Monarchs Mental Image

[anthony]

In other words, your still dragging yourself under at present, coping, existing, though not necessarily progressing. This is normal, do not get worried, nor take it the wrong way, nor assume it means your not working hard on yourself, no implications. Our mind often wants to rest during the trauma and healing process, and its expected. Sometimes we need to rest in order to see what we must do to move forward. You will progress as you see fit, not before basically. Nobody controls you, except you.

What else do I see? I don't see anything, I merely interpret what you see, not what I see. Interpretation is pretty much enough for you to ponder for a while IMHO.

 

[Monarch]

I see, you are right though I am just "existing" right now, makes me a bit sad. I don't seem to have the energy to do very much and I rest alot, but like you said that is somewhat normal. Hopefully I will come back to being my active self but right now I am just worn down all the time, this PTSD thing takes a toll on my body too. Anyway, thanks for your support.

 

[Monarch]

So, I seemed to have come out of my self loathing period. I was totally screwed up about losing my job and feeling worthless and people would judge me, I was wrong. I found myself getting dressed like I was going to work everyday and on Tues. I actually drove to work, parked in the lot, waited a few minutes then left. When I got home I cried alot then took off my work clothes and said " monica, you are avoiding all of this and it is not doing you any good so face to facts and move on". That is what i did, I called and told a few friends and I went and spent the afternoon with my friend Shelley and helped her recover some chairs. I have been doing things for people all week, helping them clean their houses or fix their yards. I signed up for some charity work and I am looking for a new job. Moving forward again feels good.

 

[anthony]

Monica, very proud of you and extremely well done on your behalf. This is the exact thing you must do, being control yourself. Only you can make change for yourself, and you are acting on these thoughts.... well done.

 

[Monarch]

so anthony, what does it feel like to be you, as someone who is living with PTSD but who has it under control? I am interested in what it feels like and what your thought process is for dealing with difficult issues, like getting divorced. Hopefully that isn't too personal, if it is just tell me to go take a flying leap.

 

[anthony]

Monica, I deal with difficult issues now looking at the issues, not simply making a black or white decision, running with it and leaving no scope for change. I step back nowadays, I look around at things, I look at what such a major decision could impact, how it will affect me, others, etc. I look at what I will feel by making such a large decision, and I manage that decision simply through talking it out with people that I care about, family, etc, and bounce things off them. I talk about issues here also, some in private with close friends, some public. I have already made the decision to get divorced, and here in Australia it is simply waiting 12 months after seperation in which you can get divorced. I have already dealt with the emotions surrounding seperation and divorce, and now for me its merely about signing the paperwork. If I hadn't dealt with it all at once, and if I hadn't already made the decision of divorce, then I would have left reconciliation open. The problem with that is, I don't love Kerrie-Ann anymore, so reconciliation would be fruitless and for all the wrong reasons.

I have PTSD, and I still have down days, though I recognise what is wrong, look at why I feel that way, what could cause it, all of which may take a minute or two, then I take action, ie. get exercise, get out of the house, go do some activity to get my mind active, even as simple as having a sleep for a couple of hours then forcing myself up and go for a walk. I do these things and come good pretty much straight away.

I manage my stress intake, its as simple as that, and that is what enables me to be healthy within myself. If I had to work, if I was still in my old relationship where conflict seemed to rule, then I would still ill because the stress would be too much for me. I make decisions in my life based on what is best for myself, though also considering others around me. I would not be in a destructive relationship nowadays, I would not make a major decision without already knowing and working through any consequences so that I don't ambush myself with stress.

Stress management, that is my life really. Doing this allows me to live life, enjoy my days, without illness, depression, anxiety, etc. If I expose myself to stressful situations or people that I am not prepared for, then I would get ill if I didn't remove myself immediately. Simple as that. Management is the key. That sometimes includes avoidance, which is not an effective strategy for most things, though sometimes simply must be employed in management.

If you where at constant conflict with a family member for instance, then you would likely end up ill each time. You either continue to expose yourself to that conflict and get ill, or you discuss with them that you cannot see them with conflict. If they do not appreciate your feelings, then they obviously don't care enough about you, so then avoidance may be a more effective strategy. Maybe moving to phone calls, where if conflict is risen, you can hangup and turn your phone off until such time as the person calms themselves to discuss with you, not yell at you. This is management.

 

[Monarch]

It seems that I am beginning to do that, looking at the issue that is currently happening, and I can do that for awhile, but then I fall back into the "old stuff", living in the past crap or the past crap coming back up again. I tend to come full circle again with a couple of therapy sessions or talking it out here. I guess I wonder do you ever get the flashbacks and paranoia anymore and just have to acknowledge it and move on is it is totally not there at all.

Stress management is hard for me, I am a Mom first so I put everyone else in the families needs above mine. Actually going to therapy was a first step in taking care of myself. I am taking steps to do that although I probably could use a little push now and then.

 

[anthony]

No, I do not have flashbacks anymore, I have not had a nightmare for nearly a year now, though I still do get paranoia, though rationalize it each and every time. Example, I may be sitting talking with someone, then an overwhelming thought will be that I need to punch this person to death before they get me, paranoia. Whilst the thought is going through my head to attack, I automatically rationalize it by realizing where I am now, that I am no longer in a war zone, I have no reason to fear this person, and the list goes on.... all whilst still talking. The paranoia goes away usually before I finish the conversation with them. I keep using constant realization, grounding and realistic adoptions to every day life. I know that when I walk into a shopping centre, everyone is not out to get me, they are their to do the same thing as I am, go shopping, not get hurt or die. Rationalization to realism, that is what I use constantly. When I talk about people needing to become instinctive in the basics, this is what I am talking about, because the very basics are what you need to come rushing into your mind the moment a negative thought hits, instinctive reaction to a negative action.

I could not use this, and simply give in to my unrealistic thoughts, though I would be in jail, I wouldn't live a very fulfilling life at all. I manage my PTSD, which encompasses everything discussed here.

 

[Monarch]

That constant realization, grounding and realistic things are very important, I get that. The paranoia is definately hard for me to get over, usually people can see it in me though, I assume they can't see it in you any longer. This is really going to be a battle of the mind i suppose. I do know that I have to stay in control although I do have times when I feel out of control or I want to be out of control and I have to remember that and either work at being in control or removing myself from the situation. Thanks for that it is good to call them "unrealistic thoughts".

 

[Monarch]

BTW Anthony, this thread has been great for me. I am figuring out the whole "control" thing. To be out of control for so long and finally I am feeling in control and I wonder " why the hell didn't I do this before"! Talk more about that control, is it all about retraining my brain? Is being impulsive part of PTSD, I am pretty impulsive. Here is something wierd but funny. For the first time ever in my life I went the the salon to get my hair cut and just asked her to trim it. First time, what I have always done is get a new style everytime, constantly changing my hair. I think about that differently now, I didn't know why or even acknowledge it before. I was running away without really doing it, trying to change my appearance, hide and not let people get to know me, that is all just part of this. amazing.

 

[anthony]

No, people can see it in me at times. Nicolette usually picks any slight changes in me, even if my eyes change, expression, anything, she is typically very accurate with changes in me. So this means people can pick them up, its just I don't typically change too much anymore, compared to when I could be up and down all day, every day, now it might only be a change once a week or the like, where she can pick something within me, usually around the same time as a little paranoia may sneak up on me. Its totally normal with PTSD, its just about the control aspect of our mind.

Yes, it is all about retraining your brain in relation to management of PTSD. Retraining your brain does play a role in healing existing trauma, because if you have thought since trauma that something was your fault, and someone comes along and looks at the facts presented, then can show a completely different process, ie. your not at fault after all, then it is still an individual aspect to accept or reject the statement. If one accepts the new information, say to themselves something like, "hang on a minute, I have been blaming myself all these years, and have never thought about it that way and this new information shines a whole new light on my thoughts!" That is accepting that maybe your thoughts where wrong, and maybe you should be more open to consider a wider viewpoint! Typically, this is where retraining the brain comes into play in conjuction with healing, as a sufferer has had this thought for years, so they believe that, and now they must retrain their thoughts, kicking out the old negative and replacing with the more factual positive thought, or new information. It is easier for the human mind to accept a negative than it is a positive, this is factual scientific information and conclusive studies. The brain endures and will find the negatives before the positives, because society dictates our learning to focus on bad, not good.

It often makes me laugh when people refer natural therapies to having become a tree hugging hippie, which again is a social aspect that directly correlates within the mind. Most believe if you adopt any natural therapeudic treatments, then you must adopt this tree hugging hippie lifestyle to achieve state of mind. Wrong... Those that fall into that lifestyle, often lost control of their mind before they even began the process, because they succumb to something they fail to understand, being social beliefs.

To control your mind is an art, and whilst the majority of society believe they can do it, you truly don't learn you have little control over your mind until such time as your influenced by something like PTSD. That's about the time a person learns they truly have no current control over their mind, because if we did, we wouldn't have PTSD in the first place, as we would have correctly processed our trauma through talking, seeking help, guidance, etc. We don't though, we endure and shut our mouths tight, thinking that the world will not believe us, hate us, depise us, etc.

Thinking styles are what its primarily about. We make our own choices, nobody else. You either choose to use the negative thinking style which comes so easy or you choose to use the positive thinking style which comes only with a lot of work to become an instinctive tool and way of life for you. People love easy, hence they fail a lot. It is nothing new that to achieve excellence takes work, and that is no different when referring the same to taking control of your minds thoughts and decisions towards your own life. You must want it, not just think you want it, in order to actively begin changing your life. It takes years to achieve, but it is achievable. It takes something like 30 days for the mind to release a negative thinking style and replace it with a positive. So if your changing a few at a time, you will slip up, you will release a negative thinking style, though as you change, you will catch it, stop, pause, apologize if necessary, and change to the positive, continue until such time as the negative is only a thought and no longer words come out, instead only the positive words / statements come from you, or you simply say nothing at all.

 

[anthony]

An assertive personality is the target. Don't be a doormat and let people walk all over you, though don't be an aggressive negative influence upon yourself and others.