Mothers Day

[AngelaMarie]

So, today I ignored Mother's Day. I just had a normal day. Before my 10 year old son went to bed he gave me a note. The note said: I love you mommy! It also had a happy face with two hearts for eyes!!! Who can ask for more??? No money was spent, it was straight from my little boys heart. I couldn't ask for more!!!:inlove:

 

[LaurenRose]

Mother's Day is kind of a bitter sweet thing for me. Smiles, my two oldest children are awesome and they don't always make a point of hitting the date but they usually call somewhere around there and tell me that they love me. So different from my own childhood. This day usually makes me sad too. Never having had a mother and having a bad experience with a stepmother, it makes me a bit wistful that I haven't had anyone to make that wish to. I am grateful that I don't sit in jealousy or envy, just a sad kind of melancholic longing. I appreciate this post, it has helped. I am sorry for those of us who experience an angst and maybe a despair, and I am happy for the ones who find joy and pleasure. Smiles. One thing I have going for me is that even though I am so messed up with me, apparently I am giving my children the love of a mother, the love that a loving mother can give her children.

 

[Deleted member 8931]

I must say that my son is always good to me on this day. He took me out for a very expensive brunch for which he made reservations for six of us including him, myself, my husband, his girlfriend, her mother and her aunt. However, since I have such rage against my own mother I find the day bittersweet. Also, it was on Mother's Day that my maternal grandmother passed away when I was a child and she was what I saw then as a sweet lady who didn't talk much and was quite meek. Now I understand that what I took as meekness in her was clearly depression having been married to my alcoholic grandfather in which she suffered abuse from him and the fact that my great-grandparents pretty much disowned her for having married him. In fact, she was frequently told by my great-grandmother that she had "married down from her station". Now I know where my own mother got her vitriol and rage from but that doesn't make me feel a whole lot better for all her abusiveness towards me and the fact that she is so toxic that she managed to alienate all four of her children from her. I look forward to the day that I have nothing but indifference towards her as opposed to my hate. I have had absolutely no contact with her in any shape, form or fashion in 10+ years, yet I still feel that need for her approval!

Anyway, my day was good with my son and family and I appreciate his efforts even if I wanted to cancel out at the last minute as I traditionally do with every other event. For not cancelling out, I am proud of that. But I must also say that as soon as brunch was over, I could not wait to get back home!

I would like to give a shout out to ALL the good mothers today and to ALL the children of the toxic mothers who are now mothers and have taken the steps, no matter how small that step is, to becoming healthier by reading this forum. Hugs to all of you.

 

[Reclusive]

Happy mothers day to all the mothers we have on the forums! I hope you have wonderful days and if you aren't celebrating your own mom, celebrate yourself!

 

[anni]

Since it was yesterday I suppose it's silly to add anything. I suppose one of the reasons the forum is helpful is you can leave things here you can't leave anywhere else so needed to anyway, but if anyone is reading please don't continue if you'd rather not read downer posts. Please excuse.

I'm very lucky with the whole Mom thing. I have awfully nice childdren but more than that have a simply lovely mother. I don't think she'll be here next Mother's Day, or maybe next weeek for that matter. I think the literal hole in her heart must be approximating what she's feeling these days as her surreal living conditions devolve into being surrounded by other children who make it clear she is now old, sick, helpless and a burden, what peaches they are for taking on the responsibility. She's Old new England stock, will never break down or let it show but I know my mother. She's horribly, horribly hurt- beyond baffled and mortified things got to this point. She hated Mother's Day, too, which makes that day tough for me, remembering her. She always said if we could not be nice to her every other day of the year then don't bother that day. Well, as an adult I ignored that somewhat and think she was secretly pleased by the flowers although would always say " Well now, you didn't have to do that ". She raised all of us with great grace of example in all situations, so much so that it would sound like maundlin, sentimental ravings to describe her uniqueness. I hope when she does get to the other side she sees I tried, anyway, to disallow her the indignities and hurts she's suffering. It's not enough because it hasn't acheived anything. I don't think anyone has had a better mother, or a nicer childhood. At least I've told her that much, so hope it's something.

I love my Mom. I don't know if she had a nice Mother's Day because I'm not allowed to go there on Sundays. I get Wednesdays so will take my flowers then, and we'll pretend all is well, none of this is happening and she's still the same cherished mother she always was before all this hell broke loose. She is to me.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I ignored my mother this Mother's Day. She posted on my facebook to have a happy mother's day, and I ignored her. I don't know what else to do with a mother who laughed at me for being abused again. I think that she's probably got PTSD too, but as she doesn't seek help or admit that she has a problem; it makes it pointless to interact with her. Well, here I am about to go on and defend my decision to everyone whether they think I should or not. Guilt. I was raised on it and I'm having a hard time with it now.

Gidge, thanks for starting this thread. I was looking for a mother's day discussion. What a mixed bag! My daughter made me the most thoughtful and loving card at school. My son ignored it, but he smiled and played with me. I felt really good watching my children this weekend. They are capable, loving and loved children who are going to do well in their lives. When I was an angry child, I was told that I'd made my bed and had to lie in it, which considering the kind of abuse was always more poignant than the unknowing adults meant it to be; I guess that the saying can apply to my parents as well?

 

[Serene]

this is my first post.

Donna,
Congratulations on finding this forum and for making your first post. I have found a lot of support here. I hope you do too. I already know you are brave, strong and amazing because you are raising your grandchild. That, to me, speaks volumes. Happy Monday to you.