Sexual Assault Molested As Kid - Just One Of Many Events

[ericaboo]

I got molested by a teenage neighbor when I was about 8. This occurred after years of physical and emotional abuse at home that made my self esteem pretty low. I believe this helped the molestation to happen. I also received poor support afterward - I reported to the police, but was discouraged from pressing charges. It all became a shameful secret, and I felt very isolated from my family. This caused me to stay away from home a lot, and I lived in a dangerous neighborhood.

So... there is a lot to the story, including a string of various sexual abuse incidents which cycled on and on into my early adult years.

I thought I learned to stop the cycle, but the damage is not healed. So much more to learn...

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Erica
I am so sorry for what you went through. But as you already know it was not your fault.

I do hope you find help and heeling here. Life is tough - but you are not alone!!

Regards
Lucy x

 

[ericaboo]

Thanks Lucy. I wouldn't be here except for the fact that I finally got some help, which has given me the courage to discuss my story. I still have such a very long way to go.

My story is a long one to tell, but you can pretty much summarize it with the understanding that on top of things that were done to me, I have perpetrated a whole lot of self destructiveness onto myself - and the explanations are buried deep in a childhood within a sick family where bad things happened to everyone involved - a family of victims...

For some reason, this late in the game, I am pursuing a path toward some kind of healing because I'm so tired of unhappy endings to the stories of my life.

 

[ericaboo]

Another thing that happened was being raped by a boyfriend at an amusement park. Age 15. Completely non-consual - he beat and threatened me into submission. The condom broke, I missed my period, then found out that my boyfriend was in court testifying against his uncle who had molested him his whole childhood - and had HIV. Luckily I didn't get infected. I don't know if he did or not. He committed suicide a couple years later.

 

[miss_isolated]

Thank you for sharing your story. And I wish you well.

 

[meg09813]

im so sorry

 

[crazytrain]

Wow, Ericaboo! I don't know how old you are, but you have already hit on enough things to last anyone a lifetime! Bravo to you for wanting to end the cycle and get some help; that is always one of the first steps! I wish you continued healing on your path to wholeness!

CT

 

[ericaboo]

I had sex with a guy that I've only known a short time. It was wonderful after so many years of unsatisfying sex with my ex.

Problems: I am not ready for a real relationship. I have another friend who I am in love with, but he and I have discussed not being ready for sex or a committed relationship.

Do I have a confession to make to my friend?

The guy I had sex with knows about the other guy, and gets frustrated about that, but that doesn't stop him from wanting me. I don't know if I can resist him, he is very attractive...

I don't understand how to handle these situations in any kind of proper way. My therapist hasn't helped me formulate any answers to this. It's all up to me, and I'm a trainwreck...

 

[ericaboo]

My friend asked me point blank, and I told him I had sex. I was giving him a ride home to another city, and was going to spend the weekend. He said that if he knew I was going to tell him that, he would have got a ride from someone else. I had to give him a ride out of town and then drove all the way back crying in horrible weather. He said he needed time to process. I wrote him a long email about how vauge he's been about whether we are "just friends" or not, and all the things that have made me confused about that. And that I'm sorry IF I did something wrong or hurt him.

Did I do something wrong? He said that might be considered "trampy." I feel like I've been called a tramp.

I just couldn't resist the seduction of this other guy, and my ex made me feel that I was undesireable and that his erectile disfunction was my fault for being a lousy lover. It was important to me to have sex with someone else, and my "friend" was maybe never going to come through in that way. Also it seemed like a dry run to see if I was going to be comfortable with sex if my "friend" decided he wanted to. This was the first time in 15 years that I got off having sex. All this time it has just been a chore to me.

The sex was unprotected.

I will be devastated and feel so judged and rejected if my friend decides his "other" feelings for me are over because of what I've done. I feel I'm in love with him. I'm so scared right now that I've ruined everything. I'm crying all the time.