Mother of my children wished me a Happy Father's Day ?

[shimmerz]

No ego in this. This is all about protecting the next generation. Generational trauma is real.

 

[Agita Kaput]

I know... and I'm glad it made you laugh. I'm sure you know what I'm saying. I've thought a dozen times... Ive got her in checkmate this time. 🙄

God be with you. 🤗

 

[shimmerz]

and I'm glad it made you laugh.

Lord knows not much of this situation does. This posting of yours was like a breath of fresh air! Thank you! God be with you too! And it that isn't helpful - don't hesitate to reach out if you need to bounce stuff around.

 

[Agita Kaput]

Lord ... God be with you too! And it that isn't helpful -

You bein' funny? cause I'll laugh if you are. If you arn't... respect. (But I might still laugh 🤷‍♂️)

don't hesitate to reach out if you need to bounce stuff around.

You KNOW its helpful!

At this point,

not a lot of heads that dont retreat,
not a lot of lips that dont lemon
not a lot of eyes that dont squint
Not a lot of shoulders to cry on.

(Give me a rhyme in there Shim and I'll give ya co-writer credit.)

I got a terebyte drive
full a Narcissistic jive

 

[Muttly]

For me, it's the dad who does this shit to me. And maybe the brother, but I get muddled thinking about that. And what you said about acting stupid, I need to think on. I think that explains one of my defense mechanisms.

Know what the right answer is? Nothing. There is no right answer.

That is so true

The thing with gaslighting is... to the majority of the sane world - you look totally insane to get your freak on about somebody doing something nice for you.

This is so completely the truth. I remember getting an email from my brother (the only contact I allow) and freaking out. I could see all sorts of hidden traps. And my therapist, who had been with me a long time and seen how my family functioned bought into it. And was taken off guard when the next email from him was full of gas lighting and drama.

Take gentle care of yourself.

 

[shimmerz]

You bein' funny? cause I'll laugh if you are. If you arn't... respect. (But I might still laugh

I've been asking God for help but (s)he seems to not understand the fundamental issues here. He just keeps telling me to be patient. 30 years later..... ya know? I've learned a lot in that time. Keep away from those types and when I find a kindred spirit, hang on tight! ;-)

(Give me a rhyme in there Shim and I'll give ya co-writer credit.

I'm working right now, but this is tempting. I like your style of throwing in humour. And rhymes. And shock when others refer themselves as resources when God isn't available or seems unqualified. I won't even ask for credit. Happy to give it all to you as your talent surpasses mine a hundred fold.

 

[Agita Kaput]

And what you said about acting stupid, I need to think on. I think that explains one of my defense mechanisms.

Although it may not help your thought process - everything is art...

ACTING stupid is not completely what I was trying to convey...
Acting stupid will be - to the narcissist - equivalent to the much advised... "act bored"
which is also the effect as Grey Rock
(which means act like your high on smack...
don't move your face muscles, shuffle your feet, pick your nose...
don't do anything at all except drool, grunt or say u-huh at random times.)
That's all for the Narcissists (non) benefit and to render you an uncooperative blood meal.

But what about YOUR feelings? He just flicked a raison off the table,
Because of the depths of your shared historical intimacy and
ability to communicate with reference to those deep parts...
you think (90% certainty) that he is making a reference to the time
he beat you up for picking all the raisons out of the cereal box,
and you should be afraid and ashamed right NOW because he could do it again
unless you give him the keys to your new BMW which he just asked for.

You could ask him what he meant. (You'd get "What? are you crazy?")
You could follow the path of your intuition down 37 paths of trying to prove to your self you are %90 wrong .etc.etc.
You're dizzy, your heart rate is around 200 BPM and your hyperventilating... in short - you just might need some smack. (NO! JOKE!!!)

So... don't just act dumb. You gotta BE dumb. What raison? Did his finger move? Is this guy my brother?
If you get as far as... "What is cereal?" You are in the too much thinking stage! RED ALERT.
You need to be much stupider. Stupefied would be good... BE the smackhead. (DON'T!)

Smile like the fool on the hill.
listen for music far away
Count the leaves on a sycamore tree.
Drift away like The guileless Dude.


Grab a raison and do the Jon Kabot Zinn 30 minute raison mindfulness exercise.

He just keeps telling me to be patient. 30 years later..... ya know?

Away on business.

 

[shimmerz]

I guess when you're God you can go away on business (feels more like holiday though) any time you want.

unless you give him the keys to your new BMW which he just asked for.

Is this exact situation in the handbook or were you there the day he screamed at me in a drunken rage for not giving him the keys to my Jeep Sahara?

Dang! You'z my peeps!

 

[Skywatcher]

This whole thread is so comforting to read. My narcissist is a work person. I thought I was finally rid of him. Turns out I’m in a situation with his buddy and the negativity poison continues to spew from him. All I can do is focus on me and ignore the ass wholes and be willing to work for less in order to continue with certain clients.

I used to appear crazy and over sensitive to some and my peers that believed me were too afraid to go up against this monster for their own career security.

But I’m not crazy. And I’m winning because I don’t have to rely on others for my success and self worth. At least that’s what I’m working on. 😏

Im happy that you recognize her for what she is!

 

[Agita Kaput]

This whole thread is so comforting to read. My narcissist is a work person. I thought I was finally rid of him. Turns out I’m in a situation with his buddy and the negativity poison continues to spew from him. All I can do is focus on me and ignore the ass wholes and be willing to work for less in order to continue with certain clients.

I used to appear crazy and over sensitive to some and my peers that believed me were too afraid to go up against this monster for their own career security.

But I’m not crazy. And I’m winning because I don’t have to rely on others for my success and self worth. At least that’s what I’m working on. 😏

Im happy that you recognize her for what she is!

Sorry for your situation - (Do you have to interact w him every day?!)

Im happy you have peers that believe you!!! I have only one family member who is not captured.

The reason I write this is to give comfort and be comforted. The isolation is the worst thing I am dealing with.

🤔 No... I have a list if things that are all the worst. Lack of success and self worth might be in there. At the top.
Thanks for the insight and encouragement!

 

[Georgianne12]

I get this. I'm sorry, but your anger over "happy father's day" made me laugh, then cry... I have this rage too. Not sure what to do with it. There are people we can't close the doors on because they have our kids etc. The emotional control tortures us.

I have considered a no-contact restraining order, unless there is an accident, health issue, etc... but my own fears stop me from doing it. So I play along for fear of fear. It is hard to let go of what was the "norm" for so long. I feel guilty for thinking of me, just me and my well-being. Here is my coping technique for what it is worth....

Delete it so you can't re-read it 1 bazillion times and hurt yourself a bazillion times and get enraged over and over. You are hurting yourself.

Do something very nice for yourself (if you can afford it after paying for everything). Movie, with popcorn, a walk in the park (it never stops raining here and is hot as hell - so I cant do that one), one scoop of your favorite flavor. What is your fav thing to do?

Can you take a class, something you want to know how to do (besides load a gun or throw rocks in a precise manner at exes) just to take the focus off of the ex, the family. There is YOU too.... you need to deflate and dilute their influence over you by adding more sugar to the mix. I took a baking class and met so many great people, I wasn't quite in a space to date again, but I could of...

Anyway, I am new here and shouldn't probably reach out because I am so screwed up. But your post hit me in the heart. I have this rage too. It comes and goes easily over the smallest things. It is my rage, regardless of who I blame for it, only I have the power over me. I don't act on it, but it eats me. I fear not complying and that pisses me off. I am looking for a kung fu class to help me control myself, but there is not one offered near me, LOL.

Hugs from a fellow raging ptsd ex

 

[Agita Kaput]

I get this. I'm sorry, but your anger over "happy father's day" made me laugh, then cry... I have this rage too. Not sure what to do with it. There are people we can't close the doors on because they have our kids etc. The emotional control tortures us.

For me the hardest part was and still is believing that the person that we knew and loved and maybe still love… Is really actually in fact… Behaving like this. IS this.

I have considered a no-contact restraining order, unless there is an accident, health issue, etc... but my own fears stop me from doing it. So I play along for fear of fear. It is hard to let go of what was the "norm" for so long. I feel guilty for thinking of me, just me and my well-being. Here is my coping technique for what it is worth....

Delete it so you can't re-read it 1 bazillion times and hurt yourself a bazillion times and get enraged over and over. You are hurting yourself.

Did we see the same therapist? I was coordinating dates places and times that I was helping NEX…She Which send long emails that had essential information… Time place destinations. Of course interspersed with nuclear land mines.

Therapist taught me to scan these picking out important details and trashing the rest. I remember her saying do not, do not, I am commanding you that you will not… Reread the emails.
🤣😳🤷‍♂️

Do something very nice for yourself (if you can afford it after paying for everything). Movie, with popcorn, a walk in the park (it never stops raining here

Fl?

and is hot as hell - so I cant do that one), one scoop of your favorite flavor. What is your fav thing to do?

Play the guitar. Has kept me alive.

Can you take a class, something you want to know how to do (besides load a gun or throw rocks in a precise manner at exes)

It was suggested to me once to stomp my feet and hit stuff. Punching bag, whatnot. Didnt seem to work far as I can tell. Big backdraft. (I'm makin up my own peer therapy word here... sounds good though right?)

just to take the focus off of the ex, the family. There is YOU too.... you need to deflate and dilute their influence over you by adding more sugar to the mix. I took a baking class and met so many great people, I wasn't quite in a space to date again, but I could of...

Hmm. I'll give it a try.

Anyway, I am new here and shouldn't probably reach out because I am so screwed up.

Mmm Hmm. Duck and cover. Best for everyone.

🤭🤣🤷‍♂️

But your post hit me in the heart. I have this rage too. It comes and goes easily over the smallest things. It is my rage, regardless of who I blame for it, only I have the power over me. I don't act on it, but it eats me. I fear not complying and that pisses me off. I am looking for a kung fu class to help me control myself, but there is not one offered near me, LOL.

Hugs from a fellow raging ptsd ex

Yea
I have no idea where the "Yea" came from. Maybe Siri? I think you know... I am not a man of one word answers.