Sufferer Hi. My father tortured me in a cult, his parents molested me, every time I feel love for my kids it comes roaring back.

Thanks MnM, I bought some books on Russian Systema last year.

If these neverending lockdowns and curfews let up I would love to attend in-person lessons, I really admire Mikhail Ryabko and want to learn from his students.
 

MnM

Confident
Thanks MnM, I bought some books on Russian Systema last year.

If these neverending lockdowns and curfews let up I would love to attend in-person lessons, I really admire Mikhail Ryabko and want to learn from his students.
Omg right?!?! I'd say try YouTube, but the discipline and "theory" is as important as the motions. Tai Chi may help? That feels pretty replicate via YouTube... :/
 
Omg right?!?! I'd say try YouTube, but the discipline and "theory" is as important as the motions. Tai Chi may help? That feels pretty replicate via YouTube... :/

:)

I almost pulled the trigger on purchasing master Jiang Yu-Shan's lessons but I bought a plot of land in the mountains instead (which shows you how expensive they are!).

He's the real deal, tho, and so is shifu Yan Lei, but Systema rings even truer to me than the Chinese methods, not to disparage them in the least.

Both are fundamentally about breathing, but Systema has a more "natural" feeling, if you know what I mean. Instinct over ideology.
 
Have you found a cult exit councelling for kids born and raised within a cult? I believe that is the root of all. What a horrible horrible experience...!! So sorry.

Alas, no. *Any* counselling is beyond my financial ability, and although we have a putative "public" health system in this country, its ineptitude is matched only by its corruption.

My abusers took full advantage of this. I successfully fought for justice after nearly two decades of wrong prescriptions and abusive treatment, only to be rewarded a laughably minuscule amount of compensation.

This has been a solo journey, and the solitude is starting to sting.

In the past I would dutifully swallow the neverending pills and marinate in private suicidal thoughts as I trudged semi-successfully through life, devoid of any hope or meaning and secretly wishing for cancer or a runaway bus while suffering a litany of side effects.

Having my own children flipped the tables.

Thoughts of dying make no internal sense anymore and I am physically much healthier, but now it's 24/7 flashbacks and seething roiling anger, which is not any better.
 

Chiqui

MyPTSD Pro
Alas, no. *Any* counselling is beyond my financial ability, and although we have a putative "public" health system in this country, its ineptitude is matched only by its corruption.

My abusers took full advantage of this. I successfully fought for justice after nearly two decades of wrong prescriptions and abusive treatment, only to be rewarded a laughably minuscule amount of compensation.

This has been a solo journey, and the solitude is starting to sting.

In the past I would dutifully swallow the neverending pills and marinate in private suicidal thoughts as I trudged semi-successfully through life, devoid of any hope or meaning and secretly wishing for cancer or a runaway bus while suffering a litany of side effects.

Having my own children flipped the tables.

Thoughts of dying make no internal sense anymore and I am physically much healthier, but now it's 24/7 flashbacks and seething roiling anger, which is not any better.
You have done incredibly well by yourself. I recognized on myself that roiling anger and the flashbacks, but I am under medication now, so half dumb.
It keeps me alive.

Its so good what you say about your clildren. I haven't any, because my involvement on my young youth in a cult deprived me on having children, when I left it my fertility time was gone..

There is a new book by Janja Lalich, a cult exit expertise, on children raised on cults. If you are interested, I will find the title for you.
My very best wishes
 
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