Mother's Day Fakery

[Hashi]

Thank you all for your understanding and support. It's the evening before mother's day now, and I always feel better the closer something is because I'll be able to do what I have to and then it'll be over. 2 to 3 days beforehand is always the worst for me, because there's nothing I can do at that point.

@greenleaf I understand what you're saying and I appreciate it. Even though I know it's not my responsibility, I'm not psychically strong enough to deal with it - at least not yet.

I've just been through a lot in therapy to separate myself from someone else's death that was also not my responsibility but I was entangled with the circumstances of his death and my survival was linked to it. I'm not ready to go through something like that again, with another person. However much I know intellectually that it isn't my fault, at the moment I just haven't got the resources to handle it.

 

[Springer80]

Just finished watching 'We need to talk about Kevin,' on BBC2. It ended 15 minutes into Mothers day. Apologies for the gallows humour but you gotta love the beeb for transmitting the alternative holiday message! Christ, its enough to make anyone go out and get sterilised :)

 

[Sandstone]

Yes, I'm faking it too. My mother has cunningly combined her 85th Birthday with Mother's Day and the two things have been haunting me for weeks in the run-up.. So much that I've kept myself asleep with excess doses of sleeping pills and antihistamines for most of the last few days.

I don't want to do Mother grovel and I don't want to do going out. So I shall smile sweetly and do both.

 

[fly away home]

I don't want to do Mother grovel and I don't want to do going out. So I shall smile sweetly and do both.

Perfectly said!

 

[Lucycat]

I hate today. I try to do 'the right thing' so I did arrange for some flowers to be delivered. However one of the reasons for doing that is so that I don't have to choose a Mother's Day card. It is false. I am doing it out of duty and sympathy. My 'darling' mother sent me a text to say thank you - not even a phone call. Huh! I can't phone her because she still lives with him...

Added to that, my stepsons have sent me 'Happy Mother's Day' messages on Facebook. I sound so ungrateful, but it really hurts. I am not their mother. I could never have children of my own - today just serves to remind me of all that too.

 

[linda23]

Hi,
I Love Mothers day. Mother is a image of gods love . Its is the day dedicated to celebrate her love and affection , But not all are as lucky as me , mine is loving caring and affectionate mom .When ever we get time we would travel far places and spend our HOLIDAY BUZZ together.:);)

 

[Echo]

With all due respect, @linda23, when your mother is your abuser, as is the case for many of us here, she is most certainly not, at least I hope not, an image of God's love.

 

[Mayday]

I admire you @Echo for being able to reply politely.


@linda23

 

[Philippa]

my therapist, she said, "How about you send her flowers when she actually acts like a mother towards you?"

This is pretty much my attitude as well. I have forgone the whole mothers day thing. I stopped giving her things when she stopped actually being a mother to me. I could not do the fakeness of it...that felt even worse than just stopping it all together. I haven't 'done' mothers day now for a few years...I'm pretty sure she's gotten the message by now.

I feel for your situation though Hashi, and I'm aware that this is an old thread. How did it all work out?

It's been something I've been struggling a lot with lately myself...the whole idea that my absence may have already killed my provider and no one could reach me to tell me (?) and that the same may happen to my birth giver and I will be the cause. With narcs it's like as soon as you cut off their supply of energy they are vamping you with, they have no lifeline anymore...so they die.

And yet, I still don't want to be hurting them, despite the fact that they hurt me and don't give it a second thought. Sometimes I like to pretend I can ignore that about me, and sometimes I can, but at some point I do feel bad about it when I'm lying in bed at night...sometimes.

 

[Hashi]

Thanks @Philippa. I got through mother's day at least. The problem doesn't go away though.

It took me a while to work out what your meant about narcs. Here, a narc is someone who informs on you to the police. I finally guessed that maybe you mean narcissist? I don't want to ascribe a disorder to my mother, she hasn't been diagnosed with anything because she's never sought help for it. I do see her behaviour as vampirical though.

And yet, I still don't want to be hurting them, despite the fact that they hurt me and don't give it a second thought.

You aren't hurting them - which of course I can say to someone else but when it comes to me I feel only the burden and the guilt. But I do see that people like this are hurting themselves, as well as being determined to take others down with them.

 

[Hashi]

@linda23, I'm afraid this isn't the right thread for your sentiments. But there's a good thread for people who feel differently, here: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/happy-mothering-sunday.41071/#post-668017.

 

[Hashi]

Since reading the new posts here, I've been going colder and colder. Now I'm really freezing - a somatic reaction for trauma, although I wouldn't usually experience that from a thread like this one.

I've just made a major life decision that my mother's opposed to, and I'm exhausted by resisting her campaign against it. I'm exhausted by the extent of her mental health issues, which mean that she genuinely believes my decision is a terrible disaster when it's a perfectly normal thing that many people do. The situation is bringing out everything about her sickness. I feel so cursed to have her as my mother... can you buy mother's day cards that say that?