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Supporter Most People Have Told Me To "run"!

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No - it wasn't too much for her to handle to be treated well. She probably thought getting the relationship she wanted would either "save" her or prove that she wasn't the one with the problem.

For someone with untreated PTSD - life is too much to handle, even when it is good sometimes. Just imagine that she had cancer and would not get treatment - your love wouldn't heal her of that. And without help, she wouldn't get any better.
 
Thank You! Everyone here has been pretty nice and helped me learn a lot. I hope I can get my friend to join and learn some more about herself. Take Care!
 
Was being treated too nice, honestly loved and supported, too much for her to handle after all these years of "bad experiences"??
I disagree with the assumptions above, which are supportive and not truly honest and reflective of PTSD.

Being supported, loved and feeling safe, can absolutely be overwhelming to a person with PTSD. Breathing can be overwhelming to them, so it is not correct to state otherwise to you.

I'm not a mind reader, thus I cannot tell you what she thinks. You have to ask her that question... and keep it simple as possible if she answers you at all. Aim for one question and nothing more, and if you get an answer from her, then that is atleast one thing down.
 
I was just debating "with myself" the last 2 days about what I did to make her say, "you are trying to control every aspect of my life". This was so far beyond true, that I didn't understand where she was coming from.

I began to think that maybe doing things for her while she was at work, such as doing her laundry, folding it and putting it up in our closet, may have been "controlling" to her. Is that quite possible?

She went from "finally finding true love and everything that past relationships have been missing", for the last 8 months, to her latest e-mail saying we "couldn't possibly be friends anymore due to what I've said and done to her". That was so far from what we felt for each other every single day, up until a couple weeks ago, that I was in shock. Literally! I still can't believe all this has happened...
 
When PTSD controls us, or uncontrolled PTSD as often referred, nothing is rational. Putting the toilet paper around the wrong way, even if there isn't a right way in the house, can be enough to trigger a full scale meltdown.

Doing things for her, not doing something for her, any and all, could contribute to such a statement. You could have merely been a friend saying hello and have gotten a similar response. PTSD sufferers are renown for pushing anyone close to them out of their life. The only exceptions to that is possibly family, depending how well they get on with them. It isn't uncommon that a PTSD suffer views family, feels family, as a safe haven for them when the world gets too much. That is if family aren't involved in their trauma.

Even I get that way at times... wanting to leave my wife with things for a week and just retreat to my family. I don't do it, but I want to do it... only because I know the negative, thus I face the issue and then remain, knowing it isn't here that is the issue, but my own PTSD. When uncontrolled, a person doesn't know any of this. I used to bail out and head to family to feel relaxed and safe from the world. Most with PTSD do this... family, a close friend, and even more often, total isolation as their only sanctum to cope with existing.

She may change her mind, she may not... most people with PTSD actually run from one relationship to another as fast as possible, because it closes off the prior, thus pushing that person truly away from them.
 
Just my 2 cents here, it seems to me when someone is playing the blame game, (i.e. she can't possibly be friends because of what you have said or done), it means they are unwilling to accept any responsibility for their actions. It is very possible she truly does not want the relationship. By your own admission she is not seeking help. Blame and denial can be so hurtful and destructive.

You did nothing that an ordinary loving human being wouldn't do for their beloved, so stop blaming yourself. She has made choices too, understandable or not, right or wrong, rational or irrational. Sure you could have done some things differently. You don't have a crystal ball. Nor a GPS that navigates eggshells. Live your own life, and live it well. Whoever is meant to be in your life, will end up there eventually.
 
If I could 'like' Anthony's post #20 one hundred times I would. The only difference (from just my personal experience) that I would add is, "feeling" safe usually counters somewhat the default to mistrust or fear.

Sounds like her exhaustion with work contributed alot to the stress. But running is easier, and truly driven as Anthony said by stress reduction, not personal. It has taken me decades to work on that. I think it must be up to her to stop. I'm sorry that's not more hopeful, I'm not sure I could have earlier, but it also depends on your relationship. It is also a terrible feeling for her too, probably, and the extent and severity of her symptoms I would guess likely worse than she may let on to you.
 
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