Sufferer Hi. My father tortured me in a cult, his parents molested me, every time I feel love for my kids it comes roaring back.

Thanks MnM, I bought some books on Russian Systema last year.

If these neverending lockdowns and curfews let up I would love to attend in-person lessons, I really admire Mikhail Ryabko and want to learn from his students.
 

MnM

Confident
Thanks MnM, I bought some books on Russian Systema last year.

If these neverending lockdowns and curfews let up I would love to attend in-person lessons, I really admire Mikhail Ryabko and want to learn from his students.
Omg right?!?! I'd say try YouTube, but the discipline and "theory" is as important as the motions. Tai Chi may help? That feels pretty replicate via YouTube... :/
 
Omg right?!?! I'd say try YouTube, but the discipline and "theory" is as important as the motions. Tai Chi may help? That feels pretty replicate via YouTube... :/

:)

I almost pulled the trigger on purchasing master Jiang Yu-Shan's lessons but I bought a plot of land in the mountains instead (which shows you how expensive they are!).

He's the real deal, tho, and so is shifu Yan Lei, but Systema rings even truer to me than the Chinese methods, not to disparage them in the least.

Both are fundamentally about breathing, but Systema has a more "natural" feeling, if you know what I mean. Instinct over ideology.
 
Have you found a cult exit councelling for kids born and raised within a cult? I believe that is the root of all. What a horrible horrible experience...!! So sorry.

Alas, no. *Any* counselling is beyond my financial ability, and although we have a putative "public" health system in this country, its ineptitude is matched only by its corruption.

My abusers took full advantage of this. I successfully fought for justice after nearly two decades of wrong prescriptions and abusive treatment, only to be rewarded a laughably minuscule amount of compensation.

This has been a solo journey, and the solitude is starting to sting.

In the past I would dutifully swallow the neverending pills and marinate in private suicidal thoughts as I trudged semi-successfully through life, devoid of any hope or meaning and secretly wishing for cancer or a runaway bus while suffering a litany of side effects.

Having my own children flipped the tables.

Thoughts of dying make no internal sense anymore and I am physically much healthier, but now it's 24/7 flashbacks and seething roiling anger, which is not any better.
 

Chiqui

MyPTSD Pro
Alas, no. *Any* counselling is beyond my financial ability, and although we have a putative "public" health system in this country, its ineptitude is matched only by its corruption.

My abusers took full advantage of this. I successfully fought for justice after nearly two decades of wrong prescriptions and abusive treatment, only to be rewarded a laughably minuscule amount of compensation.

This has been a solo journey, and the solitude is starting to sting.

In the past I would dutifully swallow the neverending pills and marinate in private suicidal thoughts as I trudged semi-successfully through life, devoid of any hope or meaning and secretly wishing for cancer or a runaway bus while suffering a litany of side effects.

Having my own children flipped the tables.

Thoughts of dying make no internal sense anymore and I am physically much healthier, but now it's 24/7 flashbacks and seething roiling anger, which is not any better.
You have done incredibly well by yourself. I recognized on myself that roiling anger and the flashbacks, but I am under medication now, so half dumb.
It keeps me alive.

Its so good what you say about your clildren. I haven't any, because my involvement on my young youth in a cult deprived me on having children, when I left it my fertility time was gone..

There is a new book by Janja Lalich, a cult exit expertise, on children raised on cults. If you are interested, I will find the title for you.
My very best wishes
 
Hello again, the detective for my case called me one week ago.

My dad is being charged.

I don't know with what yet, I'm still processing the emotions and haven't reached out again for details.

I found a psychologist through a government victim support program, I've only seen her twice so far but she tells me I need to write a book.
 

Weemie

MyPTSD Pro
she tells me I need to write a book.

Lots of people tell me the same thing. I'm too paranoid to do that, though. Even talking about it here on member-protected diaries is hard. I'm very sorry for what brought you here but I'm glad to hear that your dad will face some form of justice, here's hoping. A few of my abusers ended up in prison for unrelated crimes, I am just happy they are away from civilization. But they still hurt other people inside prison, so it's not perfect.

Anyway just wanted to reach out because I can certainly relate on what it's like to have experienced things like this. I was not in a cult but I was brainwashed and indoctrinated into armed violence as a child. There were a lot of things I experienced that had "cult-like" or magical thinking components as well. && we have some folks on here who have similar experiences as well.

I'm always about if you'd like to chat! I really hope you can start to feel more at peace as these proceedings unfold.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
i see the judicial process hasn't sped up any since my father's prosecution in the mid 80's. i'm thrilled to hear you have found a therapist to help you through. in my own case, i went through the process without psychiatric backup and the judicial process was Just Ice. that might have been more traumatic than the my father's games.

i've written quite a few books on the subject, but finding a publisher is a greater challenger than writing.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
I just came to this thread and wanted to welcome you. I'm so very sorry you have had so much to deal with. I'm glad you're here, though. This is a good place.

so far but she tells me I need to write a book.
I'm glad you found someone! And as I was reading your intro, I was thinking the same thing. I am a writer and an editor, and I think your writing is beautifully descriptive.
 
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