I suffer from PTSD of severe physical abuse and some sexual abuse from when I was 13 and 14. It took me three years to tell anyone about it, and the person I told ended up also physically abusing me a year or two later.
...this Misophonia started to bother me. I assume it happened around the same time, because I don't remember ever having problems with the sound of people's mouths when I was a small child.
I don't know how the sound of people chewing, breathing, the sound of people's saliva in their mouths when they talk, or the sound of crinkling plastic (like a water bottle) is related to PTSD. But recently I instantly start to get hateful and mad and on-edge to the point where now I feel immediate physical rage building up in me and I want to scream at the person that is the source of the sounds...
Hon, I believe what you are experiencing are PTSD triggers. I'm so sorry to hear you're having a rough time. The rage you are experiencing is your body preparing to defend itself. Sounds weird, I know. There was probably a similar sound or behavior that went unnoticed (or so you thought) when you were a child that your brain that has related to the person or persons who abused you.
It was probably an everyday sound that no one ever thinks about or pays attention to and immediately forgets. The brain of a child is like a sponge and absorbs so much more than adults realize. Now every time you hear that (or something similar), your body subconciously remembers the sound and the perceived threat behind it and the adrenalin flows, hypervigilence may or may not set in, and somewhere deep inside your brain says "NO! Never again."
The sound didn't bother you when you were a child because you were "recording it" at the time. Now your ordeal is over and your brain is "playing" it back each time it hears something similar. Our brains learn and remember by association. You also most likely have suppressed memories which would explain why you can't explain what's causing the triggers. My therapist is amazing and she explained that kids have the most amazing ability to suppress things when they can't handle them. It is a protective mechanism because they just don't know how to process such extremely abusive environments.
My suggestion would be to do a little research online and find a Psychologist who specializes in PTSD and EMDR. If you need a hand, I'd be more than willing to help out and I'm pretty good at research. I do think you most probably have PTSD. I have Complex PTSD and was diagnosed in 2010. I was spiraling and suicidal until my therapist pulled me back from the edge.
What you're describing is very similar to what I experience at times, just not the same triggers. Many triggers are subconcious, so we often don't know what sets them off, we just feel the horrible after-effects.
I hope this helps. Holler if you need some help with finding a new psychologist.
Hugs!!
G
