Ms Robinson

[Kairos]

Hi I am new to this site, I dont normally join forums but it was very powerful and comforting to read about other peoples body memories and to see i am not alone in experiencing much physical pain as well as emotional trauma!!!

My issue is how hard it is to distinguish past violent physical pain from current possible medical problems especially when there are additional symptoms like bleeding...i wonder to what extent the body really does relive the trauma? It is very hard to talk about these things to anyone who hasnt gone through something similar, I sound like a hypochondriac or as if I have really lost the plot!

But there is such an intensity as if I am very very young and the physical pain is searing and internal, humiliating and very very sad and vulnerable making. I am emailing my inner child as a daily commitment this seems to help! so good to meet you all!!!!

 

[Sandra]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Kairos]

Thanks!!!

 

[The Albatross]

I personally subscribe to the idea of cellular memory... that my body holds pain or trauma. I got a solid body mind connection and have been working to undo trauma from sexual assalt and a car accident that put my C1 on my brain stem from age 21 to age 45. I don't think it's hypochondria... muscles can only do two things, extend or contract... neuro... is go or no go. C1 came off my brainstem about 6 years ago... I learned muscle relaxation techniques and did deep tissue work for about 5 years... I also did some cranio sacral... and found it was beneficial. Welcome to the forum.

 

[Paranoid10]

Hi Abigail and welcome to the forum.
I think physical pain is very much connected to emotional pain in many different ways. There is what I call, "cause and effect pain." I will give you an example from my own life to try to help and explain what I mean. In November of 2004, I was a Soldier in Iraq that was on a convoy. The vehicle I was riding in was hit by an explosive device and aside from receiving a "mild traumatic brain injury", I also had damage to my left leg. When it comes to treatment of the leg, it can start emotional pain, (i.e. panic attacks, flashbacks, etc.) So that is one way.

Another way is the exact opposite. Let's say for example you have a panic attack and one of the physical symptoms that may occur might be chest pain due hyperventilating or the thought "that you cannot breathe."

So, yes, I do believe there is a direct connection between physical pain and emotional pain. I'm not an "expert" but that is just what I have noticed about myself. Respectfully, Paranoid10

 

[Kairos]

Thankyou for what you share here....I am doing body work...It was a massage that brought up the intense memory which made me look for whether others experience such intense physical pain as part of PTSD and as a result found this forum. Its good to be reminded about cranio sacral....my sense is I need to keep working on the memories very very gently...

Christmas coming soon is always a big trigger for me, I find it hard to see family when they wont acknowledge the reality of my trauma...I know it is hard, maybe impossible for them because of their own role in it or because they are also victims and want to protect themselves from their own pain.

I feel compassion for them and I want to be there with my family on holidays but it is excuciating when I feel my reality invailidated...or even my boundaries violated again, and this in itself can trigger a sense of madness, despair even sucicidal feelings and I feel I have to protect myself now!

I have just seen the post from paranoid....I am moved by it....and it is helpful what you say about your leg...the emotional and physcial pain triggering each other...

 

[The Albatross]

Goal setting, stress reduction, boundaries (setting and defending), and the biggest mileage I got was triangulating... dealing with the phyiscal pain, what I was/am feeling, and what I was thinking... bringing all three into balance and a generally favorable direction (I call it). The visualization is one of those liquid thermometers. If I can do none of three, I move down fairly rapidly. If I can do one of three, I slow the decent. If I can do two of three, I move slowly but perceptively in a "generally favorable direction... upward", occasionally I can manage all three, and move more rapidly toward a better and more favorable direction.

It defeated the "all or nothing" thinking... that I am well or that I am sick. I hope this helps you.

 

[The Albatross]

P.S. Attempting a two out of three position has proved beneficial because, even if I'm not entirely successful, it's statistically 66 point something percent and that is progress. My logical brain can accept that.

 

[kimberley dawn]

Hi and welcome from me too.

Yes the body remembering is something I now deal with on a regular basis and I fear the day it remembers ever more. It hurts enough already the places without any physical scars.

because they are also victims and want to protect themselves from their own pain.

Oh, don't we know that one too. Good for you to be able to feel compassion for them!

Take care, KD

 

[Paranoid10]

Dear Abigail,
I don't have a lot of experience with people invalidating my feelings, so to speak. However, I have had family members put me in certain circumstances that do in fact, cross my boundaries in regards to PTSD. My father-in-law is a prime candidate for this type of behavior. He has been advised, spoke with by numerous people as to what my triggers are and where I set my boundaries at regarding certain situations. Regardless of this, he makes decisions to do the things he does. The weird part of it is when he wonders why I react the way that I do and he often gets his feelings hurt. My wife often has to act as the go between us. She is a good woman and tells things the way that they are.
Because of all this, I have developed a resentment to being around my father-in-law and avoid him whenever I can. That is the best similarity from my life that I can think of. I hope it helps to know you are not alone. Respectfully, Paranoid10.

 

[Kairos]

Yes it helps more than I can say to feel I am not alone....and I so appreciate these messages...!

As to those who continue to violate my boundaries, I can sometimes feel extreme rage as well as compassion for the pain that lies beneath the compulsion to continue to cross the line!!!

I think avoidance can definitely be the healthy option but hard if its a family member who is sick, maybe dying...Yet what I get from all the posts here is a sense of people who are taking responsibility for themselves....and through this I feel I have allies for that in me that wants to and needs to take care of me! I dont want to unwittingly retraumatise myself or be a victim yet again! I want to be aligned to what is healthy, soulful and passionate about healing and truth.

Thanks again for the messages they restore some faith and hope about humanity as well as my own predicament!

 

[Paranoid10]

Dear Abigail,
As far as those who violate boundaries, extreme rage, I think is relatively normal considering what you have been through. It often takes every square inch of my being to restrain myself from doing something that I may regret later. However, that does not mean that I am not assertive in reenforcing those boundaries if the need should arise. I've found that, (for me), it is very unhealthy for me to be passive about this. In other words, people need to know what you think about their behavior regarding your PTSD. Your words do matter, as well as your feelings. You do count as an individual. I made the decision a long time ago that I was not going to be a victim to someone else exploiting my boundaries that I had set forth.

Another thing to consider is this. As much as we would like to think we can, we cannot control what other people do or say or how they behave. We either have a choice to respond to them or evade them. Evasion is not always the best tactic to use. It really just depends on the situation and the people that you are dealing with. Evasion or avoidance can also hurt you, in the sense that you are not willing to face your fears. But when all else fails and you can't get anywhere with people, avoidance may be the only choice you have left.

I have found that when dealing with groups of people that wish to make your life hell in this regard, if you make a very hardcore example of the "ringleader" of the group, the followers tend to take a moment to stop and really consider whether or not they want to pursue their actions any further. They see "their leader" helplessly on the ground, (emotionally speaking), and usually make a logical decision that they don't want any part of what that person is suffering. This may or may not help, but it tends to work for me.

Finally, never give up on yourself. This sounds easier than it is to apply to ones' life. Never quit fighting for what is rightfully yours. Your freedom from PTSD. You will probably have those times when you feel like "the world went to hell in a handbasket." Everyone has them. The key to survival is to have the resiliency to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back to life. I also want you to know that if you ever need to vent, talk about things, need advice or whatever.....this forum will be here for you. Respectfully, Paranoid10