

Wow! What do I say to that other than thank you for understanding and even reading my post. You truly seem to have a very good insight into this whole thing. I respect your duty and your service regardless of the capacity. I can see where feeling like an outsider in a place such as that can have an impact as well as all the trimmings that go with that wonderful and joyous place. Again thank you, I feel like you are just one more person that understands.

 

[BioHazard]

I was home for almost 2 years before I was aware that there was a problem. I spent a lot of time and money on booze, fights and cheap, easy tail. Then I started getting my rank stripped because of my actions. I went from an E-6 to an E-2 in about four months time. I was sent to a military shrink for "counseling", which did very little good. I decided to stop drinking on my own, and started trying to rebuild my career. I made it back as far as E-4 before my contract ended, but the military decided to bar me from re-enlistment, due to my actions and my reaction to being placed on a permanent non-deployable status. I almost got thrown out, and barely pulled my ass out of the fire in time to get an honorable discharge.

Once I got out, I began systematically destroying the rest of my life. I bounced from job to job, started drinking heavily again, ran my first wife and a long succession of girlfriends off, and basically disowned my entire family. I got picked up for assault by the police, and they decided that, instead of locking me up, they would drop me off at the local VA Medical Center, because I was wearing a uniform jacket, and had a Military ID in my wallet. That was the beginning of my recovery, I guess you could say. I spent a week at the VA being evaluated, then they decided that I was capable of being treated on an outpatient basis. I went through a couple of different therapists before I got hooked up with my current psychiatrist. He is a Viet Nam veteran who suffers from PTSD, and has taught himself to cope well with it. I hope in thirty to forty years that I am able to cope as well as he has.

We are all here to try to discuss our disorder, and help each other to cope with it. There is no actual cure for PTSD, but there are many ways to deal with it.

 

[crashtruckchuck]

-James
I know your story. It's the story of too many like us. If you've ever seen the movie Jarhead you'll understand the contex. I had someone whom I thought I would never see again show up at my door one night. This guy was really into weightlifting and bodybuilding and stuff, and when he showed up at my door he had to weigh 120 pounds if that. Hair a mess, unshaven, pretty much looking like a skinny old bum. He told me that when he cycled back, he spent a lot of the time getting repremaned, article 15ed and the like for stupid stuff. Got out and spent the next few years here and there. Drinking, drugging it up. And then bam one day... knock knock on my door. I didn't even recognize him. I asked him how he was even able to track me down. He got it through the VA, and used me as a reference to be released to and live with. They got him a bus ticket and sent him from Ohio to Massachusetts to my door. Let's just say it was very unexpected. The cops did the same thing, they picked him up and dropped him off at the nearest VA. The VA kinda took care of him, said he was ok but had to have someone who he could be released to. Why me, I'll never know.

He told me about a few of the other guys who we were with. Some were doing ok at that time, married or whatever, others had drifted off into oblivion. But there were a few who drank or drugged themselves into jail or the grave. I was a lucky one. I had some support when I got out. I moved home with my parents. I met a girl, got married, got a job and tried to put everything behind me and be normal again. I thought I was stable. This poor guy was out on his ass.

After a few beers and a pizza, he told me he was headed out. Don't know where, and to this day I don't know what became of him. I was a very odd experience for me. Something my wife hounds me about every once in a while to try and track him down. So, as I said before, I know your story. And what I can say is that I'll be here for you or anybody who needs to talk. Knock on my cyber door. I may not have served with you, but I know... I just know. Take care of yourself James!
-Scotty

 

[raydarluvr1]

Good to meet you Scotty. Welcome. I look forward to seeing your posts. :)

 

[aegis1958]

Scotty,

welcome and you will find a great many people here that are both helpful and non-judgemental. I personally have had what you are describing as 'flash backs' and damm they come and the most inconvenient times. Anxiety and anticipating what 'might' be stressful events seem to trigger these events in me. Frustrating and at times debilitaing as you sort of mentally stand there reliving events that no one else can see. That's a round about way of saying welcome by the way and that you truly are far from alone in feeling what you do.

Cheers Em

 

[abnvet]

Reading these discussions have brought up many memories of what I've gone through-
Many of our stories are the same. I thought that I drank a lot when I was a teen but it was nothing compared to when I returned from Iraq. I hit my lowest point when I was sitting alone in Panama, after sending my wife and daughter home early as we were divorcing. The two things that I had in my life were alcohol and of course the Army......a love hate relationship with both..........