Lionheart
Not Active
Before I ever began to seek help with PTSD, I was a hig-school drop-out and practicing alcoholic who would cross the street to keep from having to make contact with anyone, as I found it too painful and anxiety-provoking. I was a victim of something that I now understand to be "abuse specific repetition compulsion." (This is where I sought to re-enact the abuse, still in the role of victim, as 'numbing behavior'). I would then begin to feel bad about myself for this compulsive behavior and then, I would drink to excess to numb the pain. During that time I would take handfuls of sleeping pills, cut on myself with razor baldes and pray to die.
Today, I am a 'recovered' alcoholic. I am no longer afraid of strangers and I will look you straight in the eye as opposed to walking around slumped over with my head hanging down. I am likely to be the first one to speak and say hello and if you don't answer me, it's prolly just as well to my mind, (because that is not about me).
I have 12 years of intensive medication, pyschotherapy and personal growth to support me. I seldom struggle with repetition compulsion and I rarely, if ever ever act out anymore. I no longer think of myself as a victim, and I am now moving beyond being a survivor. My values and many of my negative beliefs have changed considerably.
I no longer abuse substances or engage in numbing behaviors and I pray for a many different and positive reasons today.
I am taking much better care of myself, I try to eat healthy, take nutritional supplements, I see two doctors and a therapist on a regular basis, I do not engage in self-destruction and I have a newfound love and respect for myself.
I am due to graduate with my first associate's degree in May. While I am still disabled and may not be able to return to work in the near future, I have something now that I had never known for most of my life......honor and dignity.
Lewie
Today, I am a 'recovered' alcoholic. I am no longer afraid of strangers and I will look you straight in the eye as opposed to walking around slumped over with my head hanging down. I am likely to be the first one to speak and say hello and if you don't answer me, it's prolly just as well to my mind, (because that is not about me).
I have 12 years of intensive medication, pyschotherapy and personal growth to support me. I seldom struggle with repetition compulsion and I rarely, if ever ever act out anymore. I no longer think of myself as a victim, and I am now moving beyond being a survivor. My values and many of my negative beliefs have changed considerably.
I no longer abuse substances or engage in numbing behaviors and I pray for a many different and positive reasons today.
I am taking much better care of myself, I try to eat healthy, take nutritional supplements, I see two doctors and a therapist on a regular basis, I do not engage in self-destruction and I have a newfound love and respect for myself.
I am due to graduate with my first associate's degree in May. While I am still disabled and may not be able to return to work in the near future, I have something now that I had never known for most of my life......honor and dignity.
Lewie
